what can I say to DH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
what can I say to DH?
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 7:58am

The short of it is I need to have a response to something my DH is thinking and saying now.....

Yesterday my 15 month old girl sorta "helped herself to boob"....I was sitting with DH and my 2 girls in the playroom last night and I could tell she wanted to nurse.....she came up to me and started to climb onto me or up me ....just for being held ect...I was sitting with my legs cross on teh floor, well she grabbed the tank top strap and it stretched down and exposed what she was comming to me for in t he first place...this was definately by accident but I was not really paying attention because I was talking to DH and my 3 year old and somehow she ended up nursing on her knees all by herself and then I kind of snuggled her onto my lap.....now I brought attention to it thinking it was cute that she with help, helped herself....but then DH said "IT" ........"Isn't it time to wean now then? Pretty sure she will be asking for it by name......."......This is my first experience with nursing a toddler so I really did not know what to say to him other than no that is not a reason to wean and in any other country this is normal.....he always and did say "well we are not in another country and life moves to fast here to do that"

Am I at that point where she will start to help herself or ask? Is that ok? I kind of thought it was cute...in a funny way. I just enjoy nursing her and do not want to stop yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2006
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 10:22am

Hi there-

My 15 month old has started doing this, too. I think it's adorable! Is DH aware that there are still benefits to breastfeeding? So many peole think it's the equalivent of 'koolaid' after a year, maybe pointing out to him that there's still great stuff will help?



I think that in DHs mind, bfing is for babies, and by 'asking' for it she is showing she's not a baby anymore. Doesn't really make much sense to me, but I think that's the link of thinking. But, isn't that GOOD...would he be happy if she asked for a cup of water or a piece fruit? I don't understand how it's bad, kwim? I think it''s just been said so many times (once they ask for it...) that some people believe it's bad without having a good reason.

life moves to fast here to do that" I don't really understand this, though...do you know what he meant here?

Perhaps if you find out why HE thinks it's wrong, you can better address the issue: is it a sexual thing he's worried about, worried that she is 'making the rules', etc

Now, you CAN start to implement some restrictions on nursing or nursing manners. You can teach her to 'ask' nicely...Sephrya does not get to nurse unless she signs for it and is NOT throwing a tantrum ;) And, I have started saying 'nursies later' sometimes (usually when she wants to just nurse, nurse, nurse). Maybe showing DH that would help? http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/nursing-manners.html

Personally, I just always reminded people that the WHO and UNICEF recommend nursing until 2 years. You're FAR from that!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 11:50am

A couple more links that may help:




Regarding the comment "life moves too fast here" - maybe a comeback like "well maybe we ought to slow down a little and enjoy what we have "today" - you know, "stop and smell the roses" kind of thing"

This time your nursling is a baby/toddler moves so fast, and it's just a drop in the bucket over a lifetime.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 5:57pm

The other ladies gave you some great info. I love the kellymom page on the benefits of extended nursing.

I wanted to comment about the life moves too fast comment. I agree that it does in the US, but that's not necessarily a good thing. I went back to work when my twins were 19 months old. When I came home, I would sit down and nurse them. It was a time for me to hold them and reconnect with them after being gone for the day. I'm very task oriented so I would have jumped into

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Sun, 03-29-2009 - 5:56pm

You could also casually talk about full-term breastfeeding, when you talk about yourself and your daughter. And use terms like premature weaning when you see babies weaned at the age of one or so.

These terms help normalise what is normal.