Letting go of 2005 - Just a share
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|Thu, 12-22-2005 - 10:24am|
Our family celebrates Christmas but I also celebrate the Winter Solstice (Yule), which started yesterday and will last 12 days. The Winter solstice is traditionally a celebration of longer days and shorter nights; or the rebirth of the Sun God to most Pagan beliefs. It has become a time for me to release behaviors or issues that have been troubling this past year and open myself up to replacing those with new, healthier ones. How I celebrate this holiday is by lighting a candle each night beginning on the evening of the solstice and each night after for 12 days. Before I light the candle I meditate a little about the things in my life that I need to release and let go of - kind of celebrate what was learned from those dark times; what I'd like to bring into my life as new; and then give thanks for my many blessings. I write down those things I wish to release and after some meditation/prayer I burn the peice of paper in a fireproof bowl. I learned this from a friend and it's become a part of my annual holiday celebrations.
This year, the ritual took on so much more meaning for me as this has been such a year of transition in my family's lives. From my 16dd's sexual assault, to my 18dd's 18th birthday and newfound adulthood (wow!) and to my personal relationship with my sister (the crumbling one), I've made so many transitions. I've grown as a woman, wife, mother, friend and sister. I've learned to let go of old hurts, heartaches and slights. I've learned to embrace those precious moments that are so seemingly insignificant, but mean so so much.
So, anyway, for my release I let go of my fear, anxiety, anger and resentment of the man who assualted my 16dd. I am trying to replace it with compassion and forgiveness instead. A person so damaged surely could use some compassion and prayer, no? I let go of my anguish and sadness at my 18dd turn 18. Instead, I celebrate seeing my first born develop into such an amazing, independent and wonderful young woman. I've let go of the hurt that surrounds my sister and our relationship and have tried to replace it with acceptance of who she is and of the boundaries that this relationship has (it's okay to have restrictive relationships at times). I've neglected my H this year while in my efforts to be supportive of my 16dd and her ordeal, I allowed a lot of things get between H and me. I will try to replace that neglect with a new focus on being a better wife and being less critical and more supportive and accepting of H.
I am not sad to see 2005 to go, I won't put it sweetly - 2005 has been one heck of a rotten year for me/us. I look to the future in the hopes of personal growth, redemption from any wrongs I've done to others, and opening myself up to new life, love and nourishing relationships.
Does anyone else do anything like this, reflect on your past year and prepare for the new upcoming one? Something akin to making New Year's resolutions maybe?