~*~*QOTW*~*~Would you confront a friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
~*~*QOTW*~*~Would you confront a friend?
9
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 1:31pm

If you found out that someone you considered a friend for years was saying hurtful things about you behind your back, what would you do? Confront them and continue the friendship? Continue the friendship and say nothing? End the friendship and not tell them why? Or would you confront them and then walk away from the friendship?


"When someone we love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure" 0;-)

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-1997
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 2:47pm
I would certainly confront them. Whether the friendship would continue would depend on the reaction I got (defensive or truly sorry) and whether or not she continued to say the hurtful things.

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 9:11am

I once confronted a friend in this capacity. I learned that she had said some things about me, when at the same time I learned that I had been excluded from her wedding celebration (not the wedding party, but the whole event). I was really hurt because up until that point, I had been the ONLY one of her friends or family that was accepting of her fiance - everyone else had voiced their objections every step of the way: he's too young, he's ugly, he's not a hard worker, etc. I was the only one who was supportive when everyone else was not because I tried to see him as she did and they were very much in love.

Anyway, I just called her and asked her about it. She had no explanation but offered an apology. She also said that when I had gotten married the year before she felt excluded and thought that perhaps I didn't feel as close as she thought we were. *The reason she wasn't invited to my wedding is because A) it was only family and B)she and I were not really more than just neighbors at the time. In the year following, we had grown closer.

Anyway, we chalked it up to miscommunication and just put it behind us. We now talk at least everyday on the phone and meet for lunch or shopping sprees about once a month. We've been a great a support for one another and we're the best of friends. We tell eachother everything, even if it means the risk of hurting the other - we're honest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 9:41am

Actually... I would love to say stand up to her and leave it be... but I know thats not true.

A friend of mine... we have been friends for about 11 years. I now babysit her son and all this jazz. But apparently she doesnt like my "domestic" lifestyle. She thinks my respect for my DH and my true joy for the life I have now translates into being controlled by my DH and being "boring". Well.. if it werent for my "domestication" she wouldnt even have a babysitter. She is a bit of a party girl... despite the fact that shes a mom. Her DH and her just celebrated their 1 yr wedding anniversery on January 30th and they are already seperated. Go figure. There is a whole HUGE story but to save my fingers and your minds... I will just say on top of what I mentioned above she can also be very disrespectful to my face and take advantage of me. I have confronted her on the takeing advantage thing... and she is getting better... but the talking mess thing... I cant say anything, b/c then I will get a really close friend of both of ours in trouble for ratting her out. The sad thing is, is that she even talks mess to me about the mutual friend who told me. Anyways...shes just a drama queen... and the best way to handle a drama queen is to ignore her drama!

So I guess it depends on the person and the situation for me.

Shannon<3

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 11:51am

I would have to confront the person. I'm the type of person, who if left alone to stew about the issues I'd blow up at the person for no reason. I'd have to say how much it hurt right away and find out why they are saying trash about me. If that person I was someone I didn't know very well, I'd ignore it and possibly confront them later. That person is just probably stupid anyway and didn't know me.

It's sad how women treat each other sometimes.
Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 5:47am

I agree Ann, I think it would depend on their reaction and whether or not they continued to do it.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 3:14pm

That's unfortunate that this happened with the wedding, but it sounds like you ended up with a great friendship and it's wonderful that the two of you share so much with each other.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 4:25pm

I can understand your situation.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 4:35pm

Yes Amanda, it is sad how some women treat other women.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:47am

That would depend on what they were saying , but on all fronts Iwould definitely confront the person. Then depending on her reaction and defense and the type of thing she was saying