Caught Son Wearing Daughters Clothes

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Caught Son Wearing Daughters Clothes
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 10:33pm
I have a 15 year old daughter, and a 12 year old son. Last Friday, my son was home alone after school. My daughter went to a friends right after school to stay the night, and I worked late. When I got home, I heard the radio playing. I said hi to my son to let him know I was home, but no answer. I walked upstairs, and found that the music was coming from my daughters room. I opened the door and found my son laying on my daughters bed, wearing her skirt and nylons. After he changed, and I calmed down, we talked and he said he was curious about wearing them. He admitted to wearing her clothes once before, and liked how they felt. He swore he wouldn't do it again. I wanna chalk it up to curiosity, and believe he won't do it again, but he is home alone alot. I am trying not to blow it out of proportion, but not really sure how to react. I think I am still in shock... Also, do I let my daughter know? oe just assume what she doesn't know won't hurt her?

Sorry this was so long, but I seriously need opinions/advice on how to handle this. Thanks for your time,


Avatar for psmanda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 11:09pm

I think it was just what he said it was...curiosity!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 2:10pm
i think if I had the chance to clear my head before resonding to this w/ my kids here's is what I would do...

I would first concentrate on respecting other peoples privacy for their space (her room in general) and her belongings (in general). I would explain that under no circumstances is he to enter her room w/ out her specific invitation and she is not to go into his room.

I would not tell my daughter unless she asked. What would be the point? she might be understanding about it but she is a teen and more than likely she would make fun, feel violated, or at some time in the near or distant future mention it w/ the intent to embarass him. I might mention to her though that she needs to keep her room picked up and personal items kept put away. (that will help you find out if he does it again b/c if the room is a mess she won't even notice!)

I would explain to him that unless he works very hard to regain your trust in regards to respecting others property and privacy that locks will be placed on the doors and/or he will begin to loose some of his privilages.

Whether or not you feel that what he did was normal or okay I think is beside the point. It was great that he communicated the truth of what he was doing to you. i think if he respects his sister and your space that should take care of things for now. Just handle one thing at a time. goo dluck and hope this helped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 10:25pm
There are many men who wear panty hose, under their clothing.....more because they have found the added warmth under their slacks and in cold climates, an extra layer never hurts.

Maybe buy him his own, and give them to him privately......let him have his own skirt and panty hose to "play" around in and experiment. I also suggest trying to get an open dialogue. He is probably trying to discover his own identy, figure out if he is homosexual or heteralsexual. There are a lot of pressures on teen boys especially to have feelings, without regard to everyone develops these at different stages.

He may have realized his buddies are seeing girls in different ways than he does, and feels maybe he is homosexual, and is just trying to figure things out.....getting him to open up what is going on, may not only help you understand better how to help him, but maybe give him the reassurance he is needing to relax and realize he will have feelings about someone some day.

My brother is now 38, and has never been married.....he had a serious relationship with one girl, but she was not as faithful and was constantly cheating on him.....he finally dumped her and has not gotten with any one else. He just keeps himself busy and hasn't found that right someone yet......

It may be even his friends dont really have these feelings yet, but are faking it to be sure people dont start thinking things about them.....

It sounds like he is just trying to find himself, in a confusing world with worldly pressures and he needs someone he can feel safe with in being honest about things and get good advice.

If he cannot open up with you, or dad, maybe he can open up with a counselor.....someone he doesn't feel the pressures of being loved or hated from that he feels from you......all kids fear that mom wont love them if they found out the truth.....if you can reassure him that no matter what, you will always love him, and there is nothing he can tell you about himself that will change that. Once he is ready to test the waters to see if it is true, be ready for any thing. Keep your cool and don't let him even almost see dissappointment in your face or your prepaired for the worst as you hope for the best type theory......and remember he is only testing the waters, there are deeper things he is hiding, but cannot expose them until he knows he is safe with you and you will never stop loving him.

That is the best I can offer for now, I hope you find the right answer for you and your son.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 1:38pm
First of all, I'm going to tell you that there are NO "normal" kids, they don't exisit. Every child on this planet is different than the next. While I would stress the privacy angle I don't think you should go into the "cross dressing" issue. He's a 12 year old boy and expierimenting with his feelings, or just simply playing "dress up". I know that my ex's nephew likes to dress up in my daughter's clothes, put on her makeup and prance around the house "singing" "How do you do my name is Sue". He is almost eight years old. Is there anything "wrong" with him? No, he just happens to like his almost 18 year old cousin (my daughter) and likes to "dress up" in her stuff when she is there visiting...however he DOES also ask permission.