Dealing with drama

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2002
Dealing with drama
7
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 12:06pm

Sometimes it seems my 7 1/2 yo dd does drama, just to do drama. Even if she is going to lose out on something she really wants.

Example:We have gotten her a loft bed that she wants set up in her bedroom. Over the weekend, her job was to help Dad sweep his shop and then he would set up her bed. I went to the store to get something. She didn't want to go with me. I come home and she's weeping "Dad is punishing meeeeeeee.............. He's making me sweep the whole shop (it's not that big.) He was making me wear the respirator and it was choking me so I threw it down and broke it. Now he's punishing me and won't set up my bed.....eeeeeeever!!!!!!"

So I get husbands side. This is the respirator she has worn in the past with no problem. He thought he was being nice not having her breathe the dust.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2012
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 3:28pm
7 is a tough age. Kids are really black and white at this age. They love you or hate you. They think everyone is picking on them. Nothing is fair. And they will mumble under their breath while they walk away complaining about how unfairly you are treating them. When my first kid turned 7 I seriously considered bringing him to a counselor. Instead I got a book called "Your 7 year old" that showed me he wasn't abnormal- he was just being 7. We have 4 kids 5-16 and I would argue 7 is the toughest age so far. But the good news- they do grow out of it.

Now for my youngest daughter, another book "Talking with tweens" helped us big time to understand her drama and the new way kids are seeing life in this age where they grow up sooner than in the past. At 71/2 your daughter may be well in to the behaviors that we didn't used to see in kids until they were teens. Now they are starting by about your daughter's age. Talking with tweens (about 8-12 year olds) changed my daughter's and my relationship for the better- less drama, more personal responsibility, less frustruation.

One last thought- if she is doing the drama thing with her dad and not you, presumably it's because it's working with him and not you. My husband let's his daughters manipulate him far more than he allows his sons to do the same. I frequently have to remind him that tears are not a sign of imminent death. She'll live- don't let her play you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 5:02pm
I am now the proud step mom of two girls. they are 19 and 11, but were 15 and 6 when I met them. The teenager wasn't going to let her Dad marry me because he didn't like her BF and the little one wanted to call me Mom after only a couple of months of knowing them. Now the oldest one refers to me as Mom (but doesn't call me that to my face) and the little one argues with me. At least they take turns. In my case, the girls' lives have been full of drama thanks to their bio mom and bio mom perpetucates drama like no tomorrow. I take it one day at a time and just let the girls know that we don't have to live in drama. It's a choice we make. Sometimes I come right out and tell them that this is not a good way or okay way to act. Maybe since this trouble comes between DH and you DD, DH should be telling her to ditch the drama. We call it drama lama at come and tell it to talk to the hand. example: when we see people on tv being all drama, we laugh and call out "drama lama". To me this is pointing out bad behavior so YSD has a reference of what is okay and what is not. We even do t his with YSD's favorite kid shows. Now she is doing it on her own. Hang in there. They do grow out of it or at least give us a break before the teenager stuff starts!! :0)
KRISTIE
Avatar for weberdns0
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2000
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 10:39am

You have your hands full but with some consistant treatment and consequences for her actions you will have less drama in you house. Here are some things that you need to set up with your daughter and husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2002
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 3:53pm

I'll talk to Dad about the shop thing. It's a little of both. He makes a little side money and he does hobby things there. I know that he wants to involve her to some degree. She has a mini bike and he has a motorcycle and they work on them together. He wants to include her on other projects. I know he goes a bit over the top because he was the younger of two brothers and felt like his dad showed his brother how to do more things than he showed him. (But I also know my husband was a little ADHD as a kid and he probably didn't stay as focused as his brother and his dad may have tried to show him things and he wandered off, so his dad quit trying.) But I think sometimes his expectations of what she is capable of are too high. I know we had a conversation about something he thought she should be able to do at her age because "he could." Then I made him remember an incident he had shared with me, about him hurting himself ,by



Avatar for weberdns0
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2000
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 3:57pm

That happens when you have a mature, articulate child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2002
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 4:38pm

My husband was saying to me "I always



Avatar for weberdns0
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 5:35pm

Glad to be of help!