What do you say?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2009
What do you say?
12
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 5:02am

It's happened to us all, I'm sure. Someone asks you a question about your kids or offers (unsolicited and unappreciated) advice and you give an answer that indicates your philosophy on attachment parenting. And then that's when, for some reason, people feel the overwhelming desire to "educate" you on why what you're doing is wrong. I have a million reasons for attachment parenting, but when I'm faced with nay-sayers, all of my feelings well up inside and I don't know what to say (because I have so much to say!) to make them understand that what I'm doing is right for my family and that's the end of it!


So, my question to you all is, what do you say when given unsolicited and rude advice regarding attachment parenting? What do you say to shut them up, so to speak, without offending them in the process???


I'm kind of looking for a short and sweet, to the point (and leave me alone now!) answer.


Thanks!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 4:21pm

well it hasnt happened to me often but i usually say "well, it works for me." in a sure tone of voice. it leaves little room for discussion. or i will say "i think parenting is a very personal issue and i do what i feel is right for me."

today i was asked how long i would continue bfing for (she was purely curious) and i just said that i havent put a time limit on it because bfing doesnt interfere in my life.

i think that people usually back off a bit when they can sense that you are 100% sure of what you are doing. if someone really pushes it, after replying politely a few times you can just tell them, "look, it's my kid and i do what i want with him." :-) ive used that one once with my mom.

AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket


Photobucket

Photobucket
Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 6:17pm
Simple and easy, thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 9:49pm

I usually do the whole "Well, it works for our family thing." If someone really pushes it then I'll say in a joking-but-not-really-joking way "Well, I figure the 31 hours of labor entitles me to parent her how I decide to. Hahaha" TAKE A HINT. LOL But I find that to be pretty effective.


MarlenaAli616.jpg Ali picture by gal_marlena

MarlenaAli616.jpg Ali picture by gal_marlena

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2008
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 1:45pm

It depends what the advice is but I typically respond with something like "I don't do that." It totally closes any further conversation off. That's usually to something like spanking or CIO. With co-sleeping I responded with, "I have to leave them all day to go to work, I'm not going to push them away at night." With nursing I just said, "when they decide to stop, we'll stop."


I usually try to say something that doesn't leave room for conversation. If you say it in a confident voice, people tend not to argue.


A blank stare works well too. ;-)

Photobucket


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 8:06pm

I use "it works for us" too.

Its amusing that people like to criticize AP when you have a baby, but then compliment your parenting when you have secure, well-behaved kids later.

Although, I've noticed that now that I have 3 kids people don't give me much unsolicited advice anymore.


joypark.jpg picture by funkymamajoy


vbacmomma.gif image by joysiggynatural.gif picture by funkymamajoy


dontwean1.gif image by joysiggy



joypark.jpg picture by funkymamajoy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 9:04pm

"I have to leave them all day to go to work, I'm not going to push them away at night."

I like that a lot Darcy! I will steal it, if I may.

I'm a single mum so I think most people just assume that I am some poor unfortunate who just doesn't know what she's doing at all and tend to leave me alone.

On a slight tangent, a security guard in my building told me off today because I wouldn't allow my son to climb all over the lobby furniture. It really annoyed because I am trying to teach my son to be respectful of other's people's things. He was banging on about it for 5 minutes and I can tell you, by the end of that time, I was getting to the end of my 'just nod and smile' tether!

Photobucket



Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Pyzam Family Sticker Toy
TickerShack.com Ticker
<Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2008
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 12:02pm
Wow Julie, that's annoying. You'd think they would like the fact your son is not jumping all over the furniture.
Photobucket


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 12:09pm
Great question! Unfortunately, so many people think they can challenge you on whatever you're doing. I get more questions about homeschooling than my parenting. Depending on how or what they ask, I don't ever let them debate me. I will discuss and be glad to share my reasons. If they get defensive or argumentative, a short 'I'm sorry you don't think it would work for you but it works for us' usually ends the conversation. I sure wish they'd stop though!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:22pm
He did it again this evening but I was a bit more bolshy this time and said that, no, he wasn't to climb on the furniture because I don't want him to think it's okay to climb on other people's things!
Photobucket



Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Pyzam Family Sticker Toy
TickerShack.com Ticker
<Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:25pm

That really is the best way. Since I believe in what I'm doing so strongly, I am tempted to get sucked into a debate--to defend myself and family! But it's true that a simple cool-headed end to the discussion will let the other person know that they need to stop as well as keep myself from getting offended.


Thanks

Pages