2 Weeks In- Wanting to Quit

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2012
2 Weeks In- Wanting to Quit
14
Sun, 10-28-2012 - 2:08pm

Hi Everyone, I wanted to say you all are the strongest women in the world!

I am two weeks into pumping exclusively. My baby boy would not latch at the hospital. I left with a breast shield. Then the doctor said he would not gain weight properly on that alone. We have seen two LC multiple times and he is going to chiropractor for unaligned jaws. Possibly looking at a frenulim clip in a week. But am worried he’ll never latch onto just me because of the bottle. 

Since I have to go back to work in 3mos, and planed to pump then, I decided to start pumping now and bottle-feed. No big deal right? WRONG! I feel so overwhelmed and anxious all the time. I pump every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes. My supply is low, sometimes I don’t get enough for the next feeding. He gets a few formula bottles a day. My husband is taking another unpaid week off work. But will have to start working 12-hour days soon. I am afraid I might lose my mind then!

We tried so long for our baby, and now I feel like I’m not enjoying this life because I’m constantly worried about my supply or I’m exhausted from getting up every two hours to feed THEN PUMP. I feel awful for wanting to quit so soon. But everyone keeps telling me a happy mom=happy baby. How do I deal with guilt if I decide to stop??

So Torn Frown

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 12:23pm

{{hugs}} I pumped for both of my children, now 5 and 3.  It's not easy, anyone who tells you it is would be lying! Wink

You're two weeks in, you need to make some important decisions since clearly this routine is stressing you and perhaps one of the reasons for your low supply.  Ask youself: How badly do I want my LO to have my BM vs formula?  Can I see myself keeping this up once you return to work?  How would I feel about feeding formula?  I also made a pro and con list of anything I could come up with that was either a benefit to EP'ing or not...it helped me see what I wanted, what was important and helped me manage my feelings on why I was EP'ing.

Things you can try to increase supply:

breast compressions
warm compress
herbal supplements
reducing stress - easier said then done!
increase your own fluid intake and keep your diet healthy and balanced
get plenty of rest when you can
add additional sessions into your day - not forever, just until you get your supply up!

Hang in there, it's tough and there are so many other things happening with your body right now too!  Don't let these first few weeks get you down if this is really what you want...you CAN do it!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2012
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 7:29pm

Thank You. Your kind words brought me to tears. (Not that is too hard to do these days) Today has been a good day! Not so anxious every second of the day! And my milk increased today- getting almost double the output! (2.5 ounces over 1.5) I found letting myself go 3-4 hours at night takes some of the stress off. HOPEFULLY this doesn't hurt me in the long run (any experience?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 12:12pm

Oh the first weeks are SO hard!!!  It took me 5-8 weeks to out produce my lo. Until then he had a bottle or two a day.  The less I seemed to worry about that the easier things seemed to get.  FYI - I never stopped worrying.  If it wasn't about production it was about something else.  Welcome to being a Mom! 

The only reason that I kept with it is because my lo seemed to have a happier tummy on BM.  When I first started my husband pretty much insisted that I go for a full year.  After about 3-4 months he was asking when I would quit.  :)  Really it is hard work.  But there are things that can make it easier and feel more do-able. 

Get a hands free bra and a swing or baby seat to put your lo in.  I figured out the swing but didn't figure out the hands free bra until after 5 weeks.  After using one, I have no idea how I made it those first 5 weeks.  Many ladies are able to pump and bottle feed their little ones at the same time.  Saves some time.  I was never good at this and always pumped right after feeding my LO and put him down for a nap.  I did a lot of hoping that he would not wake up until I was done pumping.  I also did some crying with him if he did wake up before I was done pumping.  Expect that in the first weeks/months you are still getting your mama grove on.  It will take you a while to get better at taking care of yourself and baby.  Don't expect to get it all at once. 

Get extra parts.  It was very helpful to have multiple sets so that I wasn’t washing on top of each pumping. 

Being so new, I doubt that you have tried to pump anywhere other than home. If you continue, I recommend trying to pump in public.  Attitude is everything!  Get a nursing cover to cover yourself.  Practice covering up.  I didn't try to pump anywhere besides home until after the 5 week mark.  And I mostly started because I started practicing for when I returned to work.  I wasn't sure that I would have a private place to pump and decided that I would pump at my desk in a cube farm.  Although I found that I could have a private place to pump, it was too disruptive to my day to hide every couple of hours.  Pumping at my desk became very comfortable.  :)  I wouldn't have made it 14 months if I didn't get over pumping in public.  I pumped everywhere!  Hospitals, restaurants, play areas, cars, work, family gatherings, zoo's..

