Hello

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Hello
8
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 2:24am

Hello, I am looking for a forum to gain some support with my two children, I love them both dearly but they both have issues, some because of medical reasons and some because they have had a bad past with my ex, they are on the right road but it's slow and painful and now causing problems in my new relationship, I was first introuduced to the nurtured heart approach by cams and i found it so helpful but feel i have got a little rusty on it so I have just ordered the book so I can have a read up and try to start again as I feel I have lost my way again

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
In reply to: mermaid2012
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 9:15am

Good morning and thank you so much for your patience in awaiting a reply!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
In reply to: mermaid2012
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 9:29am

Good Morning !!

Valentine Bingo               

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
In reply to: mermaid2012
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 3:37am

Hello Jan and thank you for such a warm welcome

Three great things about my children

They make me smile because they are funny and clever

They make me proud every time they try hard

They have come through much and still they are standing and not being negative

I could go on and on, my childrens behaviour has improved already so very much but now I'm onto the fine tuning :manhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
In reply to: mermaid2012
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 3:56am

Thank you so much patterson for the warm welcome x

the areas I think I need to work on are , my eldest has already managed his anger and rarely shows it and when he does he nearly always walks away and calms him self down, it's mainly they are doing small things that I feel are out of character for a child and believe it's down to the past, they are very self centered and unaware of things around them, my eldest has learnt to lie to save himself and because children are sponges and he's sponged from a compulsive liar and now thinks it's normal to lie, they show a deviousness that I need to change in them, again due to their past, I find we are having the same arguments over petty things every single day like "don't take your phone to school it cost too much money" my son will then try to find ways to get it out of the house, "put your coats on the hangers and the bags on the stairs, shoes on the rack when you come in from school" they consistently throw them on the floor and then kick off when I remind them, "homework" I don't have any, then hide the fact and then getting detentions" and not really caring, my eldest argues over everything and I mean everything, when he does not get his own way he keeps nagging and nagging until her does just like my ex did, my children are wonderful boys but f they carry on the way they are they won't do as well as they could in school, my eldest seems to have lost his pride in his work?

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
In reply to: mermaid2012
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 10:07am
I'm going to pick up on something you said -- and hope you'll be ok with it - use your fear as your jet fuel. Remember your kids and your partner aren't out to "get you." They are out to get your energy -- you get to choose whether they do or not. It's all about the relationship and the energy of the relationship. AND we will be talking about that during our upcoming chats next month.

When you're recognizing the boys, make sure you're being very specific about what you're recognizing them for. Get under that radar and lay the rope at the bottom of the tank again if you have to - to Shamu them back into greatness. If your son feels that he has to lie to get your attention, then there's still something sort of out whack. He's not feeling confident enough yet in himself to stand tall. That will come once he has that inner wealth built. I would imagine that the compulsion to lie will die out eventually. I'm not a therapist or counselor -- however, I've seen the change happen in my own family -- and I know NHA does work when you are using it and being the Approach.

 

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
In reply to: mermaid2012
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 10:10am
Hey Sue! Thanks for hopping on over - I'll be home on Tuesday and hopefully on time for chat! See you both there?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
In reply to: mermaid2012
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 2:14pm
oh you are doing a great job..and "hats off to you" for being able to organize a fmaily meeting. I think it sound like a great idea to get everyone's input. Eveyone's opinion matters and I am sure that means a lot to the kids.
I agree with Jan about the enoergy comment. As much as you'd like to escalate your anger and energy..try and keep it "low key". OHHHH get your point across ..for sure..but keep it in a calm voice. That was and IS the hardest thing for me..LOL...I am very vocal !..LMAO....hope you are enjoying your weekend!!..and hope to see u tueday at chat !!...

Valentine Bingo               

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
In reply to: mermaid2012
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 12:55pm
Hey there !! Hope all is well..just wanted to check in !

Valentine Bingo