What age for a concert with friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
What age for a concert with friends
9
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 6:44am

Hello everyone,

I am having trouble making a decision on this one.  My 16 year old daughter wants to go to an all age concert to see Paramore and Fall Out Boy this summer with 2 of her friends.  This is at a large outdoor arena with stadium and lawn seating.  They would sit in the lawn. If this was at a smaller, indoor concert, where things were more controlled, I wouldn't give it a second thought, but I've seen how nutty some people can get at this location!  I am not at all concerned about their behavior, but about the drunken adults instead.  At what age did you or will you let your teens go solo to a concert?  Thanks!

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 9:35am

I'd say go with your gut - you'll be most comfortable that way.  When ds was 15 we took him and his best friend (who turned 16 that day) to a John Mayer concert in our outdoor venue - we just didn't sit with them. If you can stomach going to the concert, you could consider that approach...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2008
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 11:05am

Like the other poster mentioned, trust your instinct and if you can't go with her then don't let her go. I personally think that kind of setting is for adults (those who are legally old enough to make the decision on their own whether or not to attend) and not for teenagers.

Brenda

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 11:52am
Unfortunately, I just started a new job 2 months ago, and I work every Monday. I am taking several days off for vacations during the summer and just can't add another one on for this. There's no way hubby will go on his own! I hate to be one of the "ultra strict" parents, and I really do trust my dd and her friends, but I really am not comfortable with this one.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 12:46pm

My kids started going WITH US to outdoor concerts at 11-13.  When they hit the 15-16 age, we still went with them, but sat a bit away.  We really did not let them go all alone untill they were 17-18, and even then, it was "conditional".  A lot depends on the type of band, and as you mentioned, the venue.  As a gift for my younger dd's 16th birthday, her 18yo sister and her sister's best girlfriend, took her with them to see Cher, at an indoor arena.  I had no problem with that.  I also had no problem when she was 17, and went with 2 of her gf's to a Christian band, especially since 1) our 18yo next door neighbor boy was working the venue as usher/security, and would be there to help if necessary, and 2) we dropped off and one of the other parents picked up.

We also frequently took their friends with us, and other parents whom we trusted, reciprocated.  Perhaps the parents of one of the other girls would be willing to act as chaperone, since you cannot.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 1:13pm

(or maybe another dad can go with your dh and just sit within eyesight if that's where everyone is comfortable)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 10:23pm

Where you see the forward slanting slash marks, it means I am starting another paragraph.  For some reason iVillage did not catch those paragraphs the other day.    //////////////////    

Had my parents not met at WOODSTOCK and shared a blanket at WOODSTOCK, I don’t suppose I would be here.  LOL  Obviously, that is a lie as I was born two years before that concert event and my parents are of the Elvis generation. My siblings and I are going to buy them tickets to his next concert when he washes up on a beach somewhere still alive.  LOL     /////////////////////////////////  

Seriously, like the other ladies, I too would follow my gut feelings, but, if possible, I would try to accommodate them by sending dad.  I would tell hubby he needs to “take one for the team.”    Also, hubby this is important to our daughter and she will remember this kindness when we are both below the grass under stones with our names engraved on them (or on the fireplace mantle in urns).  Besides, my hubby is a people watcher and would enjoy the freak show if that is what it is.     /////////////////////////////   

And its always OK to be “ultra strct” when you think you should be.  It’s not that we don’t trust our kids; it’s that we don’t trust certain elements of society and don’t want to see what happened to our children on the national news like the parents whose teens perished on the ferry in Korea when it sank a few weeks ago.    //////////////////////   

To show you how out of step I am with the music world today, I have no clue as to who these performers you named are, but the fact that they can fill a stadium says they are hot. /////////////////

As for our teens, who are now all 21 and 22, (WOW how quickly the years do pass!!!!!), they were not big into the concerts—especially those costing $100 or more for the nose bleed tickets. However, concerts are extremely important to some kids.  Most of the concerts that ours attended were over at the amusement park (Six Flags), most of which are family appropriate, but there were a few concerts that our kids were NOT allowed to attend.  Often times, hubby and I went with them and their friends, with hubby and me sitting several yards away from the teens.    Other parents appreciated that we were there watching over the gang.   /////////////////////                 

