OT: I just need to vent...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2008
OT: I just need to vent...
8
Tue, 11-01-2011 - 4:44pm

I'm beyond pissed at my mother right now. On Satruday we got hit with a HUGE snow storm, we were slammed with over 2 feet of heavy, wet snow. We lost power around 10:30pm Sat night and I immediately sent my mom and dad a text message asking if they had power (they're divorced and live in different towns). My mother responded and said that she just got hers back and hoped the same would happen to us. I replied stating that I was more concerned about my 13 month old DD being cold. Both of my parents have a generator to run the essentials if the power goes out. She never offered to have us come over if we needed to. My father, was asleep and didn't have his phone next to him but when he got up at 2:30 in the morning to use the bathroom, checked his phone and got right back to me. Of course he told us to come over whenever we wanted or needed to and he'd take care of us. My mother never called to check on us the next day. She didn't call Monday morning, but instead called me late Monday afternoon and just complained how she got power and lost it several times and how she couldn't run her conference call for work because she didn't have internet. SEROIUSLY??? You're calling your pregnant daughter, bitching about how you can't work from home because you don't have internet? You don't care to know how your granddaughter is doing? I've had issues in the past with my mother and I not getting along due to her selfish ways, but she really stepped it up and made more of an effort since I've had DD. Guess I was wrong! I'm just so hurt that she has more than enough room in her house to accomdate me, DH, and DD and chooses to not care. My father went above and beyond to help us out...which he ALWAYS does. I'm usually the bigger person (I always have to be with her) but I really just want to punish her and not let her see DD whenever she decides makes an attempt to contact me again.

Sorry for the vent, I'm just so angry!!

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Avatar for chriscanuck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Tue, 11-01-2011 - 5:43pm
That is really frustrating! Do you have power back yet? I couldn't imagine being without power that long and trying to care for a baby. That would be so difficult. I am sorry that your mom is such a disappointment but I am glad that your dad is there for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 11-01-2011 - 11:42pm
It's rough when you have family members, especially close ones, that don't always think to reach out a helping hand. Maybe she is quite honestly and ego centric type person? Could the fault be that her personality is highly concerned with self to the point that she would, not out of malice, have not thought to mention lending a helping hand unless you'd asked for one? I'm just playing devil's advocate, as you know your mom better than anyone. The best I can go off of is that i know my family is sort of selfish in that respect and it wasn't something i noticed until I had the sharp contrast of DH's family to look at. It didn't mean they loved us any less, but it is an attitude that hurts. I hope that is a little food for thought and that you feel better having vented. It helps to let it out!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 8:27am

I can completely relate to you only it is dh's mother who is this way. So hopefully it at least helps you to know that you are not alone! In dh's mother's case she can be asked but it doesn't mean she will do it!

Dh was deployed two years ago to Iraq and came back last Spring. His mom lives all the way across the country and I thought it would be nice of her to fly out to see him at his welcome home party. I EVEN OFFERED TO PAY FOR HER TICKET. She came back with, "Oh, work is really busy right now so I don't think I can make it. Sorry." Not to mention she never called me ONCE to see how he was doing or how me and the girls were doing. I gave out his address to her and she didn't even send him so much as a card while he was deployed.

The thing we have to realize is that we are lucky that we are not this way. We are better than this. If we were to act like this it wouldn't make us better people, we'd be the same. The good thing is that there are other people in our lives who do care about us and love us. We finally gave up on his mom and our kids ever having a relationship with her. We used to try and call every now and then but most of the time we got the voicemail. And whenever she did answer she would be mad at us for not calling her more often! It took me a long while to finally just let it go. I guess it was because my own mom is the complete opposite that I couldn't understand why anyone would act this way. But people aren't perfect, we all have our faults, some more obvious or hurtful than others. Once you are able to accept the fact that she will never change it will make your life better for YOU. And that is the person who ultimately counts!

 


Karen



 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 9:25am

I'm very sorry you are having to go through this, unfortunately some people just dont' understand that their family should come first and lack the initiative to make that effort come out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2008
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 11:26am
Thanks ladies! I don't know why I'm so surprised by this, I know how she can be. It just seemed like she had been making more of an effort to be involved and help when she could...guess it was only short lived. I'm very thankful I have other family I can count on. Now I'm going to have to figure out a backup plan when I have my u/s. I was going to have my mother watch DD since children aren't allowed but now I don't know if I can depend on her to do it, nor do I even want her watching DD at this point.

And I finally got my power back yesterday!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 12:53pm

How frustrating!

Liz DD (4) & DS (EDD 4/30) Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 12:56pm
Glad you have your electricity back on! But what a hard situation, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that with your mom. :( I do hope things improve for the relationship.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 1:17pm
vent away! my mom gets super selfish at times too and I just have to tune her out or ignore her. It's hard but it's how I've learned to cope.

I'm sorry you got slammed with the snow. Hopefully things are back to normal for you guys soon!
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