Feeling Like I Need a Change

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Feeling Like I Need a Change
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 6:13am

I was sitting in the ER the other day getting treated for unbearable asthma, when I started thinking about things in my life that needed to change. I'm still young and I have a lot of things in life I wanted to accomplish, but it seems like I am not even on the path towards reaching my goals.

So, I started putting together a forum for women who want support in reaching their life goals and I started thinking that I need support as much as anyone else. I think putting this forum together will help me a little bit if I can get it running.

In a month, I am getting married and my nerves are shot. My fiance is in the Navy and he's deployed right now helping with the disaster in SE Asia and I am here, being supportive and loving. But I am getting cold feet, which is not helping my feelings that my life is meaningless.

I love my fiance and my family and my friends, but I feel like I need something more to my life. I have goals, which I outlined on my discussion forum for my career, my family, my health, and my social life... but I guess I missed another category that I suppose would be "personal."

It's so important to have time to yourself doing the things you enjoy, but it feels like I have to actually make headway in one of my other goals in order to start on the personal ones. I feel like I have no hobbies that I'm able to do, either due to lack of funds, because I need to get in better shape or get better in general (I've had pneumonia) or whatever reason.

I want to find new hobbies and branch out on my interests, but where does a woman even start to explore this other side of herself? I am very confident and know who I am, I know what is important to me, but I want to start trying new things. It's never too early or too late to learn something new. But I have no idea what I want to try that I haven't done already.

I know I haven't done everything. What do you ladies do "for you?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 11:30am
Dear lilpoenixrising, My goodness but you are dealing with many things at once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 10:34pm

Hi lilphoenix :)

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 6:29am

Hi there,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 6:53am
Excellent post Suzan!

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 12:52pm

I made a decision on my birthday to make time for myself.
It seems that most of my adult life I have been "doing" for others,
and not at all for myself. Stress took hold in a major way, and I
created a list (in journal form)
I joined a gym, and I force myself to go at least 4x a week.
It's great.
I love to read, but it seems that I never have time, so I had to create time.
My book goes everywhere with me.
I let the laundry pile up until friday night.
I took a tennis lesson (that will be perfect for summertime)
I taught myself to play raquetball.
My next short goal is to go to school (a certificate course)

I never thought it would be so hard to do things for just ME.
I do feel selfish sometimes, but it is so muh better to feel selfish than to
have that neglected "what about me" feeling.

I just got married two years ago. I have been with him for about 9 total.
I still got cold feet (and this is my 2nd)
I think that is natural.
Embrace the uncertainty, and then remind yourself
what made you fall in love in the first place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:39pm
Hi dogggface, welcome to our board! :)

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 11:27am

Hi there,

I know that you must be in a precarious situation with all the confusion that you seem to be experiencing. But, how exciting also, right? I love the moments in life when I realize that something needs to be done and - better yet - the moments when I know I'm ready to do something. I hope you can feel some of that excitment too - even if it is nervous excitement.

I can't touch on the marriage issue because, having never been engaged or married, I've never had cold feet. I would encourage you to really follow your heart and do what is best for you.

I'm curious about the "forum" that you are referencing. Is this a message board, a support group, an email club, what kind of forum are you talking about? Whatever it is, it sounds like a fantastic idea and like something that will get you and others motivated to move forward in life, motivated to make things happen. Great start!

As for finding some hobbies, I would encourage you to set aside a full day to go to the library or a large bookstore. Browse through any topic - crafts, history, drama, fiction, cookbooks, even magazines - and make a list of what really peaks your interest. Then either check out or buy a couple of selections and take them home and peruse. Figure out from that what you are really drawn to, what you fall in love with and pursue that. Bookstores or libraries are such great resources for SO many things including self-development.

After you pick one or two things that really interest you, look around your town for a class about your topics. You might find something at a local university or community college or an activity center - look wherever you might find something. Or look into local groups or clubs. In your search for the original interests, you might stumble onto more things that really interest you, therefore broadening even more your hobby portfolio. You will likely make some friends along the way too, which is always an added bonus.

One more thing that might help is to volunteer your time. Volunteering is a great way to spend time and a great hobby to have. Look at the causes that you are passionate about and seek out ways to volunteer your time in those areas. It might be animal welfare, helping terminally ill children or reading to the elderly, teaching someone to read, helping at a food kitchen, anything! Volunteering is a great way to broaden the "personal" aspect of life.

Above all, investigate possiblities, read, read, read!, and try new things. Be open to hobbies that you might not otherwise think of and be sure to remember to post here and let us know how your journey is going!

Good luck!

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~Gandhi

CL of Living Single 30 and Up and co-CL of 30-Something Lounge

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~Gandhi