Family members who are closed-minded

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Family members who are closed-minded
4
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 8:52pm

It is very, very, very hard when you love someone who is closed minded. Though I dearly adore this extended family member in particular, I find my love of her warring with my lack of respect for some of her opinions. Has anyone else experienced this? I am loathe to admit this, but she is racist and a homophobe. I've got no clue where in the world she developed these opinions because there is no one else in my family like it. She is one of those people who is very opinionated as well. She believes I am far too lenient on my children because I don't always make them do everything for my convenience. I believe in raising children that there is a time for self sacrifice and a time to make sure you carve out for yourself. I don't think it always has to be about me and what I want to do. If my son doesn't want to ride in the wagon on a walk, I'm not going to make him. It's suposed to be fun and enjoyable, and my forcing him to ride in the thing kicking and screaming is not either. If my 16 month old is squealing in joy as he walks down the hallway, I don't think I have to punish him and hush him out because the sound is loud or high pitched. Above all, I don't like the way she talks about her opinons on other people around my kids. We are a multiracial family and I am not at all sure how she thinks it is not hurtful or degrading to act like anyone who isn't white is some how less? Or to act like being gay is an abomination? Anyone else ever experience this sort of thing in interaction with other people? I'm ashamed that it is someone in my family--even extended--and find my love and affection for her at odds with her beliefs. :-/

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 2:50pm
I think you're exactly right.

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Avatar for chriscanuck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 2:49pm
That is really unfortunate. It sounds like one of those situations where she is going to end up isolating herself due to her negative comments and there is nothing you can do about it. I would try to keep a loving relationship but also have some distance so her negativity doesn't affect the kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 1:49pm
I usually make it obvious that I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, agree. However, this is family and I can't just completely distance myself from the love I have. Unfortunately I am finding it very complex. She would never change her opinions or behave for others. She is one of those people who is never the culpable party. If this sounds like a personality you would never want to be around, trust me I feel the same. If she wasn't family and there wasn't that familial affection I would never be around her. I just don't get how she feels like it's okay to be completely derogatory. Her own daughter can't stand to be around her because of how she acts about the way she raises her kid. I am worried preemptively because my niece is half Colombian and I she often says derogatory remarks about hispanics. My sisters are Asian, and she says things there too. She has no regard for the fact that she is the one outside of normal. I grew up in a melting pot area because it was a military community. In the military we are all equal--it's a life or death thing--who cares about your ethnicity?! That's how I want my kids to be. I hate to have them even over hear someone saying snide racial things. It's completely uncomfortable :-/

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Avatar for chriscanuck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 11:19am
I have had some experiences like that. I finally had to say that I understood everyone was entitled to their own opinions but hers made me very uncomfortable and for the sake of our relationship she should try to keep them to herself. It did improve a bit but not completely. It sucks and I'm sorry you are going through that ((hugs))

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