My son is failing in school

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
My son is failing in school
23
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 8:09am

I just need to vent...


I am so angry right now.

Snowman Siggy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:42am

Oh Kathie...I know we don't have the same situation going on, but from reading your post I know we have the same feelings of frustration!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry! I know that is not good news...at least he does have a lot of time left to get them up to passing. I really wish I knew what to tell you, but I'm not doing so great with my 7yo right now!


Is your son reasonable? You say he doesn't seem to understand...is he being "little kid stubborn" or do you have issues getting through to him on a regular basis? (Sorry, I hope you know what I'm asking...My MIL is not ever a reasonable person--meaning we cannot talk to her, kwim? I'm just wondering about the defensiveness and rage and how it comes into play in the communication)


My parents have had *very* similar issues with my younger brother. He does have ADD (or ADHD? same thing?) and struggles a lot with depression, but that didn't make him incapable of doing the work, right?! ;) It was a *tough* 4yrs for them...I think they basically just struggled through and he was held back at least (?) once. Just

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:54am

(((hugs)))



Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 11:07am

{{{Kathie}}}

As you may remember I am in the same situation with my 16dd. She's the youngest in her grade so that was the first struggle. Next came the realization that she has a neurobiological disorder that makes it virtually impossible for her to focus on things she has no interest in, impulsive and overwhelmed by seemingly undaunting assignments or school projects.

I'm sorry that you're son continues to struggle. I always compared my dd to the "square peg that the school insists upon squeezing into the round hole". She's just not like the normal, go with the flow student. She isn't engaged when she's in school/class. She's not interested in reading a book and then regurgitating the information back to the teacher. Part of the problem, IMO, is that the school has been teaching the same damn curriculum here for almost 30 years. They read the same books we read as kids. You would think that with all the amazing literary works out there they could find some new, relevant material to offer up to our teens. And that's only a piece of the matter.

Despite the IEP and accomodations, tutoring and punishments, rewards systems, etc., we eventually took my dd out of our local public school and sent her to a charter school that is actually far out of our district. Because she is still in special ed, our district has to pay for the transportation and she still receives resource room and tutoring when necessary. I wish I could say that this has changed everything, but it hasn't. She still struggles, but at least she's not trapped in classes with the same kids who have been there since day one and watched her struggle all those years; or, with the same teachers who barely read her file and chalk up her behavior or attitude as simple laziness! No, in the charter school, I am alerted immediately when dd needs help or is in danger of failing. Because most classes are so small the teachers have an opportunity to really get to know the kids and figure out what methods of teaching work best for them. It's really been a positive experience, except that because of the distance, I have to attend monthly parent meetings to stay abreast of all activities going on. The school holds only about 80 student for grades 10,11,12. When dd started there, it was mid-year and she was failing 2 classes. She wound up going to summer school last summer and right now her schedule is loaded, but she's JUST passing all her classes, and really excelling in her writing class. I'm happy with the C's and D's, as long as she's passing and feels that feeling of success, you know?

Have you looked into alternative schools for your son? Is he involved with someone he loves outside of school? I think it's important for our kids to know that his/her academic grades are NOT the only measure or success or happiness. They really need to feel good about something in thier lives and that could be art classes or music, something else they love outside of school.

Speak with your son's guidance counselor and look on line for alternative schooling in and around your area. There may be some magnet schools, charter schools, alternative HS - something that would work for him. My friend's dd goes to HS at night. The girl (17) works by day for about 3-4 hours and then goes to school at a local HS from 3:30-7PM, M-TH. We looked into that for my dd and that's our last resort. DD doesn't want to do that program, which is why I think she is making an effort where she is. At first she missed her local HS, but now she says she will never go back.

Anyway, Kathie, I feel for you - I know how discouraging it is to watch your child just give up. My dd always said she didn't want to to go to college, so now we're looking at technical schools for post HS. I tell her she at least needs a trade to fall back on, otherwise she will be stuck in a dead end job. She's starting to finally consider this option. That's a HUGE step. Hugs~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 3:20pm
Dearest Kathie, I am so sorry that you aare having these problems. It sounds as if your son might be better off in home studies or maybe a smaller classroom. He may benefit from a one on one with a tudor.His illness may be causing the inability to concentrate causing him a feeling of frustration. My oldest son had to be in a smaller classroom as he was easily distracted. He simply could not concentrate with 35 kids around him plus he was hyperactive. He is 40 now with 2 children of his own and has surpassed our wildest dreams. Take things a day at a time as you look for more ways to help him. It sounds as if you are doing your best and that is all you can do. Hopefully time will take care of alot of this but for now it sounds as if he needs extra help. God bless. MaryAnne
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 8:33am
Ooh, that is a sticky situation. I have no clue what to tell you, but I will keep him in my prayers. I pray that God will enlighten him with understanding of his situation and that he will have the desire to do his best. He's in puberty and that alone makes him a PITA. So I can only

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2005
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 12:15pm
Kathie..it sounds like his IEP needs to be updated...does he have any modifications/accomodations?