As time goes on, it does get a little easier.  When you do decide to retire (none of us quit!!) believe it is the best choice you can make for you and your lo.  

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2012
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 12:54pm

 Thank you for the tips! I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. Everyday that I pump is another day of BM for my boy. I have this horrible fear that if I put him on exclusive formula this early he develop all these issues (acid reflux, colic, constipation) I keeping thinking if I can hold out for 3-4 months his belly will handle it better then. I just don’t want to feel like a prisoner to the pump and not enjoy our time together. I’m sure most of this is all in my head right now. Smile You ladies are my heros for sticking it out for over a year! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 10:54am

I also let myself get more sleep at night...especially once my little ones started to sleep through the night, I did too!  I was fuller in the morning and found I had to pump longer and often had more then one letdown, but it never seemed to hurt my supply - I was an AVP'er.  A good rest can also increase supply... :o)

One day at a time...that's best!  It takes alot to keep going, but our babies are worth it!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 8:44am

First of all, lots of love and hugs to you for not giving up.

The first 8 weeks are exhausting, time consuming and you just feel like you're not doing things right. Also these weeks are crucial to the process bcause is when you stablish your pumping rythm and increase your bm production.

I had to start pumping because my baby was underweight and didn't have the strentgh to latch and breastfeed herself. Luckily for me I found this group and the beginners guide that has been made by moms who were in our same place. Look for the beginners guide in the introduction of EPing.

Even though you feel tired try to relax, and look for something to do while your at it, in my case I have always used the computer to keep me company in the long nights. At first I used to put my baby next to me in her bouncer, now with 11 months she sits by me and keeps me company. We watch cartoons on youtube or She just plays in her chair and I browse thru the web.

E-ping is not easy and that is for sure, because when you are not pumping you are taking care of the baby and have so little time to sleep. But as the time goes by it gets pretty easy and you get the hang of it. At first I used to pump every 2 hrs and that lasted about 2 months, then I stretched the hours to every 4 hours so I could catch some sleep, also when the baby started to sleep the whole night I ended doing only one pump between midnight  and 7AM that way I got more sleep at night my recommendation is that for the first four months try to pump at least once between 12AM and 7AM because that boosts your milk production.

As the months went by between the 4th and 8th month I started to decrease the amount of pumping and instead of doing it by the clock I let my body tell me when I was having a let down, so it became 5 times a day, then 4, between month 9 and 10 I only pumped 3 times a day and know it is only 2 times.

The good part is that doing all of the previous things I described I was able to creat a milk bank that lasts for 2 months, also I'm 7 feedings ahead of her eating schedule.

The key to all of this is patience, lots of love and always remember this is a good thing, not only for your baby but for your pocket as well. Everytime I feel like stoping I take a walk in thebaby  formula section of my supermarket and remind myself to keep doing it.

Best wishes

Barbara

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 8:44am

First of all, lots of love and hugs to you for not giving up.

The first 8 weeks are exhausting, time consuming and you just feel like you're not doing things right. Also these weeks are crucial to the process bcause is when you stablish your pumping rythm and increase your bm production.

I had to start pumping because my baby was underweight and didn't have the strentgh to latch and breastfeed herself. Luckily for me I found this group and the beginners guide that has been made by moms who were in our same place. Look for the beginners guide in the introduction of EPing.

Even though you feel tired try to relax, and look for something to do while your at it, in my case I have always used the computer to keep me company in the long nights. At first I used to put my baby next to me in her bouncer, now with 11 months she sits by me and keeps me company. We watch cartoons on youtube or She just plays in her chair and I browse thru the web.

E-ping is not easy and that is for sure, because when you are not pumping you are taking care of the baby and have so little time to sleep. But as the time goes by it gets pretty easy and you get the hang of it. At first I used to pump every 2 hrs and that lasted about 2 months, then I stretched the hours to every 4 hours so I could catch some sleep, also when the baby started to sleep the whole night I ended doing only one pump between midnight  and 7AM that way I got more sleep at night my recommendation is that for the first four months try to pump at least once between 12AM and 7AM because that boosts your milk production.

