I'm the problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2011
I'm the problem
12
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 11:29am

So my DH and I are facilitating a marriage study called "Love and Respect".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 12:37pm

I think our first step in anything is to realize what we're doing or not doing about it and I think you have that covered. I think that once you realize that you're a cog in the 'crazy cycle' you start thinking about it and can change yourself in mid-stream. Paying attention to your body language is a great start!

I hope Jan or someone else pops by to give you some ideas on how to stop the bad habits.

Let us know how it's going!


Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 7:28am

Sonlight,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 2:28pm
I know that this is true. My DS is very offeneded when people don't treat him with respect and very often shuts down towards those people. I have told everyone that comes into his life (teachers ect...) that in order to get respect from my DS you have to treat him with it. I'm not trying to a bad person by saying that or saying that my son should be able to get away with anything but it is the truth. He is only going to show you respect if you show it to him.

I have to say I am the one person who really gets that with him. My DH on the other hand has really struggled with it. Often demanding or telling him to do things without being polite or respectful. He's not cruel he just talks to DS the way his parents talked to him. I tell him all the time 'just say please' tell him 'thank you' show him you appreciate what he does and help him out when you can. Don't put everything on him, you take some of the work load too when you can. Be reasonable. When he asks you to do something for him be polite and do it. Like you ask him to go get something for you when you need it and you are busy doing something else do the same thing for him every once in awhile. It really works with my DS. I also let him see me doing things like taking care around the house. If I ask him to empty the dishwasher I make sure I am sweeping or cooking dinner while he does it. That way we are both helping out at the same time instead of it looking like I'm asking him to help out around the house but I'm sitting on my behind.

Try using those 'magic' words we know, like please and thank you and show him that you take equal roles at the same time.

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Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 8:15am
How are things going?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2011
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 10:22pm

We're still very up and down.

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 7:59am
Each morning before you drop him off at school, take him aside and ask him what would he like to celebrate with you after school today. Let him choose one of the things on his chart - then he can be in charge of his behavior for the day. He can be the one choosing. Even if he isn't successful for the entire day... celebrate even a mini success - if he held it together until the first recess or during music, but CELEBRATE! Be sure to let him see he is worthy of his greatness even if he experienced a failure during the day, he was still successful at least part of the day. He didn't FAIL all day long, just an oops for part of the day and got right back on track -- he was able to reset and start again, great going -- Celebrate whatever you see as a success and help him see that and then demonstrate that for his teachers too if you can....

There's still a lot of energy and connection attached at school and I'm sorry he's having so many issues there. Hang on. I think I have some answers. Try the idea I've suggested above. I'm also sending you a private message with another thought.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2011
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 4:45pm

Hi!!!

I just wanted to post since it's been a while and let you know how things are going.

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 10:38am

I'm so thrilled for you!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 10:24am

What a great success story!! I hope things continue to improve for all of you! :)

Thanks for letting us know.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 11:37am

Thanks ladies!!

No rush on those stats; whenever you get time.

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