When they are 18 but still need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
When they are 18 but still need help
Tue, 03-11-2014 - 11:23am

Well I don't really know what to title this, but yesterday illustrated one of those situations where they are technically adults but still need help.

So Sunday night my son showed me that his finger had what looked like a blister on it and being the bad mom that I am I totally forgot about it--ok, he mentions this late at night when it's kind of late to do anything about it.  So he did go to the school nurse and then called me and said it was an infection and she told him he should go to the doc & get antibiotics.  Meanwhile, he had his regular physical from his pediatrician in the summer and hasn't seen an adult doc yet--I did get so far as calling Blue Cross and calling my doc.  I call my doc's office and the secretary said they are too busy & go to one of those walk in clinics, which turned out fine--he went & they had to drain it and they gave him an Rx.

So while all this was going on before I even went to work, I decided I'd stop by the pediatrician's and pick up his records.  I already had him write a letter asking the pediatrician to send the records to the new doc but they said the records had to be picked up.  I stopped in and they said oh these are confidential, we can't release them w/o his permission.  I probably understand the HIPAA laws more than most people since I'm a lawyer & deal with this stuff every day--obviously I know that I can't see his future records, but as I told them, how can this be confidential since I was actually at all those appts. with him and already know what is in there?  That didn't go anywhere so I got him on the phone--oh we can't talk to him, we have to have something in writing.  So luckily the school nurse allowed him to fax over an authorization.

Then at night I went to pick up the Rx and the doc had sent it to the wrong pharmacy--not the one near our house, the one on the other side of town.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2008
Tue, 03-11-2014 - 11:54am

I don't understand how you as the parent aren't privy to your own children's medical records for the time they were under 18. That makes absolutely no sense.

However, I have another ridiculous medical story. My good friend had a teenage daughter get pregnant at 17 but would have been 18 by the time the baby was born. A parent had to be present and sign papers for the daughter to get prenatal treatment which was all fine with everyone at first. Unfortunately, there were terrible complications and the baby was born via emergency c-section far too early so the baby's mother was only 17. The baby was critical and had to sent out to another hospital in a different state for treatment. The 17 year old mother made all medical decisions concerning her critically ill baby (and several of them were life or death decisions) yet, she was not allowed to make decisions about her own medical condition. The teen-age mother's mother had to be informed and the medical staff had to get permission from her parents in order for her to be treated. Thankfully the teenage-mother and her own mother have a good relationship. I can't imagine how difficult it could have been had they been estranged. Crazy stuff! 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Wed, 03-12-2014 - 1:16am

My daughters signed releases allowing me access to their medical records even after they were emancipated by marriage.  I tried a few times to use that logic with the OBgyn to kind out the sex of our next grandson and was told with a chuckle.  "I don’t think that release was intended to include things that your daughter specifically chooses not to know herself, but I can call her if you want me to?"   " No, please don’t as we both know the answer."  LOL

If I had known that there was the slightest possibility that our daughter and SIL might have an envelope with that information in it, SIL’s mom and I would have searched for it while they were in evening classes.  LOL  All is fair in LOVE, war, and parenthing and GRANDPARENTING. 

They will always be our children and we will always be taking care of things for them.  And yeah, that is how it is.  LOL