What happens to the weird kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2014
What happens to the weird kids?
10
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 9:22am

I overheard my 30 year old daughter talk about a old classmate of hers. Apparently he just lost his virginity at the age of 30. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for him. When he was a teen he was one of those kids that everybody thought was weird. He didn't have any male friends and girls didn't pay attention to him. He used to eat lunch alone. I know popular culture likes to believe that these kids grow up and become "cool" or whatever but it kind of surprised me that it took him so long. That he was still struggling socially throughout his 20's. 

I know many of you probably don't have children in their 30's and I know in many cases kids from high school have graduated and left the city but for those of you who know what happened to the kids that everybody thought was "weird" in high school? Did he struggle in adulthood? Did he thrive? 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 10:52am

I was probably considered weird in HS because I was a techy and pretty high up in rank to where I was considered a bookworm (not cool), but I did do activities (in 22 in HS actually) so maybe not quite as bad.  I only worked PT til ds21 was 12, so my career didn't 'thrive' but I'm doing ok as a project manager for a company making eye surgery equipment and packs. We did have the real oddballs - one was a kid I knew since grade school; he ended up a chemist and is at a national laboratory now.  I honestly don't know if he married. Another one had designed a tank by the time we graduated HS (he was in ROTC) and had hung around with kids who did D&D - he got immediately recruited as the 3rd brightest student ever going to West Point - he quit after a couple of months as he felt it was a waste of time and boring; he went into Army intelligence and did marry a HS classmate, and went to Desert Storm.  At least many I would've considered weird were VERY bright so hopefully careers went well.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 12:16pm

I actually do have kids in that age range, they're 28 and 30. They went to a large HS (~2000 students) with a very mixed student body. I don't recall hearing about any kids that stood out as particularly weird in the way that you mean, but both of my kids could have been considered weird by some kids. Both still have their "eccentricities" but have parlayed them into assets IMO. Ds can tell you a lot about the hows and whys of beer, for instance, which these days is considered cool; he has found a field where his braininess is a valuable commodity; and he has a smart and attractive longtime girlfriend---so he is doing well even if somebody from HS might still think he is weird. Dd, who is more "artsy", moved to NYC where there is always somebody more flamboyant or weird around the corner.

I think its hard to make generalizations about what or who is weird, and how to define their "success" later in life. We hear about people who were popular in HS and that seems to have been their pinacle of success, they spend the rest of their life trying to recapture that---I wouldn't consider that "thriving".

As for the guy who just lost his virginity, I wouldn't assume that its because he was too weird. There are prostitutes and women who will sleep with anybody, so he could have gotten with one of those women if he felt the need to lose his virginity. Maybe he has very high standards and wanted to wait until he met the right person? Society likes to think that men will sleep with anybody who is willing, but plenty of men are actually quite discerning regarding that level of intimacy. What I find interesting is how your 30yo dd even learned this information about somebody who was not her close friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2014
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 1:04pm

He lost it to a friend of hers. I guess he was happy to lose it to a girl who was once "cool". 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 2:43pm

I was 'older' too...I wanted to wait til it was the right guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2014
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 3:06pm

Well there is nothing wrong with waiting but based on his history I would say it was because girls generally avoided him. I think if he could have had sex earlier he could have. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 3:38pm

Who cares if this young man was a virgin until he was 30? And honestly why is this information "common knowledge" that others know about it. It is his business and only his.

Our most beloved and famous Prime Minister was a virgin until his 30s. He was a bachelor when he became PM, dated movie stars, drove a sport car etc.. He married at 56 and had 3 sons.

I know more than a few people (male & female) who, for various reasons, were vigins until their 30s  Were they strange? No They were very focus on their academic careers anf/or their work. And didn't meet a SO that matched them  intellectual  until they were in their 30s.. These are not ugly, overweight people who live in their parents' basement nor are they religious. They are now still with their SO years latter.

No reason to feel sorry for them.

What is strange is anyone would ask such a question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 3:50pm

While I do agree that if the guy wanted to lose his virginity earlier he could have easily gone to a prostitute - I do think I understand your question. Often the kids that are perceived as 'weird' in high school tend to kind of be loners and likely aren't very happy. I think what you're asking is if we knew people that were like that in high school that ended up 'blossoming'. I can think of a couple girls that I went to high school with that probably would have been classified as 'weird' - kept to themselves, not really part of a 'group', etc. I've reconnected with both through Facebook and both seem pretty 'normal' now. One did marry and has grown children. The other never married and I don't know her well enough to know what the story is on that but I believe she recently retired early after a long, successful career. 

Pam
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 7:18pm

"I guess he was happy to lose it to a girl who was once "cool"."

Had he been in love with her from afar back in HS or something? Is she now dating him and says he's no longer weird?

My kids no longer care about who or what was considered cool in HS; and an advantage of attending a large diverse HS is that there wasn't just one definition of cool. Weird is much broader and could also apply to kids who were considered cool within their group.

If your original question was whether people blossom after HS, yes, many people do. They may feel like they don't fit in at HS, especially if they are more mature or serious than their classmates. If they go away to college they often find their niche there (or get to reinvent themselves away from kids they've known for the past 12+ years) and start to relax and realize their potential. The larger arena of university tends to be more open minded (ie. mature) and accepting than the HS environment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 03-25-2014 - 12:54am

To answer the heading question, like all types of people some go on to have wonderful happy successful lives like say Bill Gates and the late Steve jobs.  Bill is successful across the board, and apparently in the things that money can’t buy also, like family and marriage. Others face tragic and dismal things like Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, or Adam Landza who killed his mother, twenty children and six adults in Newtown.   Like a bell curve, most fall somewhere between.

