what do i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2003
what do i do?
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:33pm
hello, heres the thing. i have a 10 yr old girl and a 11 month old girl. i really want to work part time. i have been a stay at home mom for 10 years. yes 10 years. i feel like im missing out on life not being in the work force. anyways my older daughter of coarse will be in school. BUT my 11 month old is a very clingy child. she will not go to any one, not even my mother for very long. she starts to scream and pull a fit. she is very high maintanence.i want to put her in daycare but im afraid no one will take her because she will scream and cry for mama. what do i do? everyone says to just drop her off and let her deal with the fact that i have to work. is that right, should i wait until she is a little older?

please help.


Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
In reply to: marnie19755
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:42am
Hi Marnie and welcome to the board. I have been a stay at home for over 12 years now and I still love it. I sometimes feel like I am missing something but then I look at my kids and realize I am just not ready to go back. I figure I have plenty of time when they get older.

I think you should probably be very upfront with any prospective day care and let them know your daughter is whiney and that you are nervous about it. I'm sure any experienced daycare provider has dealt with this many times. They do have a way of getting even the whiniest of kids to feel comfortable with them. Maybe you should start leaving your daughter with someone else for a few hours here and there before you start back so she can get used to it. Also keep in mind that your daughter is at "that age" that she should be very whiney and clingy and not want anyone but Mama. It's a stage that all kids do get through eventually.

I hope you find someone really good to take care of your dd. Let us know what happens.


Community Leader

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
In reply to: marnie19755
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 12:27pm
I have been a SAHM and a working mother so I understand your dilemma.

Your dd will get used to you being away. Every time one of my kids did the tantrum thing when I tried to leave the daycare provider would just make me leave and then call me at work and tell me everything was fine. Of course the only one who wasn't fine was me, I would be horrified and worried anyway.

I know you want to go back to work, but your daughter is very young. What about working just one or two days a week. Can her father watch her while you are working? Your mother? or any other relative? What about an inhome small daycare? a good friend? Your dd is probably not as bad as you think.

If you do choose to go back to work, then do it and don't worry. Enjoy the time away! I personally think it is harder to stay at home than to go out to work.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
In reply to: marnie19755
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 9:37am
When you choose a daycare, you will probably have a meeting with them first. As them how they deal with that. It's not at all unusual--in fact, I bet its the norm! It was for us. When we used daycare outside the home, ours was very clingy and put up a major fuss.

But the daycare we chose had a good system for this. The first day we spent there with her. That helped get her used to the surroundings.

Then when we had to leave, they had a "goodbye window." You could stand and wave for as long as you wanted/needed. Eventually our daughter got bored of waving at us and calmed down. It wasn't perfect. Sometimes she put up a fuss longer, but it sure helped. And before we knew it, she didn't need the goodbye window anymore since she'd made friends and was more engaged with the play things.

For us, our daughter's clinginess was one of the reasons we appreciated daycare. It seemed to help make her much more outgoing.

Good luck!