Credit System-pooling credits?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Credit System-pooling credits?
11
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 8:52am

I'm new to this forum, and I think I originally posted this in the wrong section! So here it is again and sorry if I'm duplicating!

I have just started the Nurtured Heart approach w/my 3 boys, ages 7, 9, and 12. The challenge I am finding is being able to muster as much enthusiasm for the positive that they do b/c I feel so worn out from the negatives. I guess it will become easier for me as I establish a consistent neutral reaction to problems.
My question is about the credit system: my kids want to pool their credits for certain privileges, and I'm not sure how to handle that. On the one hand, if it is an activity that everyone could participate in (for example, 1 way they can spend their credits is watching a nature show on a schoolnite when our schedule allows), it doesn't seem right to exclude some of them. However, on the other hand, the kids should have to earn enough for each privilege. Should I add a "surcharge" if they want to pool their credits? Any thoughts out there?
Thx in advance for any help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 9:39am

Good morning and welcome to the board!

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 12:43pm

HAHA too funny Jan..I posted the same thing above abt equal share...before I even read your post !

Valentine Bingo               

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 5:26pm
Thx for your suggestions. I do have ways for them to earn bonuses and "freebies" so I think there is plenty of reinforcements in the system. And you're right, they should be able to make it work if everyone wants to do it, so they can be cooperative about it, or else do some other activity elsewhere. Thx again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 8:27am

Sue!


You are so there!

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 8:47am
How are things going?

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 4:53pm

I am very new to the NHA as well, maybe 6 weeks, give or take. I just wanted to share some of my own observations about the process. One thing that I am working very hard on is my output towards the negative. I find that by being conscious of how much energy I am outputting towards the negative, I am able to ground it a little more, resulting in me having more "success" energy. We had a school incident last night with our 15 year old (the SAME one we have hundreds of other times) only this time, I reserved my energy, stayed calm, let my husband's more gentle nature surf me through when I was feeling ramped up. This is one of the gifts that NHA is giving me: softening me, adding a more gentle flair to my parenting.

My advice? Stick with it. Resets are working probably better for me than my kids right now. As I practice my own ability to "reset" even in the moment of a negative high voltage moment, I notice that NHA is giving me more thought into turning that high electric voltage moment into a laser light show that is fun to watch. I also notice that the more I practice, even though it might not make a huge difference in the moment, I see that the next high voltage event has a little less wattage and it is becoming more manageable. I know that exhaustion well, and the results for NHA are lessening some of the exhaustion, especially as my ability to recognize to awesome behavior vs the negative behavior becomes more prominent for me. It also appears to me that the MORE I recognize the greatness, the less of the negative there is to deal with. Three of my children are 5 and under, and it is sometimes work for me right now because it isn't habit yet to notice the great moments instead of letting those moments like" OMG! Don't pull the cats tail!!!!" Or, "HEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY!!! Don't hit your brother" be the moments that stop me in the middle of my busy days. It takes a little concentration and attention on my part to make that happen. Do you notice that too?

Hope this helps..newbie to newbie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 8:47am
What an amazing analogy! I love your "high voltage" musing in your post, Stephrickie! Thanks so much for sharing and you're definitely on the right track as you determine to focus your energy and relationship! Go Stephrickie! Go girl!

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 10:15am

I am workin' it gurlfrand. Work it...work it...work it. What is that Dolly Parton song? Workin' 9-5? Maybe I should change the lyrics and make it into an NHA song?

It might not always be pretty and sometimes I see myself being the complete antithesis to the NHA. But with practice, things are emerging. I am probably changing more than my kids. I am learning to let go of lecturing, mini-lecturing, micro-lecturing. As the peace within me grows, I see the peace in my home growing. Those high voltage drama moments are becoming less and less.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 9:08am
Celebrating your GREATNESS in honoring your recognitions of the changes you are making and seeing along the way.

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 8:38am
Salgal, What is the latest and greatest we can celebrate with you this weekend?

 


 



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