 

   
 

  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 3:03pm
for one thing your butting heads,i been ther,i have helped my sone who is divpoced for over 9yrs raise my grandson,who is i 10th this yr,i watched his grades go down yr after yr,i learned one thing dont reley on school for help at all,see my grandson was tested last yr,they didnt tell me to go follow up with his dr just let his learning go on or lack of it,hes liked by all teachers,doesnt cause any problems never been on meds,so just like your child just wanting to get threw school when someone told me they didnt have to bounce off walls to have a learnig disabilty i went searching for help,i pulled off internet,more in 45 min i di with 3yrs od school helping,i learned my grandson has a lkearning disabilty theses papers unfolded his life right in front of me including the teachers remarks,effort commemable,see there willing to just call tell you you have a problem then when your chiuld comes home like i did i start in on him,they have to teach the class bf they give you the work what or u doing,hes looking for a d then gets f,so yr after yr,his self esteem is tied up to him calling his self a dumbass,when i heard the senctence they dont got ot bounce off walls,and then got all this info i was pissed to say the least,see we did take things away but all for the wrong reasons,he had no clue what was going on we didnt so how was he to know,you dont think your child feels bad,i was the biggest dog on this child back yet i had no clue he had problems,so i took the test,my reports,teachers reports took to his dr,he seen learning disabily all threw theses papers but no school didnt tell us,when i went there she said well we just test for certain things,then why in the hell didnt they say this last yr.my grandson has been on meds,for over 3weeks now he came in yesterday told us eh had a good day and he said he didnt sleep threw most his classes like he had ben doing,hey i had to hear the sleeping part form him,counsler never told em that,why it might be his grades or down,they want to push your child threw then when you finally had enought they back pedal with well we only test so much the rest your dr has ot,now they want to tell us that,my grandson hasd never been afraid to say i got a or f,we have always made his schooling the most inportant part of his life school first other things second,when he messed up at scholl like rubber band fight something he looked forward to was taken,how do you put total blame on your child when it may not be him all to fault like we found out,take your child have him tested outside of school i know you said he had other problems maybe this is just adding to ityour child like mine is closing so many doors and they cant tell you why,they or telling you the truth,they dont know why,i been standing up for school teachers now iam going to stand up for my grandson,they not doing there job,and like you i took it out on him,when you find like i did something else wrong your going to feel so bad for not checking sooner just like i did.all i can say after 3yrs of watching my grandson struggle and to have school tell me well we dont test for that NOW,see i butted heads with my grandson you should be butting heads with school and his dr.take away all you want its not going to stop the problems,you got to go look get the help for him yurself,if you cant explain what hes going threw,how is he suppost to explain it ot you? when i did listen to my grandson i learned he rolls at night,in school when hes done with math going to next class hes taking math with him did i get everything,by end of day he dont care,then we get grades your child in for it isnt he just like mine was,i know were your at you dont k now what else to do,its a fight every day see my grandsonlikes school so theres no fight in getting him up and there,so dont sit and take what school tells you,your failing yur child just like i did my graandson,it hurts and iam mad for it to of gone on so long and when i did take my own steps in 3weeks to ahve him come home with i didnt sleep threw i had a good day,and you want ot know the biggest shock,he wants to know what he would need to do to be a fireman,we never heard this see he closed so many doors for his self just wanting to get threw scholl,after he got the help he feels good and looks for tommrow cause the bottom line is i was not goin to sit here for the next 2 last yrs and let my grandson think he was a dumbass.good luckyour letter gets to my heart so does your child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 6:27pm

Jill, I'm sorry you feel some of the same frustrations as I do.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 6:33pm

Erin, it's so hard because as you said, once they reach a certain age, you don't really have any control over them.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 6:46pm

Hearts, I am sitting here in tears over the fact that you have to go through all of this too.

Snowman Siggy

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