As the months went by between the 4th and 8th month I started to decrease the amount of pumping and instead of doing it by the clock I let my body tell me when I was having a let down, so it became 5 times a day, then 4, between month 9 and 10 I only pumped 3 times a day and know it is only 2 times.

The good part is that doing all of the previous things I described I was able to creat a milk bank that lasts for 2 months, also I'm 7 feedings ahead of her eating schedule.

The key to all of this is patience, lots of love and always remember this is a good thing, not only for your baby but for your pocket as well. Everytime I feel like stoping I take a walk in thebaby  formula section of my supermarket and remind myself to keep doing it.

Best wishes

Barbara

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 8:37pm

Thank you everyone for your support and advice!

The past week my boy has been EXTRA fussy after almost every feeding. The doc is calling it colic. I am eliminating things from my diet including my mother's milk tincture. He eats every two hours, sometimes takes me an hour (+) to get him calmed down and asleep after certain feedings. So I have dropped my pumps to every three hours sometimes as long as 4 or 5 at night. Has anyone had any experience with this? How did you manage to keep up your pumping with a colicky baby?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2011
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 11:53pm

Wow...your post brings me right back to th early weeks with each of my daughters (both of whom I EPed for).

First, know that everything you are feeling is completely normal.  Feeling overwhelmed and worrying about your ability to continue what you're doing once your husband or support person is gone is very, very normal.  Also, this is how new moms feel regardless of how they're feeding their baby...exclusively breastfeeding, pumping, or formulat feeding.  Take some comfort in the fact that this is something that everyone goes through.

Next, I will acknowledge that EPing is very hard work (I've done it for two babes now) but so is breastfeeding and formula feeding in their own way and for different reasons.  Debate over what feeding method is harder is a waste of time....feeding young infants is tough no matter how you choose to feed them, so take comfort in the fact that the struggle and stress you are feeling is not solely due to your choice to EP.   Look for other moms around you (regardless of how they feed their babies) who are open-minded and supportive of all feeding methods...those are the people who can help you build confidence and realize that you are an amazing mom and you are feeding your babies in the best way possible!

Lastly, know that the early months are so hormone-clouded and emotional that it's hard to get a good perspective on things.  My youngest is turning 1 in a few days (which is what prompted me to come back to this forum for a visit!) and the obsession (and it was a complete obsession for me!) with how I fed her for the first few months was similar to what I felt initially with my other child.  Luckily with both it ended a few months following their birth and I realized that there was many routes to their health (and mine!)...I just had to pick which one worked best for my family.  For me, in one case it meant continuing EPing, and for the other it meant stopping EPing...situations are unique and depend on the mom, the family and the baby.

Good luck to you and contratulations on your new family.  Trust your instinct and feel proud of what you've already accomplished.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2011
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 11:54pm

Wow...your post brings me right back to th early weeks with each of my daughters (both of whom I EPed for).

First, know that everything you are feeling is completely normal.  Feeling overwhelmed and worrying about your ability to continue what you're doing once your husband or support person is gone is very, very normal.  Also, this is how new moms feel regardless of how they're feeding their baby...exclusively breastfeeding, pumping, or formulat feeding.  Take some comfort in the fact that this is something that everyone goes through.

Next, I will acknowledge that EPing is very hard work (I've done it for two babes now) but so is breastfeeding and formula feeding in their own way and for different reasons.  Debate over what feeding method is harder is a waste of time....feeding young infants is tough no matter how you choose to feed them, so take comfort in the fact that the struggle and stress you are feeling is not solely due to your choice to EP.   Look for other moms around you (regardless of how they feed their babies) who are open-minded and supportive of all feeding methods...those are the people who can help you build confidence and realize that you are an amazing mom and you are feeding your babies in the best way possible!

Lastly, know that the early months are so hormone-clouded and emotional that it's hard to get a good perspective on things.  My youngest is turning 1 in a few days (which is what prompted me to come back to this forum for a visit!) and the obsession (and it was a complete obsession for me!) with how I fed her for the first few months was similar to what I felt initially with my other child.  Luckily with both it ended a few months following their birth and I realized that there was many routes to their health (and mine!)...I just had to pick which one worked best for my family.  For me, in one case it meant continuing EPing, and for the other it meant stopping EPing...situations are unique and depend on the mom, the family and the baby.

Good luck to you and contratulations on your new family.  Trust your instinct and feel proud of what you've already accomplished.

Pages