things are crazy here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
things are crazy here!
11
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 8:26am

So, for those of you who remember- I was trying for a homebirth but Nj state laws made it a PITA so I decided I would go to PA - 2 1/2 hours away, and give birth out there in the birthing facility that my MW set up. well, I just hatr the drive. hate it. And I know its prob worth it to get the birth I want *but* she isnt flexible at all about how often I have prenatals and such and driving out there jsut SUCKS. So... i'm considering scrapping it all together. NJ is a *bad* state for VBAC's. We have the highest CS rate in the country, the highest maternal death rate in the country and one of the lowest successful VBAC rates. My last baby was a VBAC, though, so I know if the hospital isnt a PITA and gives me the chance I CAN vbac. But I am really nervous about making this switch.

On top of all of this... DH's 22yr old brother got thrown off his motorcycle on Thursday night and his head was run over by a car. He has had to have 2 brain surgeries over the weekend, is in a coma, and we still dont know if he is going to live. Things are VERY stressful and heartbreaking right now. In the midst of my BIL possibly dieing... or living but being in a vegetative state or having severe dissabilities... nothing else jsut seems to matter that much anymore. Before this week me having my homebirth seemed worth any obstatical and now... it just isnt. It's inconvenient for me, my kids, my DH and the people I need to babysit for me to go to PA to birth. It's more expensive for DH and myself. and I may be able to do the same thing right here in NJ... just in the stupid, sterile, over protocalled hospital who doesnt let moms birth naturally long enough to have successful VBACs. (lol- really... I love hospitals.. haha)

anyways, over all... I could use some P&PTs for me and my family (esp BIL!) that we make it thru this hard time and that DH and I make the right decisions for us and our fam while dealing with everything else. thx

-Bess--- mom to Eve and Ariel
http://mommakesmilk.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 8:52pm
How are things going now? Any update on the BIL? How are you settling in with the new practice you're using?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 8:20pm
Thinking of you and your family Bess. How heartbreaking for sure. *hugs*
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 2:05pm

Not too much. he is still being kept in a medically induced coma. They want to start reconstructive surgery on his face (the entire left side of his face was crushed by the car) on Thursday so they have been working on getting tubes out of his mouth bc they need to be able to work through his mouth at times. So his feeding tube was placed into his stomach and tomorrow they move his oxygen tubes to his throat. Hopefully all that goes well and thursday they begin major reconstructive surgery (they said it will take them 6 different surgeries to complete and the first one of thursday will take about 8 hours and include 3 different surgical teams).

other than that, no changes. his body reacts to be messed with. Like, if the nruses start messing with his head bandages or do anything that is probably hurting him his arms and legs start going and he tried to whack the nurses. He is still unconscious, though. The nurses said they have to up his sedation meds because he is so young and strong that he is metabolizing them quickly and building a resistance

-Bess--- mom to Eve and Ariel
http://mommakesmilk.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 1:55pm
I meant bil. Darn auto correct on this phone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 1:54pm
Any more news on your bills condition?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 10:40pm
Oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry to hear you guys are having to go through this with your BIL. He did make some poor choices, sure, but it doesn't help. I hope he pulls through it all...maybe it will be a good life lesson for everyone who he knows? Ugh, that breaks my heart. I hope things improve. :( *hugs*
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 10:20pm
Wow I am so sorry about your BIL. What a sad way for his life to turn out. I hate motorcycles.

I hear you on the birthing options. I had a fantastic midwife with my last few pregnancies and had a wonderful home birth with my 4th baby. We moved somewhere new and in order to have midwife care I would have to drive at least an hour. At the end of my pregnancies I tend to go at least a week over so that would mean me driving back and forth several times a week. It just wasn't going to work for me or the rest of the family so I am stuck going on the traditional medicine route. I am just trying to tell myself that as long as I have a healthy baby that is the most important part.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 9:25pm
Oh man...ew. Yuck. I'm just not even sure that's the kind of thing you would want to survive. It sounds horrendous. I can't fathom what on earth would make you feel like it was a good idea to drive around drunk--ever. :( A sad cautionary tale.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 8:05pm

My BIL is in really really bad condition. He was riding drunk without a helmet, being a showoff infront of his stupid drunk friends. His head was run over by the tire of the car that hit him. His skull smashes open and his brain was coming out of his head. They had to cut off the part of it that was on the road and got infected with dirt and oil and whatever else is on the road. He has a 6 inches of skull missing now. the entire left side of his head was smashed. his jaw is broken, his cheek bone is broken, his forhead shattered, and the bones of the eye socket shattered. Also, there was a bleed on the other side of his brain too from it hitting the road. His body is, amazingly, unharmed. His body wasnt hit by the car, just his head...and is only bruised and scratched from when it hit the road. They have no idea what he will be like when he wakes, though. They know the part of the brain that effects communication was effected but until he is awake we just wont know to what extent and they are keeping him under sedation because the pain he is in (even with all the drugs) is just not enough to make him comfortable and it's better that he is under right now for his comfort and safety until more surgery has been done to get him stabilized.

-Bess--- mom to Eve and Ariel
http://mommakesmilk.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 7:16pm
Wow! I'm just sitting here stunned. I literally got to your second paragraph and did a double take. That is *awful* news! :( I will be thinking of you all. That is devastating. Has there been any recent update on your BIL? How is your DH hanging in there? Motorcycles are just not worth it. We've known so many people get in horrific accidents (and get killed) on them. In the good news arena, I have also known someone to survive and do well at recovering from massive head injuries like that so I hope it can happen for your BIL. That's just so terrible.... it does put things in perspective. :( I wish you could have the birth you were looking for but you do have a few good points in relation to possibly scrapping the idea. Making it hard on yourselves and the people who would baby sit is a sacrifice you have to weigh. Good luck on all of it. That's such terrible, terrible news.

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