9 year old growing up too fast

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
9 year old growing up too fast
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 4:43am
Hello, all. I have a sweet 9 year old dd. To the point - she's been getting pimples for about six months now. About two months ago, she was wear a pain of over-alls with out shirt on under it (around the house). Anyhow, you could see in on the sides - and bought her first taining bra.

After talking with her. She got upset and didn't want a bra. She stomed off saying "Not unitl the fifth grade." But we did buy two bras. And she thought it was nice for about three days... Now, I can't get her to wear it. I try to tell her that school is going to start soon and she should get use to it now. Any other idea?

Also, I personaly feel, she is imature for her age. And discussing the next step ??? Her period. OH.... I have bought a book - I asked her if she'd like me to read it with her - No! So, I asked her if she'd like to look at that book, I'd answer her questions and then we'd read the book togher - No! Any idea about how much time I have between needing a training bra and her period starting? I know, we need to sit down and talk - I thought, the book would be a good guide and reference. But... I don't want to force her to sit down with me, like a punishment, reading this book. Help...


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 10:57am
Oh my goodness I am just dreading this stage. My daughter will be 10 in a few weeks and shows no signs whatsoever of development. Thankfully I have two sisters with Daughters and they have gone through this or are going through it now. My sister's dr. told her that you have around 2 years from the time the breasts first start "budding" till they start their periods. She suggested that by 9 or 10 a girl should know about what changes her body will go through and her period. I have only discussed some body changes with my dd and have yet to tell her about her period. I also feel my dd is too young to discuss anything else but everyone keeps telling me I must talk with her and tell her things.One of my sister's dd started her period right before her 11th b-day. She had been wearing a bra by 9 years old.

I went to the library and got some suggestions from the children's librarian on different books when my oldest son was 10. He also did not want to discuss anything with me so I gave him the books and told him to read them and then we would talk if he had any questions. It took a while but he did approach me on the subject. I have always tried to remain very calm and answer his questions as well as I could without showing any signs of embarrassment because I wanted him to know he could come to me anytime he needed. It has worked because he is now 16 and we can openly talk about many things. Just don't push your dd to talk about something she isn't ready to talk about. Give her some time and let her explore the book(s) on her own.

Have you tried one of those teen sporty type bras? They make them in all different materials and my dd has several (even though she does in no way need one). Most of her friends wear them so I bought her a couple so she could try to get used to them.

I definitely want to know how you handle this. I can use all the advice anyone has to offer as well!


Avatar for cl_taylor_maid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 11:55am
Sounds like your DD is embarassed about the changes her body is going through. Just sit down and talk to her. Be as open and honest as you can. Tell her that you understand that all of this stuff can be embarassing...but it happens to EVERY woman!

Good luck,

I'm SO glad this is a few years off for me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 10:32pm
Hi! I'm a lurker and just wanted to stop in. I have 3 daughter, my oldest being 10yrs. She started developing around 7 but just started wearing a bra last year. She has not started a period yet but knows all about it and has for a long time. My 3yr old knows what it is, they have seen sanitary napkins in the bathroom and have occasionally walked in on me in the bathroom and had questions. If she has started developing already then it won't be long before the period is the next thing and its always better to be prepared.

Even though she may be imature, and saying she doesn't want to talk about it or read about it still has to happen and chances are she really does want to but maybe is too embarassed to discuss it with mom. My daughter was a bit embarassed and I was a little when she asked certain questions. Try talking to her about it when you are doing something with her, just casually bring it up, that way it doesn't seem like a lecture or a punishment. Alot of times kids will start openning up when they don't feel put on the spot, and you can do all the talking. Sometimes kids seem like they aren't listening but they really are. Leave the books in her room, I guarentee she will look at them and maybe then she'll have ques. Also remind once and awhile that you are there if she has questions. Good Luck..its hard but you will make it through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 1:33am
Hi Sally!

My daughter is 4 years old, but I've already started talking about the changes that will happen to her in the upcoming years. I was talking to her about how one day she will grow breasts and her reply? "BIG ONES??" LMAO.

~Anyways~ that doesn't help you now. Your daughter is no doubt going through puberty and you both can run, but you can't hide.. ;-) I haven't dealt with the adolescent attitude yet, so my advice might be completely useless, but why not try taking your daughter out for some one-on-one time? Something really special like a nice dinner, going somewhere she might enjoy..that sort of thing. And just talk with her. Ask her how she feels about the changes to her body, ask her about other kids and if they are going through the same changes. Ask her if any other girls are wearing bras.

From my own experience when I was a child, if your daughter's friends aren't wearing bras yet, chances are unlikely your daughter will want to. I developed breasts relatively early and was one of the first to wear a bra - it was ~~embarassing~~. I wore loose sweatshirts and such to hide my developedness, but one girl was teased by the other kids (the boys, actually) about her bra. It's a hard thing for a girl to deal with - as well as adjusting to a new body.

YOu said how your daughter is still relatively immature - that's probably working against her right now. She's probably not ready to be a woman, and certainly not emotionally ready to raise her head high when she walks past her peers with her new body.

Anyways, give your daughter a shoulder and a listening ear. She's probably going to need it... and good luck to you! You're probably going to need some hugs and open ears too! And don't worry - that's what we're here for!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 8:32am
Hey Sally,

I had my annual appointment yesterday with my OB/GYN and I asked her about this topic. She said typical development would be once they start with breast development,about a year later pubic hair will start to grow then about a year later they will get the first period. A girl will need to have at least 15% body fat in order to start her period. She said the average age is still around 13 years old.

I hope this has helped some.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 2:11am
Well, school is going to start on the 18th. She is so ready to start school. I have bought her a book about all the changes to come. I told her we'd read it together a little every evening. She didn't like that idea. So, I have given her the book - she says she is looking at it. I ask her if she has any question, ect... She always says no. So, once school starts - I think, I'll make that book part of her homework time, so we can read a few pages every evening and have question and answer time afterwards.

She's getting a little better about wearing the bra but only when we go into town. As soon as we get home - I'm not sure what comes off faster the bra or the shoes. But Grandma has also talked to her about wearing her bra. So,it's not just mom nagging at her now.

Her attitude is still there but seems to be getting a bit better - but I know, this is just calm before the storm... Those real teenage emotions will be here soon enough...

Thanks for all the info...

Sally Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 7:54am
is it a 'real' bra? or the sports bra type? if it's a real bra, I can remember those being itchy and very uncomfortable (still are most days)...try the sports bra type one and see if she likes that any better.

When my girls are ready, those are the ones I plan on starting with!