I just stood there..
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|Tue, 05-27-2014 - 12:16pm|
Yesterday I was taking my 5 year-old for a bike ride and we rode past the house of a friend (age 11) who has 2 American bull dogs. My son jumped off his bike to say hi to his friend. The dogs barked and the friend told my son to go to the side of the house. He did and the dogs ran out the side garage door and knocked my son to the ground; barking the whole time. They were jumping on him and he yelled for me to help him.
All I could do was stand there... frozen. At the time, I thought they were just excited but once he yelled, I froze. His friend grabbed one dog and the other one stood at the edge of the electric fence barking at me. My son was able to get up and run to me, when I noticed the scratch on his side. I broke down into sobs and apologized for not protecting him. He told me that it was OK but since then be keeps asking me why I didn't protect him.
I'm the mom! I'm supposed to step between him and anything that is meant to hurt him...but I froze :( How can I ever expect him to believe that I can protect him again? His dad and I are divorcing after 20 years of marriage so that doesn't help my guilt at all. I can't protect him from a dog and I can't protect him from the pain of his father leaving his mommy and breaking up the only family he knows.
I feel absolutely useless and like he and his sister would be better off without me. I wish I could go back to that moment so that I could rush to him, scoop him into my arms and carry him away. That is what he expected and what he deserves...instead he has a mom who froze.