Its ok for Girls to Hit Boys!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Its ok for Girls to Hit Boys!!
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 7:51am
Have we been teaching our girls it is ok to hit boys with out realizing it

My daughter is 5 years old and her brother is 7 and they were really

fighting away at each other over a toy . I got them to stop and proceeded to

deliver what I thought was a timely lecture to my son. I said, "You need to

get over the idea of hitting girls. Your sister is smaller than you, but

even if she was not, just don't do it. It is fundamentally wrong. You have

to learn other ways of negotiating your relationship with girls/women when

you are angry."

I thought that was just the right thing to do. My little girl's immediate

response was to kick my son hard right in the balls and laugh because she

expected to be immune from retaliation.

I was completely shocked by daughters actions and she was punished harshly

for it but I realise that I may have been installing the wrong messages in

my daughters mind. By telling her brother that it was not ok to hit girls

she believed it was ok for girls to hit boys. From now on in my house it is

"its' not ok to hit anyone."


Avatar for cl_taylor_maid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 12:22pm
You know, I've tried to get my son to understand that hitting someone smaller than he is (be it male or female) is wrong.

Maybe what we should be teaching is that it's wrong for them to hit (period).

I know what I try to say now is "We don't Hit!".

I'm hoping my girls don't see it as their 'right' to manhandle the boys in their life.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 1:40pm
As the mother of two boys and two girls I know exactly what you mean. My boys are older so we always taught them not to hit girls. When the girls came along I realized that I was sort of giving them "permission" to hit the boys and the boys wouldn't hit back. Now we have the "no hitting -period" rule in our house.

Let me share a good example of this: My boys are in Karate and they are getting pretty high up in the belts. They are in classes with older kids and adults. There is one girl in there whose mother screams at the boys if they hit her daughter too hard or throw her down but if she hits one of the boys hard or knocks them off their feet, she stands up and cheers. Being that her daughter is much bigger than my son it makes me mad when she screams at my boy to take it easy on her daughter but you let her dd knock my son down and she is up waving and cheering. The whole class is not geared toward any specific sex but towards self defense. I think if the mother can't handle seeing the girl get knocked down she shouldn't be in there but all she keeps insisting to the other parents is that boys should not be hitting girls.

I think that girls(and boys) should be taught that if they hit then they are probably going to get hit back!


Community Leader
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 2:38pm
I punish all of my kids the same for hitting each other. My oldest is a girl so I never really got started with the "no hitting girls" thing. We have a policy that whoever fights, no matter who started it, gets in trouble. That really helps with the hitting part but not with the mouthiness.

I have told all of my children that if they hit someone that person is going to hit back and probably harder. I have also told all of my children that adults that fist fight end up in jail or prison.

My son also takes Karate. We have the same situation as tallthinmom where the mother of one girl in the class is ridiculous about the boys hitting her. Last night she was sparing with another girl and the mom had to bite her tongue. When the daughter was again sparring a boy the mom was hollering again. Finally, another mother told her to "pipe down" they are all trying to learn self defense. The boys pay no attention to the fact that she is a girl and in this situation I can't blame them. They treat her just like everybody else. Believe me, the girl is big and can pack a wallop so her mother should tell her to stop hitting the boys so hard if she doesn't want retaliation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 1:39am
My oldest is my daughter (4 years old). She's starting to smack around her brother (1 year) and what we're trying to teach is "no hitting". However, my dh is also adding the stipulation that in self-defense it's OK. I think that is important for kids to know that it's OK to defend themselves, but sometimes I wonder if 4 years old is too young to be able to understand the concept of self-defense.