Major Tantrums & Pushing Limits
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|Fri, 01-13-2012 - 11:00pm|
I have been using the nurtured heart approach for around 6 months now and while my son has improved in many areas, he has not in others. He is a very intense child. High anxiety, quick to panic if things dont go according to schedule. Recently he has become a latchkey kid (i would say the last 2 months). I thought this would boost his self confidence. Also he had been going to the daycare with me since he was @ 3. He is now 10 and will be 11 in a month. I figured he is old enough to now stay home for a few hours after school until i get home. Everything seemed to be going fine up until a couple days ago. I now get off work later, which he is completely aware of, at 6 instead of 5. I usually call him to let him know that i am off work to ease his mind. Long story somewhat short, i called him a little after 6 noticing he had called my phone twice already. Before i even looked at the phone i knew he was probably worried. He told me that he had went to a neighbors house to use their phone, whom we really don't know since we just moved in a few months ago. I was upset with him and scolded him for going to a neighbors. I feel like i am on call with him. Like if i dont respond right on time it will throw him into a frenzied anxiety attack. When i returned home i explained to him that we needed to go to the neighbors house to let her know everything is okay. He was not happy and started screaming at the top of his lungs in rebutlle. I was fine with ignoring it. I was at home. Finally he calmed down. He normally doesnt scream all the time for everything, this seems very episodic. Anyway we made it through and i relaxed a bit and felt better about him staying home. Well, tonight i had to work at my job, the daycare, for parents night out. Me and a couple other coworkers watch a bunch of preschoolers until @ 11 and then we go home. I really need the $$ since i cut my hours to go to school full time. I brought my son so he wouldnt be home alone the rest of the night. He was doing relatively well except he would occassionally lash out on the other children if they got to close to him. I told him he needed to be nice to the kids. I know that was a mistake, because it was negative but its hard to think quickly when i am tired and i am distracted by the other kids. He continued to do fine, drawing in his comic books and playing. Then he asked me something and i responded, at this poiny i totally forget what we were even talking about. Well i ended up telling him to take a time out. I hat etelling him to take a time out in public because i fear the worst.. And well the worst happened. I took his phone because in time out you cannot use anything that requires token usage. He became even more angry. He was screaming NO and I DONT HAVE TOO! i tried to ignore the behavior but the children we watching and he was getting really loud. I turned up the movie and went about my buisness. He acted like a totally different child. He became almost aggressive toward me and tapped me on the shoulder-which he NEVER does, almost in a taunting manner to get my attention. He had not eaten yet because the pizza delievery guy was running late but hungry or no hungry i have never seen him act like this before, especially in public. He growled at me and just seemed very unlike himself like i said before. I kinda felt like i was in the twilitght zone. I tried hard not to cry as i didnt want his behavior to cause me to have to leave work or to give in to his negativity. At this point he was scaring me, possibly the children, and potential parents who may have picked up their children at any time. I work there for crying out loud, i should know how to handle my child right?? wrong i left because the screaming got worse he acted like was going to throw a toy buy pretenteding he was going to pick a rocking horse up and throw it. I didnt want to endanger another child. I feel so defeated. I went through the Nurtured Heart approah therapy with a therapist, bought the book. About 3 weeks ago i finally made it to the consequences chapter. Thsi definitley helped at home but he has never did this out side of the home, ever!! I understand that he wants me to be the rock for him. That i wont waver but i couldnt put the other kids at risk and also get into trouble with my boss for ruining the evening. At home it doesnt bother me so much because it doesnt affect anyone else but me, and im dealing with it relatively well. I just couldnt handle it. I have the tools but what do i do when he is literally screaming at the top of his lungs random things and he is becoming more physical?? I just dont get it.