Help I have an emotional Pre-Teen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Help I have an emotional Pre-Teen
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 6:18pm
HI I am new to this board Thanks for the welcome Karla. My 10 year old daughter is driving me crazy. I can't say anything to her without her thinking I am criticizing her, she twists what I say around and then gets upset because she thinks I am mad at her. I am also worried about her weight. She is not a good eater - well she eats but is only eating carbs, I have fresh fruit in the house all the time and serve veggies for dinner along with some meat or other protine. I have her shop with me and have her pick out new things to try. She is actually quite good at that but is very picky. She likes very few veggies and almost no fruit, she is not good at eating grains either. I have talked to her about eating a balanced diet and getting exercise which she doesn't like to do either. My problem is that lately she has been complaining about headaches and other aches and pains that are hard for me to treat and/or heal. She has also had these pains conviently when she is suposed to go to Karate or even school when there is something going on that she is not comfortable doing. I question her and she tells me that she is happy with school and likes karate, but I get the feeling that it is other wize. This morning she was making her lunch to bring to school and she walked by me with he hand down by her side and turned as if to hide what she had in her hand. When I called her on it she said she was not trying to hide it from me(a couple of pieces of candy to take and share with friends) I have always been fairly strict on sugar - it is a treat not an every day occurance. I fear she will try and hide this and more from me. The funny thing is she was so slender untill about 2nd grade and always knew that she could not have a treat without asking me first and would save any treats she got at school until she came home and checked to see if it ws okay. I have an older son and he was a breese through out his teen years, Sorry this is so long. Help what do I do to help my daughter be healthy and to stop her from hiding things from me?

THX Trav.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 8:56pm
Oh wow. I am there. I have an emotional 11 year old. It started last year right on her 10th birthday. Crying over everything. If she wasn't crying she was throwing fits. Screaming at everyone. Then she started having migraines. We took her to a neurologist. He told me it was perfectly normal for girls her age to have them occasionally as they started into puberty. I laughed my head off and thought he was a nut because she is a tiny girl. At the time she weighed 65 pounds or so (and most of that is solid muscle because she is a gymnast). Symptoms began occuring (not the big one yet-whew!). Things smoothed out for awhile and at 11 years old the symptoms are worse!

She has always been really a model child until now. She now ARGUES with me, she has screamed at ME, sassed and is so moody it is driving me crazy. She thinks she is ugly (which is crazy if you could see her). She has decided she is fat (she is 75 pounds and slim as a rail) and she is no longer pleasant to be around at times. She whines over everything and complains. She rolls her eyes, stomps around, and she complains if she has to take a bath. Now mind you it isn't every day that we go through this kind of thing, but I hate that we are even going through it at all.

So, this is how I am dealing with, I am gritting my teeth and trying to be understanding. I discuss health and hygiene with her all the time. She KNOWS how important it is to eat right because she is an extreme athlete but it doesn't always help. She too sneaks sweets at times. I think maybe she is craving sweets at certain times. She still has not started her period or anything, but she has mood swings and all the other symptoms one gets with that. I send her to her room when she is nasty to her siblings. I let her be alone when she absolutely needs to be. I refuse to argue with her. I stand firm on that. I hug her alot and tell her how beautiful she is. I try to be positive. Sometimes though I blow my stack I must admit and tell her that I don't like how she is acting. (I can be extremely moody at times myself). I am thankful for the days that she is her "normal" self and try to deal with the "other" person as best as I can. I realize she is just growing up and it makes me sad on the one hand but happy that she is becoming independent.

Sorry this has gotten so long, but I just meant to say that I totally understand what you are going through and I don't think we are alone in this. I don't think anyone really knows totally how to deal with it either, but I am up for advice myself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 11:04am
My DD is 12 and has been having "PMS" since she was 6!!! ;-) I try to remember how emotional I was at that age(heck still was up until I had a hysterectomy). The big difference is I couldn't really express it to my mom the way kids do now(which is good and bad)There is no way I would have yelled at my mom the way DD yells at me, but she always appologizes after she has calmed down. She hasn't started her period yet but has all the other signs. They say anymore that the size of the girl doesn't matter so much in puberty issues like it use to.

I'm trying to relax about some things. My DD has always been a horrible eater, so when she complains about headaches etc; I give her the same speech about eating healthy. The Dr. even gave her the same speech. Didn't phase her a bit. I make sure there are always healthy choices and I've made candy a non-issue, I don't have it in the house that often. I have found the more you say they can't have something the more they want it.

My daughter does get cravings for chocolate; the doctor told me if you find its a true craving, there maybe something that they are missing in their diet. Also chocolate and carbs do have a calming effect. I make sure she takes a multivitamin and calcium every day.

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I'm finding that the bigger deal I make about something the more she fights me on it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 1:42pm
Thanx everyone,

I guess it is something that we all have to learn to live with.I do the same things all of you do and a few others, I always try and talk to her in a calm undertsanding voice but when I slip I appologies (SP?) and talk to her more. SHe is so stubborn and comes by it honestly both her father and I can be mules in our own right. Last night, I finally got her Dad to let her stop taking Karate(which I knew she didn't like) and just play Bassketball (which I knew she loved) She is much happier today - at least she was this morning who know what the rest of the day will bring. Thanks All

HUGS - Trav