What is the best way to confront this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
What is the best way to confront this?
Sun, 07-06-2014 - 8:09pm

My daughter is 5. Her cousins are both girls, 5 and 7. The 7 y.o cries until she gets what she wants, The 5 y.o screams until she gets what she wants. My daughter likes to play with the 7 y.o better because even though she cries, she doesn't make my DD feels bad. The 5 y.o is more manipulative. She would say things like "I have this and YOU DON'T", "I AM on the team and YOU ARE NOT" to my DD. She said things that make my DD feels excluded. So after hearing that over and over and after many times of reminding her to play nicely, I got enough so the next time my SIL asked me to have play date, I told her that it's hard for me to tell her this and I know it's hard for her to hear it but because we're family, I needed to let her know that her DD is mean and things she said hurt my DD and I am not letting my DD plays with her DD unless I'm there to "redirect" her if I hear one more mean thing from her. I tried to be gentle and unconfrontational but I needed to tell her.

My family in law agreed with me that my niece needs help. They even told me that I did the right thing. But as we stopped hanging out with my SIL family, they now say things like oh, we are family so we should work together. I told them that if my SIL and her husband do not see that their DD needs discipline, it's their problem. We do not want our DD to be around that mean, manipulative, rude and ungraceful child.

I don't know why my SIL and her DH don't discipline their children and leave them do whatever they want. When my DD tried to talk to his brother (my BIL) about his rude daughter, he said "oh, that's good. she can stand up for herself". My DD could not believe it. No wonder the children are this way.

Some people in the family suggest that even though I was right, I should "patch this up" before we take an all girls trip next month. Why do I have to patch it up? I don't think that I did anything wrong by voicing my concern. I'm a little upset about this "patch this up" thing. What do I do? call my SIL and say sorry that I had to protect my own daughter?


Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Mon, 07-07-2014 - 10:51am
That is a hard one. You are right whereas I don't see where you should have to apologize for wanting to make sure that your daughter isn't being bullied by the cousin when they are playing. I wish I had some advice for you. Hopefully someone will some better experience will have some for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 07-08-2014 - 11:22pm

Thanks Aaryl. I appreciate your comment.