My girls are pushing me over the edge!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
My girls are pushing me over the edge!!!
13
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 12:06am

I am at the end of my ropes and was looking for a site to vent my frustration and figure out how to deal with my 2 daughters (ages 4 & 6). I didn't find what I was loking for but when I found this time out for me I figured I'd give it a go and see what you wonderful women can advise me to do!!!!

I love my daughters dearly, as any mother does, but I am so stressed with what to do as far as getting them to respect and listen to me that I am at the end of the ropes. My main gripe with the girls is trying to get them to pick up their room and just clean up after themselves in general. I am not expecting them to go in their room and deep clean, I just want the basics done. They have a big rubbermaid tub that all of their toys go in so I am not expecting them to sort by Barbies, Strawberry Shortcake and Polley Pockets. They are very distructive, we freshly painted their room this summer, and hung up hooks on their walls, decorated the dressers and fixed up their room. They weren't home for a week and they had marked up the walls and dressers and tore the hooks off the walls. I have folded their laundry and their closet is FULL of dresses, they will go in and pull everything out of the dresser and gut the closet.....then I have to rewash most of it because they spill something in their room or their dirty clothes get mixed in. I have taken their toys away, threatened to make them spend the day on their beds, everything I can think of, my husband has done all of this too but we are both just at a total loss. My daughters preschool teacher's suggestion is "Pick your fights." But I am wanting to teach them responsibility and they aren't learning by me just going in and picking it up for them, they take it for granted.

My oldest daughter Ashleigh turned 6 in September and in her younger days we thought she would be our difficult child. She is very head strong and set in her ways but she has been outshined by her younger sister in this department. I think Ashleigh would do much better if she and Caitlynn (our youngest) had seperate bedrooms. Ashleigh has become less destructive as she has gotten older. She just gives you the deer in the headlights look when you are trying to lecture or punish her.

Caitlynn is the baby and let me tell you the classic baby of the family. She thinks that she is exempt from EVERYTHING. She figures if she cries tears she can get away with it. It works on her daddy but I am harder on her. My grandma says she is just like I was as a child although I never argued like she does.....she'll tell you the sky is green and actually try to convince you of it. She bawls everytime I tell her to do something.

So I guess I am just looking for some good ways to deal with 2 very stubborn little girls. I have done the time out thing and it always ends up that I give up after a time because of the whining and the potty breaks every 2 minutes. I am not a pushover by anymeans, I don't want it to sound that way at all. I stick to my guns and I am just exhausted by it. So HELP!!!! Or at least let me know there are more of us moms out there that are dealing with this type of child!!!!

Thanks for listening!

Christina Rich

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 11:05pm

Hi Christina, welcome to our board. :))

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 8:47am




I love my daughters dearly, as any mother does, but I am so stressed with what to do as far as getting them to respect and listen to me that I am at the end of the ropes. My main gripe with the girls is trying to get them to pick up their room and just clean up after themselves in general. I am not expecting them to go in their room and deep clean, I just want the basics done. They have a big rubbermaid tub that all of their toys go in so I am not expecting them to sort by Barbies, Strawberry Shortcake and Polley Pockets. They are very distructive, we freshly painted their room this summer, and hung up hooks on their walls, decorated the dressers and fixed up their room. They weren't home for a week and they had marked up the walls and dressers and tore the hooks off the walls. I have folded their laundry and their closet is FULL of dresses, they will go in and pull everything out of the dresser and gut the closet.....then I have to rewash most of it because they spill something in their room or their dirty clothes get mixed in. I have taken their toys away, threatened to make them spend the day on their beds, everything I can think of, my husband has done all of this too but we are both just at a total loss. My daughters preschool teacher's suggestion is "Pick your fights." But I am wanting to teach them responsibility and they aren't learning by me just going in and picking it up for them, they take it for granted.


I think I am going to separate out parts of your post because this could get really long.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 2:00pm
Hi Kathie. I too am in the same boat, but my girls are older, 8 and 12. they share a room. I have just decided my 12 yr. old can do her own laundry. I got so frustrated because she would "clean" and the "laundry" would start looking familiar!(clean).
At 12 yrs old, can you tell me what She should be doing?She said washing the dishes is disgusting, but if I remember, I did the dishes at that age. Im so used to doing it all(or trying to) That I am burnt out. We have a small ranch, and the two of them don't even keep there room clean. I have told them no out until the room is clean, so they will sit and argue in the room all day. So that they wouldnt be overwhelmed I cleaned it and told them for now on...... but they don't. They fight over who vacuums. I put there name on the calender, one does it one day, the other the next. They don't seem to care. My 4yr olds room, is easier to clean. I do make him help and I use the closet trick, you use. It does work! He cant take anything out until the other is picked up. I learned alot, and now he is starting to clean his room, Although I still supervise. The girls shove the clothes anywhere out of sight. I don't want to be remembered as a screamer, but I am frustrated. Are they too old to be locked out of their room??LOL!!I am also going to use your idea of taking the game controller's. Rather than the whole game.
Any help appreciated.
Deb
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 9:10am

Hey Christina,

I really have no advice for you but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone I have 4 very strong willed stubborn girls ages 5,3,3,and 18 months .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 3:06pm

Hi, I think Kathie gave you some good advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 11:26am

Hi Deb,


I can totally relate to finding clean laundry in with the dirty stuff and clothes stuffed under the bed, etc....At 8 and 12 years old your daughter should be able to do just about any job around the house. Mine are responsible for keeping their rooms clean, setting and clearing the table, emptying and loading the dishwasher, vacuuming, picking up their things in all of the

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 11:39am

Hi, hml :)

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 11:57am

Julie,


You gave some excellent advice.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 1:13pm
Kathie, I am printing out your post!!!I am putting into action the new rules. "I am tired of asking them to pick up their feet as I vacuum" Okay, that's me. No excuses. My oldest is 12 and great kid, but needs a major boost. I think they will actually like this idea. She just got a cell phone and will need money for the minutes. She does babysit her brother at times when I need to run down the street to the market. the next two are 8 and 4. Could you give me an idea on how much allowance for each? We are a single income family, with not alot to spare, but I would incoprporate this in. They share a bedroom. I was thinking one could vacuum little brothers room. We do not have a dishwasher. 12 year old should wash dishes, and do laundry right?Her laundry. But the 8 yr old? What do you think? I am going out to get the glass jars! Should I put their allowance in the jar at the beginning of the week? And whatever is there on sat. Is theirs to take? How does this work? I am about ready at this point to bang heads together!!!LOL!!! I have no problem with no outside when something isnt done. How come my dh has no problem getting them to clean the room??Whats with that???LOL! Anyway, Your advice is well recieved and appreciated. I am going to pick up a special calender just for them!! Thanks alot!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 8:13am

Deb......Just wanted to let you know that I typed out a response to this post and it disappeared when I hit preview.....Arrrgh!

Snowman Siggy

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