new neighborhood girls bullying daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
new neighborhood girls bullying daughter
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 10:04am
Hi everyone! Our family is relatively (less than 1 yr.) new in the neighborhood, and we've had a recurring problem with the girls on our street. When we moved in, there were four girls (2-2 yrs older, 1-1 yr older, and 1-1 yr younger) who wanted to play with my girl. Quickly I noticed the way that they were playing was not positive. They would point out things that she did differently, things she didn't know, and why that was "wierd". We talked about it many times, and tried to chalk it up to being new, and decided to give it time. Well, things went along, and got worse fast. They would ask her to play, decide to form a club, and if she didn't know the answer to their question, she was excluded from the club. They would tell her that the only reason they were playing with her was that their mothers told them to be nice, and they didn't really like her. You may wonder how I know this, it's because I heard it all! My daughter wouldn't even talk about the stuff I wasn't around for. After a discussion with the girls and their parents, we took a long break. One or two would come over if the other girls weren't around to play with, but if the other girls were home they would play outside, and not include her or acknowledge her at all (if she was out with her brothers). One time she asked them to play, and they said "We already are...but you're not!" Now summers here and she's being shunned. She doesn't even ride her bike, or want to go out. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 10:31pm
Oh YIKES, how terrible for your daughter. I feel so bad for her. We had a similar situation with a girl and a boy in our neighborhood being horribly mean and ignoring my younger son. They were 2 years older and at first they would play with him and include him in things but they were soon making fun of him and excluding him. It was hard on him but I made him stop playing with them. The worst part was that the one child lived right next door to us and the other right next door to her. The would deliberately taunt my son and have big groups of kids come over to play basketball and he would sit on our porch and just watch them feeling totally left out. I was always afraid that they may in some way hurt my son so I finally just put a stop to them. My son didn't want to go ride his bike or anything either (he literally has no friends) so I would go out and ride with him and his brother and sister would go out with him as much as they could. Thankfully his cousins moved closer and he now has other playmates.

The only thing I can think of for your daughter is to either just say no more playing with these girls at all or to only have one of them over at a time for totally supervised play. Maybe after they are completely supervised for a while the other girls will start to get to know your daughter better and they will stop being so mean to her when they are all together. I hope some other girls your dd's age move into the neighborhood and she can make new freinds.

I sure hope things get worked out for your daughter's sake. I hate to hear about people being treated like this especially when it is an innocent child being treated like this by other children.