At end of my rope with 12 yr old DD
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At end of my rope with 12 yr old DD
|Tue, 09-16-2003 - 5:35pm|
I don't know if this is the place to post this or not, but I need someone to talk to about this. No one has any answers for me or even ideas on what to do. I will try to make this short. I have a 12 year old DD and a DS who is 2 months. I am divorced and remarried. My DD is from my first marriage. She spends one week here and then one week at dads house, and so on. We have joint custody of her. I remarried about 2 years ago. We had a baby about 2 months ago now. My DD loves little kids and babies. We thought she would be so excited about having a baby sibling. She thought she would be too. But that is not the case. Since he was born she has completely ignored him. She won't talk to him or even hardly look at him. We try to still spend time with her. She has not had to give up any of her activities or friends etc. She takes cheerleading and play soccer. She still has friends over and goes to their house. We go to see her cheer at her football games every weekend. My husband, her stepfather, even coached her soccer team last spring. So as you can see, we try to encourage her in what she wants to do. I do try to spend time with her as much as I can. Often the baby has to be with us because of my DH work schedule. This can not be helped. I try to play games with her, talk to her, always help her with her home work etc. She recently started her period and I helped her as I thought I should. I helped her get started shaving her legs recently also. What I am trying to say is I believe I am very involved in her life and she is not ignored in the least, especially since the baby came. Recently she has started to be very fresh as well. She came home today and I asker what she did in school. She said "stuff." I said what kind of stuff. She said "just stuff." I said what she did in certain classes etc. She got very fresh and rattled off a few things and asked if I was now happy. I blew up and told her she was not to old for a spanking. She said she would call the cops. I said, fine, call them. They will take you to dads house and you won't live here anymore. Please understand I was very angry. I have never spanked or hit my daughter. Not even once. I am not a "yeller" by nature. I raised her to be a kind, unselfish person. And lately she has been acting very selfish and mean. She is fresh all the time. I understand she has some feeling about having a brother. But this is not acceptable in our house. I have tried to talk to her about her feelings etc, she gets all clammed up. I don't yell when talking to her. But today was the last straw. I told her if she wants to be a part of this family she has to show respect to the other members of it as well. Including her baby brother. I do not expect her to change diapers etc, but I do expect her to go to him and say hello. Perhaps hold up a toy for him once in a while, ask questions about him etc. Whenever I hold him or feed him around her she has this look on her face like she wants him to dissapear. I do not know what to do anymore. I even asked her if she wanted to live at dads house. I know I should not have done that, but I was very angry. And it takes alot to get me angry. I just feel it is time for some sort of "tough love" around here and don't know what to do. She is not spoiled. She has chores. She has to do her own laundry, clean and vacumm her own room etc. She doesn't do alot of other chores around the house. But what we do is if she wants to buy something, she can I do chores to earn money for it. Don't get me wrong, I mean CD's or lip gloss etc. We buy her plenty of stuff. She is just acting like a 2year old brat and I do not know what to do about it. I feel like I have tried everything. I have thought of taking her to a counselor and most likely will. But she will feel it is a punishment. She felt that way through the divorce when I had her join a group for kids of divorce. I want to help her to be happy. I love her, but right now I can not stand her. I feel badly because I start to resent her and I don't like feeling that way about my own kid. I am sorry this is so long, but I really need some advice.