I'm finally accepting EPing at 9 mos

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2013
I'm finally accepting EPing at 9 mos
1
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 1:35pm

Hello lovely ladies. I wanted to introduce myself as an official "E-Pumper". While I'm so proud to have given breastmilk exclusively for 9 mos (except a couple weeks at birth), I am really discouraged (really, really discouraged) that my breastfeeding relationship is over with my DS. I'm feeling really emotional, compounded by the fact that he is and will be my "one and only". I'm just crushed that he doesn't want anything to do with the breast. I work full-time and went back at 5 weeks, so pumping and bottles have been a part of our reality from day 1.

My guy was small at birth, so a sweet nurse got me started pumping in the hospital. I'm so glad she did because I know it gave me a leg up early on. My supply has been great and I even donated around 750 ounces to a local hospital and then to a friend who adopted. I was getting ready to make my probably last donation a couple weeks ago when things really took a turn for the worst with my babe refusing the breast. His feedings in the evening were getting shorter and shorter. With his 9 mo appt approaching, I felt like it was time to start supplementing with expressed milk either after refusal or a bad feeding. I'm glad I did as he is still in the 5% range. This addition of more bottle feedings has just pushed him futher and further away from the breast and last night was the final straw. I woke him for our normal 2:30 feeding. He only ate for a few minutes and then gave up. I changed him and put him back to bed. This morning, he must have been very hungry and he still refused and I had to make a bottle. 

My patient and sweet DH is completely worn out by all of this drama. He's been incredibly supportive, but my stubbornness to breastfeed (from the tap) has been hard on us and I know it's time to let it go. 

I'm sad because I would like to breastfeed him past a year, as long as he would want. I am so over pumping and have planned to start weaning one pump at a time after age 1. I am only slightly worried about my supply dropping since I do have a good size stash. But, I'm not pumping the same amount that he will be eating with all bottles, so I know the stash will start to dwindle soon. I need to add it up, but my gut instinct is that we will have just enough to make it to a year with my continual pumping. My issue is my own emotions. I'm sad, discouraged and disappointed that I won't be nursing him. This is all one-sided because He hasn't liked the breast in months. I've had to go to extraordinary measures to keep him nursing this long. For example, by taking a stroller walk every night before his evening feeding so that he's sleepy when he eats. What is wrong with me that I tried to hold on to this when my baby wants nothing to do with it? 

Thanks in advance for listening. I look forward to being a part of this community and would love to offer my support. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2013
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 3:12pm

Hi Mamabear_8,

I'm so sorry to hear about your disappointment at moving to EPing, but I completely understand. I was very emotional when I realized traditional breastfeeding wouldn't work for us. I felt like a failure. But, we're almost 11 months in now with EPing, and, you know what - I have a healthy, happy baby. I try to focus on what I've achieved rather than what I've missed out on. You've obviously worked really hard and you've had a lot of successes so far. Pat yourself on the back for that. Be kind to yourself, because more than anything you deserve congratulations for working hard to give your baby the best you can.