I just need to vent...
I am so angry right now.
Oh Kathie...I know we don't have the same situation going on, but from reading your post I know we have the same feelings of frustration!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry! I know that is not good news...at least he does have a lot of time left to get them up to passing. I really wish I knew what to tell you, but I'm not doing so great with my 7yo right now!
Is your son reasonable? You say he doesn't seem to understand...is he being "little kid stubborn" or do you have issues getting through to him on a regular basis? (Sorry, I hope you know what I'm asking...My MIL is not ever a reasonable person--meaning we cannot talk to her, kwim? I'm just wondering about the defensiveness and rage and how it comes into play in the communication)
My parents have had *very* similar issues with my younger brother. He does have ADD (or ADHD? same thing?) and struggles a lot with depression, but that didn't make him incapable of doing the work, right?! ;) It was a *tough* 4yrs for them...I think they basically just struggled through and he was held back at least (?) once. Just
As you may remember I am in the same situation with my 16dd. She's the youngest in her grade so that was the first struggle. Next came the realization that she has a neurobiological disorder that makes it virtually impossible for her to focus on things she has no interest in, impulsive and overwhelmed by seemingly undaunting assignments or school projects.
I'm sorry that you're son continues to struggle. I always compared my dd to the "square peg that the school insists upon squeezing into the round hole". She's just not like the normal, go with the flow student. She isn't engaged when she's in school/class. She's not interested in reading a book and then regurgitating the information back to the teacher. Part of the problem, IMO, is that the school has been teaching the same damn curriculum here for almost 30 years. They read the same books we read as kids. You would think that with all the amazing literary works out there they could find some new, relevant material to offer up to our teens. And that's only a piece of the matter.
Despite the IEP and accomodations, tutoring and punishments, rewards systems, etc., we eventually took my dd out of our local public school and sent her to a charter school that is actually far out of our district. Because she is still in special ed, our district has to pay for the transportation and she still receives resource room and tutoring when necessary. I wish I could say that this has changed everything, but it hasn't. She still struggles, but at least she's not trapped in classes with the same kids who have been there since day one and watched her struggle all those years; or, with the same teachers who barely read her file and chalk up her behavior or attitude as simple laziness! No, in the charter school, I am alerted immediately when dd needs help or is in danger of failing. Because most classes are so small the teachers have an opportunity to really get to know the kids and figure out what methods of teaching work best for them. It's really been a positive experience, except that because of the distance, I have to attend monthly parent meetings to stay abreast of all activities going on. The school holds only about 80 student for grades 10,11,12. When dd started there, it was mid-year and she was failing 2 classes. She wound up going to summer school last summer and right now her schedule is loaded, but she's JUST passing all her classes, and really excelling in her writing class. I'm happy with the C's and D's, as long as she's passing and feels that feeling of success, you know?
Have you looked into alternative schools for your son? Is he involved with someone he loves outside of school? I think it's important for our kids to know that his/her academic grades are NOT the only measure or success or happiness. They really need to feel good about something in thier lives and that could be art classes or music, something else they love outside of school.
Speak with your son's guidance counselor and look on line for alternative schooling in and around your area. There may be some magnet schools, charter schools, alternative HS - something that would work for him. My friend's dd goes to HS at night. The girl (17) works by day for about 3-4 hours and then goes to school at a local HS from 3:30-7PM, M-TH. We looked into that for my dd and that's our last resort. DD doesn't want to do that program, which is why I think she is making an effort where she is. At first she missed her local HS, but now she says she will never go back.
Anyway, Kathie, I feel for you - I know how discouraging it is to watch your child just give up. My dd always said she didn't want to to go to college, so now we're looking at technical schools for post HS. I tell her she at least needs a trade to fall back on, otherwise she will be stuck in a dead end job. She's starting to finally consider this option. That's a HUGE step. Hugs~
Jill, I'm sorry you feel some of the same frustrations as I do.
Erin, it's so hard because as you said, once they reach a certain age, you don't really have any control over them.
Hearts, I am sitting here in tears over the fact that you have to go through all of this too.