The other day on the news was some lady in Florida that gave birth to triplet sons at 47—hubby and my age.  She was shocked because her older two kids kids are adults and she didn’t think a woman her age could get pregnant.  My kids saw that and started teasing hubby and me.  I told them, if that happens to me, I will do things in reverse to the normal path of the grandparents raising their grandchildren and hubby and I will dump our triplets on their sisters for them to be raised by their older sisters.  LOL    //////////////////////    

In the extended family is a guy my parents age that was born when his parents were 50. Well into his college years, he wondered if maybe one of his older sisters was his biological mother as that was a southern custom where parents sometimes sent their unmarried pregnant teen daughter off to have the baby and then claimed the baby was their child.   His sisters took him aside and assured him that neither of them were anything other than his older sisters and NOT his mother and aunt.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-09-2014 - 11:49am

Now, Kimmy, I'm sure I'm at least 10 yrs older than you and I know who these bands are.  lol  But then I am into music.  We have a similar kind of arena near here.  when my dd was about 16 (she had her license but wasn't old enough to drive with a friend) I took her & her friend to see John Mayer and Maroon 5.  this is a place that you can't get to on public transportation so I was secretly happy that I got to see this concert.  Then when DS was 16 he & his friend wanted to see Forence & the Machine--again another concert that I was happy to go to--lucky me.  His initial idea was that one parent could drive and someone else could pick up.  I was not afraid of the venue and I knew that Florence wouldn't be attracting wild kinds of fans, but since I had been to this place before, I knew that to get out of the parking lot is a huge traffic jam and who wants to be the one to try to drive down there at midnight & fight the traffic, so it was easier to just go--and I sat with the kids both times.  Of course I do not do lawn seats--I am too old for that plus the concert goes on rain or shine and it's not fun to be sitting on the lawn in the rain!  They can pretend they don't know me if they want to.

So I think that DS just started to go to concerts on his own in Boston when he was 17--the first time I was a little nervous because it was at the House of Blues which is right by Fenway Park--I dropped off and the other mom picked up.  Now he can drive and I don't have to worry about him being home before the midnight driving curfew so I don't care.

I think at 16 or 17 a lot depends on the venue, the amount of people there and what kind of band is playing.  Have there been problems in the past at that place with people being arrested for drugs, disorderly conduct, etc.?  Would they know what to do if soemone was bothering them?  What would they do if people were smoking weed around them?  I assume alcohol is not being served if it's all ages so the crowd would probably be more subdued.  also, are they used to doing things alone?  There are kids who grow up in a city and are used to going around alone, taking the subway and being around all kinds of people and then there are more sheltered kids who might be scared if people start acting rowdy and not know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Sat, 05-10-2014 - 9:23am

Alcohol is definitely served at this one.  We are from a little suburb...My daughter went to a rowdy school initially and hated it.  We actually just found out that we may be doing something else on the one weekend they are playing, and my daughter said it wa not big deal, so it's not like she is horrendously upset.  I think I might give it another year.  If my work schedule changes by then, maybe I will try to talk hubby into going with me.  I actually kind of like Fall Out Boys!

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Sat, 05-10-2014 - 12:19pm

DD 17 has only been to one concert without a parent. She was 16. It was at a mid-size arena at the university (no lawn) and sort of a mellow indie folk rock band (more pot than alcohol.) She met up with 2 other friends and we were comfortable. Part of our comfort was that DH is a huge concert goer and the kids have been his favorite companions since they were about 9. They know the ins and outs of every local venue. DD goes to a lot of theatre and small concerts (cafe/restaurant) with friends and has since about 13 (my current 13-year-old does as well) but the big concerts? Only the one for DD 17 so far.

I understand your concern with the lawn. It can be really mellow with lots of families and those too young to drink or it can be overwhelmed with plastered 21-year-olds that couldn't afford a seat. It really depends on the band and atmosphere their concerts typically set. I know Paramore but I've never bee to one of their concerts. Like, Maroon 5... totally comfortable sending my kid up to the lawn with friends (I was there in the seats but I would sent them today without me comfortably.) Black-eyed peas? Nope. Not sure I'd send them alone in the seating... we saw them in a festival once and the crowd really shifted when they came up!

In general, I think 16 is plenty old enough but certainly, if your instincts are saying "no" then you should listen.