High spirited parent & relapses

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2009
High spirited parent & relapses
12
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 9:23pm
I've been doing the NHA for about 1 year. We have ups and downs. We are in a major down cycle. What do you do if you're the parent who was out of control and are now trying to get in control! I feel so discouraged and I know alot of it is my fault. I want to set up a foundation that is better for my son than what I had because I have lived out the negative side. We know this method is the answer, but I'd like to hear how high spirited parents make the change.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 8:15am

Hi T and welcome to the board. First of all, congratulate yourself on taking this huge step! What a magnificent choice you're making. I love that you recognize that NHA is the answer and can make the difference in your home. YOU ARE RIGHT ON!

You are beginning anew today! Set a new default for today, maybe even just for this moment, to get your footing and be sure to lay the ropes of success everywhere (the Shamu story). Re-read the story of the Tolltaker. Remember the 3 stands (You can review the basics in the Parent Toolbox threads weeks 1-4 in the folder below)? Review them, then resolve to hold firm and honor them. Honor yourself for each time you keep them in place during the day or evening. I know it's difficult at first, I have every faith you can do it. You've seen the results first hand. Go for the goal again!

For example: - I will honor myself for my choices 5 times today. I will honor my son 5 times today and we'll all celebrate this evening as we prepare to go to bed. Remember to celebrate using the recognitions. Begin at the beginning, if necessary with the Active Recognitions. "I am.........." reserving any tags of judgements. Just honor the moment and what you are seeing. Close your eyes and breathe in your own greatness as you listen to the words you're sharing with yourself. Honor the feeling in your heart. "I am......."

Mr Glasser has written a book for adults -- You Are Oprah, Igniting the Fires of Greatness. This would be a perfect gift for the new year and help you strengthen your resolve to make the changes you see as being essential to success.

Feel free to drop in anytime. We'd love to help you in this Journey of Success and Greatness knowing that you will make a difference in your family!

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 8:41am

T, we haven't heard back from you for a while. I'm hoping that you're finding your spiritedness is a blessing -- and discovering through your personal application of the Approach that you have many gifts to celebrate.

What can we celebrate with you today?

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2009
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 5:34pm
It's been a good month. We have refocused and are very refreshed after a vacation. Thanks for checking back. I purchased some books celebrating high energy children. Awesome. It's going to be a good year. T
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 9:47am

T, What optimism and joy! Hope you'll drop by frequently to share and celebrate with us.

What can we celebrate with you today?

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:39pm
Hi, we had such a good vacation and we got back to homeschool our son had a total meltdown. The thing is that he does well, gets all the answers right but as soon as I get a book out, he goes crazy, crying and slamming doors. We spent 4 hours trying to get 90 minutes worth of work done. He talks so bad about himself and I'm at a loss because he is right about alot of it. I want to encourage him and point out the positive but he screams at me as soon as I try to say something positive. I know that I get sucked right in, I try to resist but he is relentless and I end up going negative. Then we both end up crying and hugging and we're both worn out. At this point he has no friends because he's so intense that other kids don't want to be around him. Things went so well over our vacation, I guess because there were no responsibilities. I struggle with depression myself so I'm so afraid that he will follow down my path. On the other side, he is so friendly and outgoing when he is happy about things. The emotional roller coaster is hard on all of us. Does anyone relate? Toni
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 8:43am

Toni, I've dealt with some depression in the past -- probably nothing as significant as to yours or what you're dealing with...What I have found for me, is that if I build in some meditation time into my day, I generally don't get as depressed as I might have in the past. Your son may even enjoy a bit of meditation time.

There are times when 1 minute of solitude was all it took - other times it may have required a bit longer. Deep breathing, listening to some quiet music, doing yoga have all been good things for me. I wonder if you were able to incorporate one of more of these things into your homeschool schedule, it might lesson the anxiety your son feels when you bring out the books -- you may also consider some un-schooling techniques that lessen the anxiety - I believe that the Home School board here on iVillage can offer some ideas in that direction.

Just some thoughts...

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 11:11am

Is it possible for you to find one friend for your son who can be patient, tolerant, and unconditional with him? (This means the parents will be this as well).

This is what I have done with our 15 year old who has some complex social issues. There is a family that has provided the space of acceptance. He has this friend over a lot to our house, where I can "monitor" and instruct socially. Before I got turned onto NHA, I would only instruct when I saw negative behavior. Now, I use NHA and use recognitions as he employs acceptable, age appropriate behavior. The other parents also help me by recognizing the same when he is at their house, and help me by telling me what socially has happened in their home so I can help develop the issues that need more shaping.

When the kids are at my house, I try to stay in close proximity of their socialization, so that I can interrupt if necessary. Or play games with them so that I can set social examples.

The process is slow because of some of my DS15 other issues. However, it is working and he is learning, and taking some of those skills into the bigger pool of peers at school.

I am new to NHA about 6 wks, with a short "winging it" over the summer that didn't last too long. One thing I have observed about myself is that when I learn to control my own energy, my kids are more calm. I have a lot of energy and it is easy to butter my kids with it, and before you know it, we are all slipping all over the place. But, when I harness my own energy, things are able to stay calm...and less exhausting.

Do you read the Newsletter sent out by Energy Parenting? Susan McLeod, the author, had a profound distinction in the most recent edition between seeing the negative and turning them into positives, ie: an argumentative child is really an opinionated child who really knows what they want. I wonder if you could use this to help shape some of the ideas your son has about himself? Here is from the the Newsletter:

"Energyparenting is an enduring framework upon which to hang your family story. The one with the happy ending. No matter how it might look, or what others might think or say, this is your story, and you are the writer, editor and publisher of it. You're in charge, and you get to choose the point of view from which every person and event will be seen. Trouble-maker or truth-seeker? Critic or quality control? Mess-in-motion or explorer-extraordinaire? Rebel or way-maker? Arguer or debate team candidate? Stubborn or strong-minded? Mistake or miracle? You're choosing the camera angle and writing the captions. "

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 12:11am
I feel the same way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 8:11am

Hi Stacey and welcome to the board.

Thank you for sharing your fearlessness and posting! You point out that you too are spirited -- can you share three traits you consider to be your most precious? Can you share three things that did go well yesterday or that are going well this morning -- for you and your ds?

I hope you'll also take some time to read through the Toolbox threads below and visit the chat room. The chat from this past Tuesday is still visible.

Hoping to hear from you soon!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 3:45pm

Hi Stacey !


My DS was like that at 3 1/2 also..well still is at times..but he has gotten better.

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