Once again I'm reminded that hubs and I don't have the same approach to parenting...

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Registered: 12-31-1969
Once again I'm reminded that hubs and I don't have the same approach to parenting...
7
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 9:53am

First, just let me say that hubby is great with Zo almost all of the time. He's definitely been a lot more hands on with Zo than he was with the other three when they were little. Libby and I leave her with him all the time to run errands, and he never was that kind of daddy back in the day. So, in that respect, I'm very lucky.

But, Zo is having gas and spitting-up issues, which has led to this new feeding cycle -- eating less at a feeding, but eating all the time it seems. I left a message for the ped about it, and her suggestion was a formula to treat gas. But, as awful as that has been (only here and there, not a constant thing), the spitting up was worse IMO. I mean, LOTS of it, drenching anyone who was feeding/burping her, and several times it came up through her nose. THAT always freaks me out. I'm terrified she's going to choke and I won't be able to help her and she'll die (crazy how a mom's mind works, sometimes, right?). I swear, I feel like a first-time mom sometimes. So I went with a spit-up formula instead and we have gas drops that may or may not be working. It's so hit and miss with her that I'm not sure. But, the spit-up is really going away. Not spitting up nearly as much, and certainly not the volume we were seeing.

Anyhoo, last night she was really fussy. She ate 3 oz, then 3 oz again not an hour later, and then 20 minutes after that she was acting hungry again. But she screws around with the nipple and after a few minutes of that I'm really losing my sense of humor because she's practically screaming, and then he's convinced she's not hungry (she was), that I'm too frustrated, so give her to him. So I do. And then he just proceeds to let her cry. He's got her all swaddled, but she's screaming to high heaven.

I don't do crying, and I think CIO is a load of baloney. When they're 2 and having a tantrum, sure. But when they're 3.5 weeks? No. Wimpering while I'm getting a bottle or while I'm changing her or something like that, yeah, because I'm not an octopus and cannot immediately satisfy her. But, I hustle and she doesn't cry for long. So I'm in the kitchen making more formula and trying to be cool, and then I get it made, make a bottle, and she's WAILING and I insist that he give her to me and then I give her the bottle and BOOM, she's fine. But he's pissed. So he leaves in a huff and Zo and I couch it for the night. Which is fine. And ultimately I don't care at all what he thinks about this aspect of parenting, I really don't. She's our baby 99% of the time, but when she's inconsolable or just really fussy (not often), she's MINE and I'll fix whatever is wrong. And yeah, I DO get frustrated on the rare occasion that any of them have just been in a state, but I've never, that I can recall, gotten upset WITH the babies. It's more about me not being able to fix them and stop the crying.

Crying just breaks my heart. And, maybe it breaks his and he's just better able to deal. I don't know. But I've never done that and it's always been a sore spot with us when he goes that route. I always win out, but it just kills me that he'll even let her cry like that. He wants to help, but that isn't helping. Unless having two crying girls is what he's going for. LOL. Yeah, I am still too postpartum. I get weepy over the silliest things, never mind when it's something like this.

Anyhoo. That's my only real vent about parenting right now. She's still a good baby, and I'm sure we'll get back to some kind of normal schedule with the bottle, and we'll get the gas thing under control. Then, if we could get the bathing thing down to wear it didn't cause her such distress, we'll be golden. :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
They've proven that even screaming crying babies have higher O2 saturation when held by their mothers than when held by others and its WAY higher than when they aren't held :smileyhappy: I held Sean often in the hospital to help with his O2, it was amazing how fast it would help, as soon as we got settled it would jump up.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
I am so grateful that my DH wasn't like that when Quinn was that little. And I'm sure once he's fully healthy (Sean and DH) he won't be like that this time either. If fact I had to convince to allow Quinn to fuss it out when he was 3 months old, he'd got get him as soon as he made the tinest noise. We did a version of CIO, where he could fuss or even fully cry for short intervals, then we would go in and comfort him, but we didn't start that until he was over 3 months. Its what worked for us, but like you, I can't just let them scream for hours on end.

I've actually heard somewhere (I think it was on the show The Doctors on NBC) that the "inventor" of CIO never intended it to be hours on end of screaming baby, but short intervals like I did. I might look around (Google) and see if I can find that.
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