Need advice on handling bedtime

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2011
Need advice on handling bedtime
7
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 10:18pm

We're in week 1 of this approach and still feeling our way around it, but I have hope!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 8:10am

Welcome to the board! It sounds like you are taking some great steps in keeping him safe. WTG!

Do you have a bedtime routine? Bath, book, talking about the day sort of thing? I wonder if just the words 'It's time for bed' might set some of our children off and we need another way to let them know it's that time of day.

Hugs!


Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 8:24am
Hi. I'm sure it's exhausting and you know, he knows it's a button he can engage and push get lots of energy on -- and I know that you do have legitimate concerns with. Hang in there and know that you're not alone. Welcome to Nurtured Heart Parenting!

Tell me a little more about what happens after it's lights out for your son. I would imagine that there may be things he feels he's going to miss out on. So "acting out," provides an energized connection with you - albeit negative.

Consider the following: Set a timer and encourage him to "beat" the timer in getting ready for bed. Some kids love this - making sure that you're using the recognitions and have all of the stands firmly in place. And every time he makes a great choice recognize that -- honor his good choice. If he even moves toward a good choice, recognize it. Make sure you have a check list for him to follow, so he won't miss a step. Let him put stickers or a check mark along each step as he moves through the process each night. Even if he isn't completely successful, make lots of noise for the progress he does make during the time. Be realistic with the time allotment. If it would generally take an hour to accomplish the tasks, don't expect 10 minutes on the timer to do the trick or let him set the timer for 10 minutes. Failure is not an option -- Success is what you want! If each task is about 10 minutes and he is able to finish the task in less than 10 minutes, then yes, that's fine! He can shave a couple of minutes off the task.
Use those "extra" minutes for cuddling and snuggling time during some story time or maybe a quiet game or drawing or coloring time just before lights out -- or maybe he can earn some extra one on one time with Mom or Dad over the weekend.

Another thought would be to offer him some quiet time in bed -- give him a flashlight to read a book by - special toys that he can play with in bed -- only to be used when he goes to bed, and at no other time. Lights can be on for 30 minutes before going out. These are some things we used and worked for us. Hope they help.




 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2011
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:32pm

We do have a consistent bedtime routine that we've had in place since he was born.

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 2:27pm

 

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 9:04am
two months later -- how are things going with the Approach fully in place? What can we celebrate with you today?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2011
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 5:35pm

Sorry...dropped out for awhile and just saw your question!!

Avatar for janx7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2001
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 6:10pm
Thanks for dropping back in! There's much in the way of greatness growing in your home. WOW!

You have shown your amazing powers of reset and self-control! WOW! You could have made a myriad of choices in that moment, however, you chose not to go off half cocked and get angry. You chose to acknowledge his self-control and power in that moment! GO YOU!

I can only imagine how powerful and connected he was to his emotions in that moment as well. Look at all of the decisions he was making too. He's also grown -- Powerfully! He couldn't have done it so masterfully without YOU! Your resets and transformation -- do you realize that? You have transformed!

I don't think that when Howard Glasser first created the Approach to help kids, he recognized that parents too would be changing side by side as the children transformed, but they do -- as children build their inner wealth, the parents can't help but build their own as well. It's amazing and joyous! Stand in YOUR Greatness, you've definitely earned it today. Those little successes are truly worthy of celebrating -- both his and yours! Hope you'll continue to share your progress with us... dropping in on occasion with an update or two. We'd love to hear how things are going!

To you greatness as the journey continues.... hugs!