Do you compare yourself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Do you compare yourself?
5
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:36pm

I read an interesting tid bit today online that I thought would be fun to bounce off of you all. It was a post in another expecting club that I am not active in but can see through my phone app. A girl was talking about how hard it is to not compare yourself to other mommas out there. Be it the new momma who loses all the weight and looks spectacular post partum, or the momma who somehow manages to juggle one million arts and crafts activities with her little ones that you'd never even think of. I know we all do it. When I was pregnant with DS1 I had a friend at the time who was also pregnant with her first. She seemed to have no fears, no concerns, and no worries over having a baby. Her delivery was pain free with the epidural and she seemed 100% confident in herself as a parent. I always wondered how the heck she did it. Turns out, she is an awful parent and should never have been as confident as she was in her own abilities. A little doubt would do her a heck of a lot of good.

This brings me to my point I guess. In response to the original poster everyone offered up this advice first: Don't compare yourself to others! But you know, I think that might be something that has helped me to be a better parent. I think looking at others and comparing my approach or my kids' attitudes, etc has helped me to adjust or step forward on things I might have been slacking on. How do you guys feel about this?

Photobucket<

Avatar for chriscanuck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 12:44am
I think it depends on how the comparisons make you feel about yourself. If you look at what someone else is doing and take something positive from the experience to implement in your life then I think that can be great. If the comparison ends up making you feel bad about yourself or like there is something wrong with you then I don't think that is healthy. Being open to learning is a great quality to have but constant self-criticism can be such a killer so I really think it depends on the situation.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2011
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 11:39pm
Part of your post reminds me of one I saw on another board, comparing your body to others after giving birth and sharing how everyone's is different. It was really inspirational as far as accepting how your body may have changed but (most people's) perspective also changed to see yourself in a different light. Even though bodies changed and were not exactly the way they were before, you do what you can and work on accepting your new body. I hope that made sense. Most people posted pictures of themselves pre-pregnancy, about to deliver, and various stages post-pregnancy. It was a great thread, and awesome to see women not being so critical of themselves, this is something I've struggled with in the past even though I've always been relatively thin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2011
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 11:31pm
Im a totally different parent now, then when I had my first baby. I was 19 when I got preg. And 20 when I had him...and now im 40. Im am totally different. Im relaxed. We don't do all the activities I did with my first...like playdates and library reading days...but im way more patient as a mom.
none of us are perfect....and the ones that think they are probably are the worst.
I have to pray alot for strength and patients....;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 11:03pm
Very well said! It does make you feel positive to have a leg up on something, which we all need every now and again, and I think it's really good for us to try and reach beyond the trenches we dig ourselves into sometimes. One of the biggest things for me has been that early on when DH and I were first married we decided not to have cable/dish/satellite, etc for our TV. We own a TV, have a wii, and a DVD player but that's it. This was further instilled in me as important when, during pregnancy and infancy with DS1, I would see how many people I knew used the TV as a babysitter. I think this makes us spend more quality time together.

On the other hand, I have always been kind of bad at stepping out of the box and taking the kids into the creative realm. The thing that has helped me with that has been DS1's school work, because it includes craft/game ideas. Sometimes I have forced myself to do those things, or get up and drive the kids out on a museum day even though I haven't been gung ho for it at first.

Photobucket<

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:48pm

I agree with you. We are always going to compare ourselves, its human nature. I think by seeing what others do it gives us an opportunity to perfect our parenting style, if that's even possible LOL. When we take note of something we feel we do better, i.e.. Keep a neater home, it also makes us feel good about ourselves and if we see something we wish we did better, i.e.. Amazing crafts, we can take note and attempt to be better at that. By watching some of my mom friends parent I've learned different tricks to calm a baby and when I see one of my friends lose it a little, I take solace that I'm not alone!!