getting uncomfortable but don't want to hurt DS8's feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-1999
getting uncomfortable but don't want to hurt DS8's feelings.
7
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 10:07pm

I have an 8 yr old son who is very emotionally sensitive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-1999

I'm going to try to get in contact with his therapist and mention it to the OT when we go this coming week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005

I've been thinking about your post, and it's a really tough one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-1999

Thank you for your insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005

I agree that they're only little once. You're in a difficult situation here! I can see how being too close can be worrisome. You mention that he's seeing the 3yo get all this attention. What about step-dad? Is he a little jealous of that relationship too? Or has he been around as long as the 8yo can remember? Could you transition to reading to him instead of snuggling?

I hope the Dr.s can give you some help. Let us know what they say.


Avatar for melissamc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
I still snuggle with my 7 yo alot, because he is still my baby. Definitely stop any of it that makes you uncomfortable, but I do they they all need hugs and affection from time to time. I've noticed that my oldest will occasionally want a a quick hug before bedtime (when just a year or two ago he wouldn't have wanted it), but my 9 yo twins try to avoid any type of affection! I think they do start to back away as they reach puberty.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Hi there, I've read through some of the other responses and totally agree that they are only little once and they all need physical affection to some extent. However, if you feel uncomfortable with something, it is probably a good time to start talking about other peoples' feelings and needing to respect their boundaries. I don't think it needs to be a negative teaching moment and he needs to be reassured you aren't pushing him away but at 8yo he is old enough to stop a behavior if it is uncomfortable for you. If you are okay with it, let him know that he can rub your back but on TOP of your shirt not under. If he can't respect that boundary, then try stopping the backrubbing altogether.

When my 13yo was younger, he insisted on holding my arm and would rub it until he fell asleep. I couldn't even wear long sleeves that were snug or he threw an absolute fit!! I put a chair next to my son's bed so I wasn't killing my back sitting or laying on the floor. As time went on (and my arm was numb every night), I started moving the chair a little further away every few nights. Maybe you can stop laying down with him and just sit on the bed? or put a chair next to the bed and hold his hand? The idea of transitioning from snuggling to reading is great! :-)

I still sit with my kiddos at bedtime (on a chair in the same room). We do prayers and sometimes read depending on how late it is. After about 5-10mins, I can leave unless the 4yo is giving me a tough time. Even then, I just stay nearby but not within touching distance. It took many nights to wean my oldest from having to touch me to fall asleep and he went through a period of not wanting physical affection at all. But there is hope...at 13 he is back to giving his mom hugs a little more readily and doesn't run for the hills if I tell him I love him. LOL

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Registered: 06-17-2005

Wow.