New here and needing support and advice
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|Wed, 09-19-2012 - 1:02pm|
This site was recommended to me by a friend. I have been cruising around reading and I am hooked ! All of you are fantastic and it is so rare to find a truly helpful and encouraging environment during this difficult time. After reading a lot of stories I thought I would share mine and see if there are any other mom's like me.
My daughter was born on 8/31 via C-section due to breech position. She is the best and hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Upon working with a LC we discovered that she has a very small mouth and getting her to keep her tongue down was almost impossible. They started me using a nipple shield to keep her tongue down and an SNS system because my milk was not in. By a week later when my milk finally came in I was already exhausted of the whole process. I was excited because I thought it would get easier. It didn't. She would fight and thrash with only occasional good latch and swallowing. She absolutely would not nurse without the shield either so I was still having to pump also. By the time she had nursed enough to be satisfied and I had pumped and cleaned up, she would wake up again in 45 mins or an hour. I felt like I was going insane. I felt that feeding my child was a punishment for her and me. Not an enjoyable bonding time like it should be. The LC's told me that at every feeding I had to 1. Pump one breast to get the milk flowing 2. Offer the bare breast until baby got frustrated 3. Put shield on and nurse 4. Have DH massage baby and breast to keep her alert and make milk flow faster 5.. Do whole process for other side 6. Then pump. Oh and "don't stress" they say, but this could occur every hour. Stress is bad for milk production so just relax. And just when do they suggest I rest ?
Soooo short story long I guess, I decided to supplement with a bottle. Which worked beautifully. I don't dread feedings, I feel like snuggling and smiling at my baby instead of avoiding and rushing through feeding like a chore. I was trying to BF a couple of times a day but couldn't figure out what benefit she or I were getting out of it. I guess I feel guilty. Like I should desperately want my baby to nurse. However even if I drive myself crazy and work around the clock to get baby on breast, I still have to go back to work in a few weeks! So what happens to all my hard work then ?? I'll be back to doing what I'm doing now. I guess bottom line for me is that I'm fighting the pressures and opinions of all my mommy friends (Facebook is horrible for my morale at this point) with my strong desire to maintain my sanity and not feel guilty ALL THE TIME !!! Am I a bad mom for this ? I don't particularly enjoy being tied to my pump however the positive feeding experience is worth it for me. And yes, currently I dream of weaning time. However, in the meantime I will keep this up as long as I can.
Any words of advice or encouragement are welcome. I hope you are all having a good Wednesday!