Don't wanna stop but fam is pressuring

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Don't wanna stop but fam is pressuring
3
Sat, 01-02-2010 - 12:02am

I have been pumping for just shy of 18 mos. & feel I'm not ready to HUTH yet. However, I seem to not have a say in the matter since that decision affects my husband & both of my parents, who also live with us. All have suggested that I should quit since DS is pretty much weaned,(my parents more so than my DH) but I don't want to & am angry that I'm slowly being mentally forced to quit.

To me, it seems that they think I'm taking advantage of them by going off to the computer to pump(this is the only place I don't suffer extreme boredom). I think they've gotten tired of being stuck with the baby so often, which I can understand. But I'm upset that I'm no longer getting the support I had when DS was younger. I thought I was the one to decide when to quit! What's sad is that I couldn't do this at all if they weren't living with us, because I have no one else to babysit. So even if I addressed my complaints to them in a calm way, my requests would still be denied because "they know me better than that".

I will say that I have gotten attached to my pump, because I can't really go out anywhere anyway & this is pretty much my only release. I don't want anyone taking that away from me, even if they say "I'd never stop unless forced to". I don't feel it's right to force me to, but what choice do I have? I can't stand confrontations, especially ones with my parents because I never win. Is there ANY hope I can lean on to be able to pump when I need to again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Sat, 01-02-2010 - 10:48am

I'm sorry you are getting pressure to quit! What if you talked to them about it? Tell them that you recognize that you depend on them while you pump, and realize it's sometimes hard on them, but that you appreciate it, and ask them up front how long they can continue to help. Try to negotiate some kind of schedule that they can agree on in advance. Maybe you can pump while LO naps or plays alone once a day, or drop a pump, or some other compromise. Tell them how important it is to you to continue to provide breastmilk and remind them of the benefits for both you and LO (for example, the World Health Organization recommends breastmilk to at least 2 years of age).

HTH and good luck.
-Lynne

PS Congrats on 18 months of EPing! Wow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 1:20am

I would like to keep going, but I don't think it would be possible anymore. I make too little milk now & my parents are aren't as willing as before to watch my toddler while I go off to pump. They're "forcing me to grow up" & take care of my own child instead of relying on them all the time. Ironically, that is why we let them move in with us in the first place. And once my parents have made up their minds, they will not compromise. I feel stuck because they're the only people I have to watch my son & I can't pump if I have to take care of him myself.

And no, them moving back out isn't really an option right now so I'm trapped in a power struggle. My son has never been allowed to play by himself. My parents see me as "just ignoring" him & not wanting to spend time with him. I'm a very lazy & easily bored person by nature so I am unable to really give my undivided attention to my son. Unfortunately, it has led to my parents believing I'm irresponsible. I don't really know what the right thing to do is, nor do I really believe I can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 2:21am

It is really up to you if you want to quit or not.. if your parents are tired of baby sitting. then you need to find a solution while pumping... i have pumped for 12 months now.. and not once has my husband looked after our baby while i pumped.. i did it while lo was sleeping.. or with me while watching tv in his bouncy or in his play pen.. i even set him up in front of his toy that he can play with .. yes at times he get moving.. i take a break and go back to it... my husband is at work all day and most nights.. partime and full time job.. i do not have family or friends around to help..