Vacation w/o H & kids

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Vacation w/o H & kids
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Tue, 01-25-2005 - 10:52am

Has anyone here ever taken a vacation without thier spouse and children? I'm just looking for some perspective on this. My 2 sisters and I want to go on a women's (sisters) only vacation, not even sure where yet, but we're starting to make some plans - no kids, no H's. We're all spread out in age and we've never been together, just us, to have fun as sisters without our respective families, so I'm really very excited about the possibility! This is not a party-down vaca, we're not looking to 'score' or do anything risque - just be together, drink margaritas, soak in a hot tub, and relax. I've saved the money on my own (my H and I keep our money separate anyway) so I don't really see the problem. If my H wanted to go on a vaca with his brother or sister, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all and he knows this because there have been times when it's come up but he always says no, "not without you and the kids". I really didn't think H had a problem with me going up until last night.

So things are really kind of sucking for H, based on what he tells me, regarding his contracted jobs, and last night, after receiving a bad call, he simply says, "That's a lot of money for a vacation." I had never even mentioned money at all - I never had a price because we have no solid plans so I really didn't know what he was talking about. So I asked him, "What do you mean?" and he said it again and then isolated himself in our bedroom all night.

I think his comments are just a knee jerk response to his other stuff he has going on, but it still stinks and it made me wonder if I was being unreasonable to take a vaca with my sisters without him or my kids (who are teens btw, and will likely be away that same week). So, any thoughts? IS he just being a baby or am I being selfish?

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Registered: 12-12-1997
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 12:38pm

Well, I've taken a vacation w/o my husband, but it was WITH my daughter, LOL. She's in her 20's, though, so it was more like vacationing with a friend than my kid.

We had a great time! And my dh was very encouraging about it.

Talk to your dh again about it. Tell him it would be your money and that you aren't going to meet someone, just to bond with your sisters. And tell him you really want to do it. Hopefully he'll come around and support you in this.


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Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 9:11am

Honestly I see nothing wrong with you going with your sisters. My cousins went to Cancun this winter, all 6 of them, and they had a blast. I would love to take a vacation with my sister just the two of us. We have talked about it, maybe in a few years. Dh may just be feeling left out. I would talk with him and let him know this is something you really want to do, or even need, to reconnect with your sisters. Also explain that is won't effect your finances as you have already saved the money and nothing will be taken out of your account for bills. He should come around. Good luck and let us know how it comes out.

Jan

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Registered: 12-15-2003
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 10:23am

Hi heartsandroses, welcome to our board. :))

Snowman Siggy

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Wed, 01-26-2005 - 4:22pm

Thanks everyone - I think you're all right. I should be able to go without feeling guilty. And I do think my H is feeling left out. I guess I should admit that I am feeling a little resentful of his feeling left out because we're always saying that we should plan a nice trip just for us without the kids, and God knows we can do it as far as time and money goes, but we never seem to. He always puts his work first and will never make the time to go away with me someplace special so now that I am doing it with my sisters, he's annoyed. Wouldn't that bug you? I feel like he has no right to feel left out. After all, he's the one who has basically jackknifed every plan I've tried to make for just us. But, I also realize that talking about it would be best. He will focus on the money aspect anyway because he'd rather do that than admit that he's feeling a little left behind. And I have to try to let go of my resentments and just stick to the goal at hand - get a break away with my sisters! *We've scaled down our trip so it's not too long and not too expensive.*

Thanks for all your thoughts on this.

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Registered: 07-02-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 8:01am

Dear heartandroses2002,

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 8:21am

Well, thanks norsk - that's exactly what I'm talking about. He ISN'T interested really. He says he is, but for instance, last night I picked up the vacation brochures and said,

"So, how about we plan OUR vacation without kids?" and his response was, "I don't have money for vacations. I'd have a hard time getting away from work this year for sure (every year it seems), and besides, I want to do an addition on the house (something he's talked about for 9 years) NO, we can't go anywhere."

This is year in and year out. When he sees someplace featured in the paper or magazine he acts like he wants to go, but then when I check it out he backs out. I'm tired of wasting all this time not doing anything. I'm tired of wasting all my vacation time visiting family or doing 'day trips' - I want to live it up and have fun! I'd like to do it with him, but he's too busy putting obstacles in his way. Every vacation we've successfully gone on was because I simply went ahead and planned it and told him when to show up, whether it be flying, camping, visiting family - visiting my family is something I do more and more of without him. The whole time we're there, he looks penned in, bored and it ruined my time, so I started going without him...I even encouraged him to visit his family without me, but he won't.

At least he was a little more encouraging last night about my trip with my sisters - as I think he realized that I wasn't giving up on it. He even made some suggestions. We're making progress....Thanks

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Registered: 07-02-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 8:17pm
Well, heartsandroses, It looks like your husband is much like mine. And I agree with you. I want memories. You seem to really understand and I appreciate that. I intend to have another awesome time on the east coast
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Fri, 01-28-2005 - 8:31am

I've been to several different areas of Florida and by far, along the Gulf coast is my favorite part. We went to St. Pete's Beach on TReasure Island last April and it was just gorgeous! There are amusement type parks to visit, nature stuff, and glorious relaxing beaches, if that's your thing (it is mine). When the tide went out, my 15dd and I went out and found live startfish and sand dollars! It was so great! The sunsets were amazing & at night, you can go down to Clearwater Beach and listen to music or eat out on a beach deck - really great fun. At the end I said I would love to come back and my H said, "Not me" because he prefers waves to the gulf waters. The gulf water is so warm and gentle - I find it relaxing and soothing. He likes ocean waves. I was there on business later in the summer by myself and I can't even describe how perfect it was to walk along the beach at night and just feel the warm water lapping at my ankles. Talk about letting your day slip away!

I am originally from NY, though not the city, and I was just thinking last night that NYC would be a perfect place for me and my sisters to plan a long weekend, see a show, visit family, hit Jones Beach, walk through museums and shops along 5th Ave. Have fun - there is so much to see and do, it never gets old!

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Registered: 07-02-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 9:11am
Dear heartsandroses, Florida sounds wonderful. I can hardly wait to get there. I happened to notice on my pay stub that I have 160 vacation hours this year. New York is a must and by the way if you should happen to get to Nj there is a place called Cape May. It is on the beach and the shops are victorian style. The Lobster House is a neat place. I will ask my son to take us to Clearwater. A weekend in New York sounds like a perfect idea for you and your sisters. I think that is a perfect idea. How soon are you going? Norsk59
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Fri, 01-28-2005 - 11:04am

I can't believe you mentioned Cape May! That's where I wanted to go originally - I've always wanted to go there. My H, kids and I were supposed to go camping there last year, but it fell apart before we made our plans. Yeah, Cape May is on my travel list.

Our trip is for some time in July. I actually went on to the NYC travel web page and found a great package for my sisters and I. It would be about $375 for each of us to stay in an upscale hotel for 3 nights, plus see a broadway show, plus get two dinners at good restaurants. I didn't want to overbook us because not sure what else we want to see and explore. The plans aren't final = still waiting to hear back from the sisters to see if they are intested. One of them is very interesting in going to NYC - she grew up there so she totally loves it. Another sister is afraid of NYC, so not sure if she'll be on board.

Thanks for chatting with me about this. My H seems to have a better outlook now that he know he can't manipulate me into cancelling my plans, and also since I convinced him to make plans for just us as well. Maybe WE'LL get to Cape May!

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