What Mothers Must Do For Their Sons

Community Leader
Registered: 04-08-2008
What Mothers Must Do For Their Sons
8
Tue, 03-19-2013 - 11:40am

I came by this article today and really wanted to share it here.  It was written regarding the Steubenville rape, and the author discusses what we, as parents and especially mothers, need to do for our sons. 

I think the part that stuck with me was the point about not shying away from telling our sons the truth about sex.  I really (really!) struggle with this. I want to be open and honest with my boys, but I struggle with knowing how much to share and when.

How about you? Do you struggle with any of the points discussed in the article?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kim-simon/prevent-another-steubenville-moms-of-sons_b_2896131.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 8:07am

That's a great article, Kristy.  I have also always struggled with talking about sex.  I have taught my boys about being kind and about respecting other people.  I have taught them that in general they should not try to talk others into doing things they don't want to do, and should not be talked into things by others, and I hoped that as they got older that would translate into the sexual realm.  I've always felt that I've fallen short in actually talking about sex directly, though.  I have no problem talking about drugs, alcohol, smoking and suicide, but it's the sex stuff that always trips me up.

Community Leader
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 3:15pm

You and me both!  I always wonder if this is a discussion that my DH should be having with them.  I don't want to cause embarrassment, if that makes sense.  I do talk to them about puberty, but that's as far as it goes really.  It is a hard topic to be open about!

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:49pm

Actually, we have been using this case to talk about things, parties, drinking, being able to give convent, her word v your word, etc.... My ds turned 15 on Monday. He plays football and lacross. I tell him that stay with God's rules and you won't have to hauled up in front of a judge and the media. I also told him that a girl drinking might look like a an easy target, but it could screw up your life forever.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Community Leader
Registered: 04-08-2008
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 3:13pm

Hi Ramona,

I think it is awesome that you've been able to be so open with your son about this, and have been able to use this case as a jumping off point.  It really needs to be talked about and if anything good (and I hate using the word good anywhere around something like this, but you know what I mean) can come from it, this is it. 

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 4:23pm

This case hits close to home because they are football players and athletes.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Sat, 03-23-2013 - 3:22am
My sons are 12 and 18, and I have never had any problem talking to either of them, or to my nieces and nephews, about things like date rape, drinking, sex, love, or anything to do with any of it. We discuss everything, which at times leaves me wishing they didn't always say whatever was on their minds. However, I can and do discuss whatever is on their minds, even the subjects like oral sex, because I think these subjects are only mildly cringe-worthy when you consider I'm a nurse and have had way more awkward conversations. If you can discuss masturbation, male grooming, and watching porn online, then you can easily discuss anything, and your kids feel like you're not going to judge them or punish them for having questions. From the first questions, like "where is your penis, mom?" to the more difficult discussions about when it's ok to have sex with someone, I have found that just keeping a straight face and being honest, open, and age-appropriate, has made it easy for them to open up to me.
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 2:49pm

I have no issues talking with kids about sex, my own or others. The alternative is too costly. The first thing a boy needs to hear, over and over and over: If you don't hear the word YES, assume the answer is NO. 

Avatar for melissamc
Community Leader
Registered: 03-22-2007
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 2:19pm
Good article! I don't have a problem talking about it for the most part, but think they are more comfy talking with my dh. I know he's had a couple of conversations already with our oldest, and is very good at being open and matter of fact.

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