Introducing myself :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Introducing myself :D
3
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 12:12pm

Hello! My name is Stephanie and my daughter's therapist just recommended that we start using the NHA in our home. Our "difficult" child is 11 and she has been giving us a run for our money since she was 3. We also have a 6 year old who is so sweet and easygoing, but we can tell that she's beginning to learn some of her sister's "tricks" and we're hoping to nip that in the bud.

We're just getting started and haven't even recieved the book yet, we're just going by the info the therapist gave us, but I wanted to jump in here because I know I'll have lots of questions. So far we've been doing the "Kodak Moments" and we've implemented some very basic rules/consequences. Kyra's moods and behaviors have wide swings from good to bad, but she has been in a very good phase for a few weeks and we wanted to capitalize on that and get the rules and consequences going before she swings back to the bad. Or maybe she'll just never swing back there, wouldn't that be wonderful?

I do have one quick question now that I'm thinking about it. With the rules and consequences, is it okay to have multi-step consequences? For example, our rule is "Do what you are told, when you are told, without arguing". This is a huge one for us, Kyra is ridiculously stubborn. The consequence is that they have to write the 4th commandment (the honor thy mother and father one) a number of times. Okay, great, but if Kyra really digs in her heels and is being stubborn about something that is non-negotiable (like going to school), that consequence might not be enough to get her to do what she needs to do. So I was thinking of having "steps", so if she refuses to do something she gets the first consequence, if she continues to refuse she gets a tougher consequence, and so on. I don't want to start out with a really tough consequence, because it seems like overkill to have them lose the computer for a week if they just drag their heels when it's time to brush their teeth. Anyway, any thoughts on this?

Thanks for all of the work you're doing here. It is very appreciated!

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 2:35pm
Don't worry about what you have to say -- we're pretty informal around this place.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 12:27pm

Hm, maybe I'll drop in for a chat. Chats usually don't go well for me though, I spend so much time trying to phrase my responses that I miss most of what's being said. Thanks!

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 2:30pm
Hi and welcome to the board. It's exciting to hear that you've been introduced to the Approach and are using the first step (Kodaks) of the Recognitions... which is the foundational piece of the Nurtured Heart Approach. Stay with the recognitions -- that piece is integral and truly has to be in place for the Approach to be transformational and the energy and relationship also has be used in the right way... what I'm sensing is that in your consequences there's still some negative energy being attached to that. Is there a way you can disconnect that? Remain as neutral as possible when meting your regular consequences for the time being. Let's try to give you some new tools to add to your toolbox and some ideas of bringing out more your dd's greatness and ways to celebrate that.

Here's a thought: Let's not worry about the what if's yet. How about joining us tonight in our chatroom for week 2 of our Nurturing Family Greatness series. We'll be talking a lot about energy, intention and the recognitions. AND Maybe we can answer some of your questions. The link is posted in the chat thread below and we'd love to see you there. (this is a free 5 week series)

I hope we'll see you there. If you need more information, just respond here.