How did he find losing his virginity to be?

OOPS, sorry about that question.  I’ll withdraw the question as this is a family forum and not Penthouse.  LOL Seriously, I hope he and the lady both enjoyed it and they have a relationship that will go the distance. He would definitely be among the older end of the spectrum of ages for first time.  By any chance was he studying for the priesthood?   LOL

(When “W” Bush was still in his 30s, and still drinking quite heavely, some friend of the family turned 50 and he (using his own words here) made an ASS of himself by asking, “WOW, what’s sex like at 50?”  When he turned 50 himself, W got a card from the lady with these words, “So, George what’s the answer to your question?”  LOL  Hubby and I are getting close to knowing the answer also.  LOL  Even though I am a few weeks older, I am still young, but the old man is really showing his age.  LOL

Many things, like beauty, humor, and weirdness, are in the eye of the beholder.  What may be a thing of beauty, humor, or weirdness to one person may be ugly, offensive, or normal to another or even many others.  Most often, neither side is correct or incorrect. It’s just a difference of perspective. 

We have a plaque that has floated around our family for fifty or more years that is somewhat on point, which says.  “All the world is little queer, except me and thee, and just between me and thee, I think thee is sometimes more than a little queer.”  Queer in this context does not refer to sexual orientation, but rather a person being strange of weird.

Oh, do hubby and I have BTDT experience with the weird one and what a blessing he is to our family!!!!  Youngest SIL, the Butchman, has mild Asperger’s Syndrome which is now included on the Autistic Spectrum. Quirky as all get out, but as the old joke goes, “He’s like fungus and grows on you.”   

I’m not even sure Butch had reached 15, when our youngest daughter, Little Miss Libido, deflowered him.  (I know they were SA by mid-fifteen, but choose not to ever inquire about exact details beyond that they were doing it when I came home from work early one afternoon.  I have no exact knowledge as to who did what, when, and to whom.  Not interested in knowing either.)

This week our couples celebrate their fourth wedding anniversary and things sill look very good. (Both couples count time from thirty-one months before that wedding date when each couple made secret vows. Don’t even try to tell me that they aren’t all four weird.  LOL)

If the average age of first time is 16 or 17, it takes a few like these two couples to balance out this “thirty year old virgin.” 

Guess he gave into weakness and couldn’t hold off and be a “Forty year old Virgin.”  I know I’m bad.   LOL

When I think about high school when I was there just a few (dozen) years ago and when our two young couples were there four years ago, I think there were more weirdoes than non-weirdoes.  

For what it’s worth, several biographers and memoir writers about Ronald Reagan using Henry David Thoreau’s (Thoreau was clearly a really weird person.) “march to the beat of a different drummer” words to explain Reagan. One even titled his memoir of his time with the Reagans with those words of Thoreau.  Maybe those of us who don’t “step to the beat of a different drummer” are the weird ones?

Speaking of those who “step to the beat of a different drummer” (LOL), I notice that Rachel Canning (the teen who left home and sued her parents for child support of $650 per week) and her parents and their lawyers met with the judge and she is dropping her complaint.  As with any of these types of situations, I hope she and her parents find family peace, she does well in life, and she finds much happiness. Maybe she will find a cure for cancer in her medical biology studies and win the Nobel Prize for Medicine.  We could all use that and I would love to read that about her.    

Metaphorically speaking, I would love to knock the top off of her friend’s father’s head and thumb through the index cards of his mind to see why he ever got involved in somebody else’s family issues. The state would have taken action if Rachel and her sisters were at risk of harm. 

I also saw on the evening news several days ago that Today Show co-anchor Savanna Guthrie was four plus months pregnant at her wedding last Saturday.  At 42, she doesn’t have lots of time left to do so. 

Our OBgyn says it starts getting more difficult to conceive every day after 35 as your viable egg numbers are highly diminished.  Being the OBgyn doctor in her family, she gets lots of older cousins, nieces, family friends, etcetera, asking her advice when they get engaged in their late thirties.  She recommends STOPPING BIRTH CONTROL NOW and having a quick wedding as they’re pushing up against the limits of when they can get pregnant with “their” eggs (as opposed eggs purchased from a donor). 

They often mention some celebrity who was in her mid to late forties when she delivered a baby. To which she comments, “They may be carrying the baby, but odds are it is NOT their biological egg, but an egg purchased from a twenty something college coed.  This is very expensive and not the same as using your own egg.”

Among our extended family and friends is a couple that started late into the “ticking clock” years and has spent tens of thousands of dollars per child for in vitro fertilization where they harvest her eggs, his sperm, do whatever they do to mix them and put more than one embryo back in the her and maybe one survives to be born. Sometimes none survive.  (Our oldest daughter has issues that this will not even solve; therefor she and her hubby will be building their family via adoption.)

 

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 5:25pm

I think it is sad, 1) his sex life is out there for all to know 2) that you are expected to sleep around. Perhaps he had different morals? I hope my kids wait until they say "I Do",. I tell them all the time, "Behave like a Lutheran for more than the hour you sit in the pew." I guess that makes my kids the wierd ones!  The jury is still out on them.  In my class, te wierd ones seem to have fallen off the radar, I know one girl, very smart is nun.  She was always shy, not wierd, but always had the calling. 

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!