Sad about expecting. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Sad about expecting. :(
13
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 12:33am

Hi Ladies..I have only posted a few times but I am having a really hard time with this pregnancy.

I will love having a new baby, but pregnancy is very difficult and I have morning sickness and I'm all hormonal- ooh, just not going well right now.

 

I have 3 kids (ages 7, 3, and 1) and this was unplanned, but very wanted. I think I would feel better about having another if I had more support from family. My husbands family doesn't believe people should have more than 2 kids and many of our friends don't even have children yet, or want them. The people we have told have made stupid jokes about "you know what causes that" or " when WILL you be done" or reminders that we should be repsonsible with our fertility. 

 

It just makes me sad...why can't they be happy for us? We want all our children and we feel blesed to be given such precious little lives. I already don't enjoy being pregnant, so it just makes it all the harder rying to defend myself to people who should love us. 

 

How do you deal with people that say rude things about your pregnancies (or how would you hande it if it did happen)?

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 3:07am

We have four kids already 12 , 7,2,1...and April 2013. The first thing I don't tell anyone that is going to give me heartache, my husbands mom etc.. No one pays my bills, babysits my children except the 12 year old who lives with us from my husbands earlier relationship.. I just tell them I don"t care what they do in their bedroom so stay out of mine.. and our 2  (6-02-10)an 1 (5-26-11) yr old are 11 months apart birth control baby..Nobody is perfect and how you and your husband decide to have your household is your choice. I  have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue but guess who takes the kids to baseball and boy scouts not the relatives who want to criticize.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 1:37pm

The hormones of pregnancy are enough to have you up and down as it is, let alone the rude comments.  Try not to be too hard on yourself about the lack of excitement right now.  MS is hard to deal with as it is.  Early on, I heard all the comments as well, including from my own family members (brother, Mom, etc).  This is my second marriage (my older two girls are from my first).  Dh and I are both 37 and wanted to be done before age 40.  This is our second together, and we wanted the same age spread as the first two (roughly 2 years).  I also have thyroid disease and was recently diagnosed with having Rheumatoid Arthritis.  So I wanted to be done before things got really rough with my body.  I go to the grocery store and get stares all the time.  Most people smile at my crew, but recently I had a woman start counting my children OUT LOUD as I rounded the corner.  Normally I am slow on my reactions, but in this instance I didn't miss a beat.  As she got to 3, I stuck out my belly and said "4." Lol.  My suggestion for right now, avoid the negative nellies.  Once you feel better about the pregnancy, you'll better be able to handle them.  For now, just focus on taking care of you.  Hugs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 3:17am

I am younger in my 20's and I have 2 children ages 5 and 2. I was on Lo-Overall 28 and got pregnant in March expecting a November baby. That baby died and I had a D&C at the end of April this year. I didn't have a regular cycle back but we tried condoms for a bit so my body could heal. I didn't want to ever try another birth control after going through surgery because of it. Condoms didn't work so well either I guess. Maybe it was because they were all free or cheapies? I am even allergic to latex and put myself through 2 year infections and a UTI to try to escape becoming pregnant. So one night I was absolutely sick of sex with condoms and getting ill going into urgent care with severe yeast infections or UTIs needing antibiotics so I said screw it. We played a game of RPG cards (Magic the gathering, lol), rolled some dice, had some sex and that one night was all it took even though I was still only on day 11 of my cycle. Sometimes there are other plans for your life beyond what we control. I am still in college! I model, I do some TV work where I have a cooking show, and life sometimes just throws a curve ball your way.

My own mother told me to have an abortion this time because I am so sick with morning sickness. Frankly, she tells me to have an abortion with all my kids. She dislikes them all I believe. She never even takes pictures with them or goes to the park with them. I have lost weight and been in the hospital once already for my morning sickness already and when asked how many children I have people are surprised and a little put off I have just 2 little ones. You can't listen to the rudeness of other people. What people don't realize is despite the growing population on earth a lot of that population is aged and in countries like China where there is a cap on births per household/woman the population is aging rapidly whereby the younger will be out numbered by seniors. Since industrialism has been wide spread we have simply lost sight of big families, which used to be considered a down right blessing before modern technology and manufacturing. Now people have like an average of less than 2 kids if they are white in America. You know what that is going to eventually do? Our population of older citizens will out number our young like we fear with the ongoing social security dilemma and who will be there to take care of them? In a nutshell children are our future and not just our genetic future but a future reassurance to help us as we age and continue human-kind.

Just be proud of your children and find a support group of other people who are proud to. Don't listen to ol' sour people who don't know any better. They shouldn't be sticking their nose where it doesn't belong -- in your personal life and business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 3:18am

yeast not year, dumb spell check.

Community Leader
Registered: 11-01-2011
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 7:14pm

It really is a blessing..  even if it's a surprise one :smileywink: 

This is the time you find out who's your friend and who's not...  who's supportive and who's not.

Surround yourself in those that are... and avoid the ones that aren't...  you don't need their drama

and you don't need the extra stress right now

hugs

 

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 1:46pm
Dear Sad, I have six children all grown now but I remember only too well the reaction of a lot of my friends and acquaintances each time I announced my pregnancies and they definitely were NOT all pleasant. But I also felt very blessed. Now I am the proud grandmother of 8 hoping for even more but knowing that God will be the first to make the first Deion about sending more to our children. Grin and bear the upset stomach, sore back, frequency of the bathroom trips because when all is said and done you have in your arms the greatest gift on earth and your children are your treasures of a life well lived! Best Wishes for an easy go from here to the end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2011
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 6:01pm
Hugs to you! I have no advice, but I hope people get their heads out of their butts and are kinder to you. It's no one's business except yours how many children you have. Every child is a blessing and I think it is horrible for anyone to put someone down for bringing another beautiful miracle into this world. Keep your chin up, soon you will have a beautiful baby who they will all want to hold and cuddle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 8:00am
Hey! This forum will probably really help, but one blog I really enjoy reading is Girls Gone Child. It's written by Rebecca Woolf, a 30 year old mother of 4 living in LA. She unpacks all the crap people throw at her for having such a large family (by California standards) & is really encouraging. Just love it. Girlsgonechild.net
 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 11:07pm
I'm sorry that you're having to listen to people's rude comments. I think that often times people do not consider the feelings of others before they speak their minds on issues that they really have no business speaking on in the first place.

I had my first son when I was still in high school and got pregnant with my second when I was 21. Now I'm, 27, fresh out of an abusive relationship, and pregnant with my third (not the same father as the first two). No one has ever been happy to hear that I'm expecting. I believe that, while things have never been easy or anywhere near perfect for me, I've done the best with what I have. My children mean the world to me and I feel blessed to have all three of them.

I understand the pain you feel when those who are supposed to be part of your support system bring you down. They have no business making comments like that to you. I think that if you feel comfortable enough telling them how you feel, then you should. But either way, just remember that when it comes to your life, your opinion is the only one that really matters.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 9:27pm
I am also young too I am still in college in my 20's...