Need advice with telling someone

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Need advice with telling someone
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 4:05pm

I had a hard time titling this post - and I am not sure that title is really right either.

One of my close friends, she has an office across the hall from me and we do things socially together, has been TTC since I met her 6-7 years ago. Numerous specialists, fertility treatments, lots of input and suggestions from well meaning people. She has been through it all, yet is still on the TTC path. She and her husband want kids SO badly.

Of everyone in my circle of friends and family, she is the one I dread telling the most. I remember when I was TTC my first (we tried only for 13 months comparatively) and it used to tear me up when someone would say, "guess what! I am pregnant!"

And now here I am pregnant with our third and she is still struggling with TTC.

In work I have to deal with people a lot, and giving news good and bad. I have gone through all my "tools" and nothing seems appropriate. I am struggling with how to tell her big time, but also don't want to sweep it aside and not tell her personally either and just "let" her find out from some random friend/coworker.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 10:03pm

I just started lurking here (so you don't know me at all yet!) but I had a similar situation when I was pregnant with My DD. I worked PT at a preschool, and had a co-worker who had lost 2 babies, at 26, and 28 weeks. DD was a surprise and I was dreading telling her. I actually asked her our boss (and her mom) for advice first, but ended up telling her on the way out one day so she didn't have to hold it together for the whole day. She took it well and was very gracious about it, and when I announced it to everyone else the next day she claimed DD for her class when she got old enough. She did get pregnant again shortly after I told everyone and had a healthy pregnancy which made it easier when I actually had DD.

So basically I would try to do it privately, before everyone else. Maybe on a Friday so she has a few days to absorb it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2011
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 8:30am

You are definitley correct in not wanting her to hear it from someone else.

Personally, I wouldn't beat around the bush. Be straightforward and tell her that you are pregnant, but that you understand how hard it is to TTC and have other around you get pregnant, so that you will be sensitive to that fact and not "rub it in".

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 1:42pm

I agree with the others.  Tell her privately.  Since she is a close friend of yours I'd mention that you're trying to be mindful of her feelings while including her in your news.  I definitely wouldn't let it come from someone else first.  As long as you're upfront and honest and take her feelings into consideration, you should be fine.  Good luck!