What Do You Think?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What Do You Think?
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 1:07am

Hi everyone,

I wasn't sure where else to post this. I was just wondering what you think of this...

My close male friend always dates women who are the exact opposite of what he claims he wants in a women. Then the relationship fails and he's sad. For instance, he has told me numerous times how he wants a girl who is independent, ambitious, and has a nice even temperment. However, his current girlfriend yells at her child, is clingy, throws tantrums in public, threatens to poison his pet bird, has bad manners, gets mad if he does anything she can preceive as making her feel dumb, with holds sex (he told me it's been over three months now), and with held the fact that she was still married when they first got togeather (she had seperated from her husband then divorced him to be with my friend...and he didn't find out untill after the fact). The weird thing is is that she did this knowing that my friend already had a girlfriend at the time. However, his girlfriend was a bisexual and thought it would be nice to have another girl in the mix (she made him agree to allowing her to see other people or she would leave). Well, his first girlfriend left him and I thought that he would break up with the other one since she was more or less there due to being with the first girlfriend. He didn't though even though he has stated before he would never want to marry her and have children with her and I know for a fact how much he wants a family. He also stated that it was his first girlfriend he wanted to make a life with.

I don't understand. To me it seems like she just brings him down. He told me he can't talk to her about anything unless it's something like where to go out to eat, or what her friends are up to, etc. So, no deep conversations about anything. My friends girlfriend is nice and I know that some things might be difficult for her since she is bipolar and gets anxiety. Also, my friend had been abused by his mom while growing up. She use to beat him. Could this be part of why he always chooses women with so many emotional issues that cause him to have to dedicate so much time to caring for them? Whenever he talks about his girlfriends he always seems like he had to help them through major life events. Also, he always meets his girlfriends due to them seeing him at a bar or party and practically throwing themselves at him or stalking him. He never really actively seeks a womens affection.

Extra info: My Friend lives with his dad, is a smoker, drinks heavily on occasion, distrusts women, has a dead end job that he hates, is in his early thirties and has low selfesteem.

Well thats my rant. Sorry so long. Any advice, comments, etc is appreciated. thanks.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 9:05pm
Good you can be there for your friend,
does sound like he is a bit too attached to his dad .. kwim?
Good luck & keep us updated on your freind :smileyhappy:

Avatar for grammyellen
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2007
In reply to:
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 4:32pm

i'm kind of like hugs and don't really know what to say.

seems your friend really doesn't have a clue what he wants if he is gravitating to women who are the complete opposite of what he says he wants. he seems to be living a destructive lifestyle, in that his present girlfriend is not very nice.

there is not much you can do other than be supportive and listen when he wants to talk. also try not to pass judgements as this could drive him away from you.

sorry, couldn't be more help.


Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to:
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:24am
Welcome to the board :smileyhappy:

Well honestly am not sure what to say ,
Seems he needs to decide for himself what he wants & figure how the how to so to speak.
The gal he is with does not sound very nice yet he is choosing to stay with her so that is his choice.
Not much you can do about that.
With him being the age he is & living with his dad still ..
Doesn't sound like he is too responsible.
Hopefully others will have some input.
Good luck with your friend :smileyhappy: