Newbie Here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Newbie Here!
6
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 8:44pm
Hi Everyone,

I'm fairly new to these boards and am having a blast. I have a three year old girl and tons of questions. For example: is it normal for her to go through a complete aggressive stage where she will fly off the deep end because she doesn't get her way?

Any advice would be great. I look forward to meeting you all.

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 9:08am
Hi Pam and welcome to the board. I just love these boards too!I am Karla,mother of 4 kids-two boys(16 and 11)and two girls (9 and 4). It is totally normal for 3 year olds to fly off the handle and have terrible fits over not getting their way. Kids of all ages will try it!

We are glad you joined us and we look forward to getting to know you better.


Karla,Sarah,Abby

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 7:25pm
Hi There,


Thanks for the welcome. Well you definately sound like an experienced mom! The problem with her flying of the handle is that she is becoming aggressive about it. She tends to hit, throw, and slam doors. I have tried everything. I even have walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. She just follows me in and makes sure that I see her. I know that this part of it is for attention but I don't know how to go about dealing with the length of time (45mins-one hour) of screaming etc. Any tips?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 9:16pm
I had one that did this and what I did was when it first started I would stop and stare at him without saying a single word until he was certain that he had my attention. Once he realized he had my total attention he usually would stop screaming, throwing himself into things, etc. I would then very calmly tell him that he was going to sit on his bed,chair,or whatever 1 minute for every single minute that he pitched a fit. I would then again tell him no he wasn't getting whatever it was that caused the fit in the first place. When the screaming would start again, I would pick up a clock and start counting very loudly all the while looking at the clock not him. I would then make him sit for as long as his fit lasted. It was a very hard thing to do but it eventually worked. His fits got shorter and shorter because he knew I meant business. My son was a very rambunctious biter, hair puller, kicker and he was constantly attacking other children for just about anything. After every fit we would talk about other ways he could show his disapproval or unhappiness rather than screaming, throwing things or slamming doors. Now at almost 12 he still is very short tempered but he does show some self control and he is not destructive nor disrespectful to us nor does he attack other kids anymore. I think the temper is a very hard thing to tackle. I hope I've helped some.


Karla

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 9:24pm
Karla,

Thanks for the advice I will definatly give it a try.

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 1:11pm
Hi Pam!! WELCOME TO MY WORLD! LOL - my daughter is 4 years old.. and while the tantrums are not ~nearly~ as frequent or as loud, she still has her share. I found the age of three to be more challenging than the supposed "terrible twos". Catherine was learning about her emotions, and she was feeling anger and rage that she just didn't know how to deal with. For example, she realizes that the sun is going down. She felt sadness that the fun day was coming to an end, and a little bit of anger and rage that she can't control it. So what to do? HAVE A GIANT FIT! Woooweeee!!

I don't have a magic sollution, but one thing that dh and I have done that has helped "some" is to reason with her (when she's calm) and explain the RIGHT way to handle her emotions. She didn't get it at first, but slowly she began to use some of the ideas we gave her. DH read somewhere that the tots are always told what not to do, and never really what they should do with their emotions.. so we tried it..and it helped. It's not a magic sollution, and it's not an overnight thing, but it helped.

Good luck!! and WELCOME!!!

Corinna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 9:49pm
Corrina,



Thankyou for your suggestion. We are trying it. And let me tell you that it is no cup of tea. She just looks at us as if we are the ones causing the problem. I guess patience is a virtue!

Pam