Traditional or nonTraditional

Community Leader
Registered: 05-26-2004
Traditional or nonTraditional
6
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 7:57pm
Do you see your girls as turning out to be the more traditional type of women or are you gearing them to be the leaders, heads of families, corporate executives, etc..?

What type of careers have you discussed with them--nursing, teaching or engineering, construction or politics?

What about values?--Is it okay to live with a boyfriend before marriage, have children outside of the traditional family types?

We have never discussed how we are raising our girls, or what we are teaching them.

While I am currently in the traditional role of SAHM and wife, I enjoyed a career for years. I want my girls to be well-prepared to support their families, have careers that are family friendly, and I want them to feel confident, self assured and be happy.

If they choose to be SAHM (which I realize is not a choice many women will have in the future), I want them to be happy.

If they decide to be career women and working mothers, I want them to be happy.

We discuss many jobs and careers, including nontraditional ones for women.

I insist however, they need to get married before having children. I think children need fathers as much as mothers. That is just my opinion, though.

Konnie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 9:03am

I am also more of the "traditional" type mother and wife. I'm a SAHM and I've never had a career though I did work for a few years when my oldest was young. I've thought about this subject many times and I hope that I am preparing my dds for the future. I would love for them to maintain traditional values and morals though society seems to be moving in another direction. While I would like for them to get married and raise children much like I and my mother have, I realize the chances are slim for them to live like that. I am trying to make sure they are capable of establishing careers and making decisions as heads of families with the knowledge that they may someday be raising and supporting their children by themselves. I am an adamant believer in marriage though I realize todays young people are not so "sold" on it. I have many many friends who have found themselves in situations they never dreamed they'd be in as far as relationships.jobs, and families and I hope that I am preparing my girls (and boys) adequately.


Just my thoughts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 2:46pm
Tough question. I guess I am somewhere in the middle. I have always had a career and was the breadwinner in our family when DD was born. Her Dad stayed home with her and worked at creating his own business and is an artist. I had never thought I wanted to be a SAHM until I had DD, then I wished I could have. However, after her Dad and I split up, I was so glad that I had a good career. Her life changed very little when he left. There was none of that traditional decline in standard of living for us. So I am glad I had that to fall back on.

For my DD we talk about what she'll do when she grows up quite often. She loves animals and wants to study animal sciences and work in a zoo in Toronto or Australia. I encourage that 100%. I guess that's not really a traditional woman's job. But we don't really think about things like that. I talk about doing what you want. She sees that I am in a job with equal men and women (although right now my Dept. is about 75% men). I would hope that she can create a career for herself that she loves and that she can fall back on if she needs it some day. Of course I hope she never does, but I'm not naive. Her Dad and I both encourage her in science and in the arts as well, but science is her love.

I hope that someday if she wants to be a SAHM she has that option. She is not big on kids and thinks that babies are stupid. LOL But then I never wanted any children until I turned 28, so I'm not predicting what she'll do when she's older.

Basically I think we are a nice meld. I am a carreer woman, but I also make the heart-shaped cake for the class for Valentine's, do the cleaning and cooking and help with homework. So I assume based on what she's seen, she'll probably end up something like me. But as long as she's happy, it will work for me.

Tam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 2:47pm
I am hoping to teach my child to be able to take care of herself, so she will not have to rely on anyone. I hope to teach confidence, self reliance, and fearlessness. I already tell DD that she can be whatever she wants to be.

I am now a SAHM, but I did have a very successful career, where I was respected and sought after for my abilities. I attended college and will encourage higher education for my children.

I come from a family of strong women, who are very resourceful and independent. To be honest, I can't say I was raised in a traditional family, as my biological father left my mother prior to my birth. My mom was amazing in that she raised me to be self reliant, street smart and confident as she knew there were times when she wasn't going to be able to be there for me. BUT, having this experience, I would not have a child alone, and would not even hesitate to share my own experience with a single mom.

I will try to be supportive and encouraging for whatever path they choose, but I will also engage them in conversation about the choices they will make to ensure that they are going in prepared, as my parents have always done. My mom remarried when I was seven, to a wonderful man I call Dad. He is very thoughtful and logical and was always the one who wanted to engage in rational conversation about all sorts of issues, so he knew I was thinking and not just doing. I hope to be able to do that too. He even encouraged me to work in his contracting company (very male) to see if that's what I liked (i didn't).

Overall, I just hope I can prepare my children to question our changing world and make informed decisions that are right for them. I will try to teach faith, hope and love are always "in style" and it really is important to treat others as you want to be treated, from the school yard to the board room to the United Nations.

~Michelle, Katie's Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 5:27pm
This is what we have told my son and daughter(12) but especially my daughter.

You graduate from highschool, you go to college/secondary education of some sort, you work and live on your own for 3-5 years, you get married and THEN have kids. In that order. ;-) My nieces have not been very good role models at all.

She wants to be a radiology technician; she had wanted to be a preschool teacher but changed her mind after spending the summer with a friend who's mom has a preschool.

I'm up in the air about living with the boyfriend before marriage(me and DH did)but absolutely no to kids before marriage. Of course things don't always turn out the way parents want them or expect them to( my nieces are proof of that)

If she wants to be a stay at home mom I think that is great, but I'm afraid in the future that isn't going to be to much of an option.

I want her to be strong, outspoken(in a nice way)confident, have a career and family that makes her happy.

Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 8:54pm
I want Haylei to be a mix of both Traditional and nonTraditional. You know strong,independent, but also a good mother and wife.

No it is NOT ok to live with a boyfriend outside of marriage. Nor is to ok to have pre-martial sex.

I too am I SAHM but thats my choice. My DH has afforded me the luxery of not having to work or worry about money. Haylei may decide to be a WOHM and that wil be fine with me all I want is for her to be happy

JMO,

Shelby

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 1:37am
My daughter isn't even a year yet, so it's a bit early...

When she gets a litle older, I plan on teaching her that her education is extremely important. Even if she decides to be a SAHM (which I won't encourage), she needs something she call fall back on. After all, marriages break up, husbands die, bad things happen. I want her to never *have* to depend on anyone. Essentially, I don't want her to make my past mistakes.

I am a little iffy on the living in subject... even though I did it before she was born. I'd never do that now that I had children. I guess I want my daughter to feel that she's worth a commitment. I definitely would not want her to have children outside of marriage, if for no other reason than the fact that it's a very very hard life.