How do you fall in love with your self?
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|Sat, 02-11-2006 - 6:27pm|
Aloha everyone! Yes I am new here but I have something to say about Valentine's Day that I need to get off my chest...
I came across this ivillage message which relates to Valentines Day!
"This year, we say take charge of Valentine's Day. Celebrate yourself! Fall in love with yourself! Be your own valentine! Whether you're in love or looking for love, single or in a relationship should not dictate how you feel on February 14. Why not look good and feel great just for you?”
Where is the fun in looking good if you are the only one who is going to see you on Valentines day? I don't see the point in me going through all that trouble of looking good if I can not show me off afterwards…do you? If it is just me on Valentines Day then I would rather kick back let my fat hang out, pop open and drink a few maitias and not worry what I look like to myself and run around the house in the most comfortable raggedy az cloths I have in my closet and spend the day watching the grass grow. Or let me put it to you this way I would rather pull my finger nails out then to go through all the trouble of looking like Barbie without Ken being any where in sight on Valentines Day.
For one thing getting all dolled up for myself on Valentines Day would make me feel worst not better for having to do some thing like that to my self to prove I have self worth to the inner child which lives in me. Showing my self I love myself just does not compute in my brain and does nothing for my well-being. Knowing me getting all made up with no where to go and no one to share this love feast day with would only emphases the fact I am the only one in the world that loves me because if some one loved me more then I would not be spending it alone with myself. duh!!!
I don't need to do things to camouflage my physical body to remind my brain that the reason why it is not with playmates on Feb 14th is maybe because it is not pretty enough. The more I have to do to this body to love it the more contempt I feel for it. My brain knows where I am coming from so why should I try and trick it into thinking otherwise by putting a band aid over the boo boo or flaws in my personality which helped in it to be alone on Valentine’s Day. Furthermore plastering the outside of this shell I live in with all sorts of concoctions to make it smell better and look good…. And then on top of that wrapping it all up in different colored material…. and putting a new coat of paint on it where it is damage… and then cramming chocolate down my throat because it gives it pleasure is not going to trick my brain into thinking it is some thing its not on Valentine's day.
In my opinion I think it is absurd for me to try and run a scam on my thought processing centers in my brain especially on Valentines Day.... For me it is rough enough to go through this love-in day alone with what baggage I normally carry around in my head every day. I am not about to fill my brain with more garbage on Feb 14th just so I can trick my brain into thinking I love it if my brain chooses not to on that day. As a matter of fact I can not think of any thing that can pull me out of a downward spiral once my brain winds itself around a single point of view it has about it's me. The harder I try to unwind the negative thoughts in my head the worst the thoughts about my self rise to the surface… I like just leaving my self be on Valentines Day because past history tells me then I will get through the day with little or no scars. The only thing that helps my brain on valentines day in the self love department is me doing something for myself to correct the chemical unbalances which flows through my veins which make me think bad thoughts about my self.
Now don’t get me wrong… I like looking good for William of course… and for all the people in the world I don't know yet… and for those people I don’t like but want to impress on Valentines day (if he takes me out on the town on Valentine’s Day)…. William loves my masquerades and he gets such a big kick out me looking good that then it is fun to get all dolled up. If he is around on love day then I will probably spend hours fixing myself up by tinting my hair and putting on make up and I will wear something sexy and pretty for William for Valentines day so I am a feast for his weary eyes... And I will surprise him with a candle lit dinner on Feb 14th if he is not to busy to take a break from work to enjoy it with me.
But if on the other hand I find myself alone on Valentine’s Day then the best love thing I can do for myself would be for me to dust off and put up my hammock under the palm trees out back and kick back and enjoy being able to breathe again on my own. Plus to show my brain how much I love it I would put it out of its misery on love day by downing a few maitais so it can better deal with the loneliness it feels on love day 2006. I will not be taking my inner child to fantasy land by putting her in a costume on Valentines day because that is just to cruel to do to her because the withdrawls she will have to go through when fantasy land turns back into a pumpkin might be to much for her to handle. If I am to be alone then I deal with it in reality. Instead of putting my inner child through all that misery I thought when the day comes and she is alone then I would put a super soaker water pistol in her hands and let her knock all the blacks crows out of the trees out back all day long if she wants. My inner child loves to make the crow's life miserable every chance she gets because their squawking and fighting all day makes her turn into a raving manic. So hey if that is what makes her happy then that is what I am going to allow her to do just to show her how much really love her.
Huuummm…. On this Valentine's Day if I catch myself listening to love songs by myself then I know that will tick off the beast that dwells inside me… So I am going to sooth that nasty little beast with nothing but Hawaiian music and cross my fingers it likes it enough to stay inside me and not pop out of its hole on Valentine’s day and make me look like a righteous “B”. Yup when the beast inside me feels unloved then all hell breaks loose so it is best to help it forget that it is love day. I could hit it over the head and knock it out but if I don’t then it just makes matters worst for the inner child in me to live in peace with it.… if that makes any sense… Yup I have to deal with the unlovable beast inside because it always pops up on special occasions when it feels it is not getting its just rewards in life. What else can a hula girl do with her beast that she can’t kill it…
When the evening comes and William can not make it home for dinner “because it’s tax season” and he is swamp with work then I plan on clicking on the boob tube and making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich so I don’t have to cook and clean up the kitchen and call it a day…
That is showing the beast and the inner child and the me… myself.. and I… that I dearly love them!