Wednesday's Woes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Wednesday's Woes
6
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 5:56am

Morning everyone :)


What's on your mind today?

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 8:34am

I could write a book about this question lately.... I'm stressed out in general because we will be relocating and now it seems that the place we were intending to relocate to isn't going to be final destination......
Today, what is frustrating is that I have one month back here to get everything ready since we'll be gone for 3 months (june - sept), and I'm trying to spruce up the garden and backyard (today is my planned terrace and porch, walkway, cobblestone and driveway ) powerjet spray day and I am hung up on the quiet hrs impossed here.... No noise between the hrs of 6pm to 10 am and then 12 noon to 3 pm... which leaves not much time...... I'm ready to jump out of my skin with consderationfor my neighbors! 2 hrs in the morning to work is next to nothing...... hahahahah

Thanks for asking the question,,,as I said I could write a book....I'm not in the best mood today, which is really rare for me......

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-1997
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 8:57am

Hmm... not much is stressing me out. Well, maybe that I'm slipping on my food plan and have gained back a little of the weight I lost. I've got to get a grip on that - and back into regular exercise! (I worked too hard to lose what weight I have lost! I WON'T go back there! LOL).

As for what's on my mind today, my daughter! She's coming here this evening and will stay the whole weekend!

Oh! Here's another little, silly worry.... I've agreed to babysit tomorrow for my dd's friend's 1 yo while they go help their friend pick out wedding flowers. I'm seriously worried I've forgotton what to do with a 1 yo! It's been 26 years! I hope it's like riding a bike, and it'll come to me when I need it to, LOL!


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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 11:41am

Okay, you asked for it......Thankfully, my 15dd is home and relatively safe, not lying in a ditch raped and left for dead. But she could have been. This is the dd that has tourettes, adhd, ocd, and generalized anxiety disorder - it's no surprise that she makes impulsive and not well thought out decisions but I never in my wildest imagination would think this scenario was possible.

Apparently, a man searching profiles on line came upon her AOL profile, found her cute and KNEW she was 15 and contacted her anyway....she obviously said some things on her profile about baseball which he used as common ground and they IMes each other...eventually the IM's turned sexual. (*Note: I have posted about the provocative nature in which teens these days talk on line...like they think its harmless because between eachother they know nothing will come of it) - obviously, my dd didn't or couldn't differentiate between her 15/16 y/o friends and this 28 y/o who took everything she said very seriously. Anyway, he asked her to go to a baseball game with her (3 hours away from home!). She agreed and the plan was set in motion. She deceived us and lied to us about her whereabouts on Saturday. In my gut, I recall, on Saturday morning, I knew that she was lying, but never did I think of anything like this. Anyway, this guy picked her up down the street from our home, I even checked in on her at her friend's house minutes before and since she was actually there, I went out to an appt and errands. Later that day, I called her cell and asked to speak with her friend's mom. She hung up on me and turned off her cell. It was after that call that the creep pulled off the road and tried to sexually assault my dd. He forced his hands down her pants and slobbered all over her neck and straddled her. She said NO 4 times and squirmed away, jumped into the back seat and then back into the front seat. He exposed himself and asked for oral sex. She said NO again. He got pissed and drove some more and then dropped her at the end of our street. It wasn't until 5 PM when one of her little friends who knew the plan (but never thought she'd go through with it) called me and told me. We immediately went to the police and within 60 minutes, we found out his name, address, cell phone number, year, make and model of his car. An APB was put out on him and cars were sent to his house to wait. At this point we were told to go home and wait. Within about an hour, my dd walked through the door hysterical crying and ran to her room. Of course, my H's first reaction was, "Are you f*ckin' nuts? What were you thinking". My first reaction was to grab her and take her to her room alone and ask if the guy did anything. The police came to the house, and got my dd's statement...later she had to go to the hospital for a Rape Kit - a horrifying experience in and of itself.

We later learned that the guy was a 2X felon, with charges from earlier sexual assault of a minor & a weapons charges in federal prison. He had done jail time for this, he lived with his fiance and the police are relatively sure that he is a predator and they've confiscated our computer, dd's cell phone and the fiance's computer, since that's what he likely used to lure my dd. They are hoping to find evidence to keep him in jail a long time. He is being held on $100,000, which means he only has to come up with $10,000...something he claims he cannot do, so hopefully he has been remanded and will sit tight in a cell until his hearing.

My dd has slowly related more and more to me...all I can say is that H and I took all the precautions, we monitored her internet use, she was limited to 1 hour a day, I checked her cell often for new numbers, we were very careful about who she was with and where she was. It wasn't enough. Once I get my computer back (I am at work now) I am removing the internet and she no longer has a cell. It's been a very rough couple of days and I am reaching out for support. Just keep her in your thoughts. These kids so desperately want to be adults and they simply don't understand that they are not ready yet. I think my dd has a clue now. My older dd(17) couldn't believe it when we got the call and she's had a hard time being there for her sister because she was so angry with her. I think things will be okay, it's just going to take time. There is a part of me that feels we did all we could to prevent this, but there is another part that feels we didnt' do enough. I guess like all parents I look within to see what I could have done differently that day, so I carry some guilt. My dd sees a counselor and he is helping her move forward. I spoke with her friends that knew and told them that while I didn't hold them responsible in any way for not telling us, I hoped they learned a lesson from this - they were not protecting my dd by keeping her secret. She could be raped or dead. Thank GOD that her one friend did call us, albeit after she had already been gone several hours. And thank GOD that dd is okay and alive and home. She fluctuates between young woman and little girl...it's been very hard to deal with.

Anyway, please use this to remind your teens how careful they have to be on line, about sharing too much information on any online profiles or journals, and about talking to strangers (how many times have I done this since forever?!?!?).

Edit: I forgot to mention that he deliberatly rented a car that day so his car couldn't be traced!! Scary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:36pm

I could write a book about this question lately.... I'm stressed out in general because we will be relocating and now it seems that the place we were intending to relocate to isn't going to be final destination......


May I ask why you are relocating and why it won't be your final destination?

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:41pm

I hear you on the weight issues Ann.

Snowman Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 10:27pm

Wow Hearts, what a scary thing your daughter and the rest of the family has gone through.

Snowman Siggy