New here...discipline ideas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2007
New here...discipline ideas?
5
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 3:01pm

HI. I'm new here. Glad I found this board... I think I'm definitly an APer lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2006
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 2:26pm

Hi Jennifer. ((Hugs)) You do have your hands full! I only have 2 children (ages 3 and 1) and I'm exhausted!


I can relate to your post in that I also am the only person I know IRL who uses gentle discipline.


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             &nb
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 2:34pm

Congrats to you on changing your discipline methods--it sounds like you do feel better about what you are doing, which is great. I have a couple of thoughts. First, think about what it is realistic to get your DD to do. Tidy up her room once a day, probably (although I'm not strict on this with my kids, who are now 14, 11, and 6). To consistently obey, be respectful and appreciative, probably not. I think of discipline as a long-term project, not a short term one. If you teach and discipline her well, respect her, listen, all those good things, hopefully she will be obedient, respectful and appreciative when she is older; no 4.5-year-old can do all that reliably right now. So I think discipline is about teaching and instilling good values and habits over the long-term, and for me that is what gentle discipline is about. Whipping might indeed get them to do what you want *tomorrow*, but at what cost? Gentle discipline will probably take longer, but is without the violence. So I guess my message is don't think that you are failing because your young children are not acting perfectly right now, it's a longterm deal. They are probably not afraid of you, which means that they are not toeing the obedience line out of fear, but you don't really want that anyway.

However, I see your difficulty in living in a culture where everyone does whip their kids, and therefore expects children who do toe the line all the time, even if it is out of fear. I know that in some places that fear of the parents' wrath is what is expected, and is what "good kids" do. So a couple of ideas--if your daughter is being sassy with you, try not responding to her for a little bit ("I don't want to chat with you if you are going to speak to me that way. People like to talk to you when you speak nicely to them.") Or for room cleaning, be really specific with what you want done--this helps my kids. Not "Clean up your room," but "First, put the books in the bookshelf. I'll help you start. When that's done, I'll come back.....OK, now put the stuffed animals in the bin..." One thing at a time, so they can grasp the plan and feel like they are accomplishing something. "Clean up your room" is too big a concept even for my 11-year-old. Or if nothing is working, bring out the garbage bag--"Please get these things off the floor. I'll bring in a timer to help you know how much time you have. At the end, if there's anything on the floor, I will think that means you do not want it, and I'll put it in the garbage bag." And then do it. I have never had the guts to throw the stuff away; I just put it away for a bit.

I hope that helps!!

Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2007
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 10:37am

thanks so much 4 both the responses.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 10:23pm

I wonder if your DD would respond to a comfort corner instead of a time out? This from a Christian mothers site (forgive me if you are not Christian) but I like her description that is about half way down. http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/articles/crystal/nottimeouts.php Maybe she would respond better. Plus if you are having a hard moment you can model cooling down for her.

As for your DH, you work just as hard. Don't forget that. If he really won't help in general, at least insist that he clean up after himself and get his laundry together and on top of the washer. He shouldn't make work for you. In our house whoever doesn't have charge of the baby is working on the chores. :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2007
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 12:54am

Thanks for the link. Yes I am a

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