sticky situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2007
sticky situation
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 6:20pm

so, i'm in school full-time (i graduate in may), and DH is a SAHD because other than my financial aid (which, if audited, i would have to prove was used for educational purposes) we have no income.  we live with my FIL, who is 87, a widower, and really needs the extra hands on deck (when we moved in four years ago, there were two inches of dust on everything, the house wasn't insulated, and they were paying $450 a month (on an 800-sq-ft house) for utilities during the coldest month of the year, plus $350-400 on prescriptions (my MIL was still alive at that time; she passed away last year a week before christmas).  we helped them transfer their prescriptions to a better pharmacy where they cost less, worked with their doctors to get them generics and scripts on the $4 list at walmart, my husband insulated the house (although my FIL paid for the materials, the labor was freely given as thanks for allowing us to stay here rent-free).  we use our food stamps to provide all the food for the house.  i have an extremely part time job playing piano at a church which we use to get our diapers, wipes, toiletries, etc. 

like i said, the house is small, and DH, i, the kids (2, ages 4 1/2 and 1 1/2), FIL, and our cat live here.  it's crowded.  but it was always our plan to have three kids, and start trying for #3 this month.  (i have a history of m/c...i had one at the fifth week in between when we had melanie and when we got pregnant for marc so i almost feel bad that we got a BFP on the first try, and when we DTD it was by accident, totally spontaneous.)  well after i went off my BCP, and after we DTD, when i started having SYMPTOMS, DH says to me, "i hope you're not, b/c dad told (SIL) that if you turn up pg again, he's kicking us out."

so the question is, how/when do we break this to dad?  should we have a move-out plan in place before we tell him in case he kicks us out?  i understand his feeling overcrowded, and having his TV pre-empted for nick jr (because we only have digital cable in the living room), and stuff like that, but i'm more than a little peeved that he would say that to SIL and not to us, knowing that it was always part of our plan to have another one.

i'm overjoyed that we're expecting, but because DH doesn't want FIL to find out (and i don't either, not until we have some kind of plan in place) we can't tell any of our family/friends.  DH is coming around...i can tell he wants to tell people.  but this whole FIL thing hanging over our head has definitely taken some of the wind out of our sails.



thanks to scrappyjill for the signature below!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 5:35pm

I would def have a plan in place first!! be prepared, and if he feels hurt you waited to tell him you can refer back to that comment he made. Better to be safe then sorry. Its too bad when others arent as happy as you are, especially seeing as they arent the ones taking care of this new baby. My dads reaction when i told him was "again?! what were you thinking??? you are suppose to be getting married!"  What other income plans do you have in place. Im in canada so i know the welfare and student loan systems are totally different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 01-08-2013 - 2:45pm
he is elderly and i know my grandmother couldn't stand to have my kids around from age 6 months to 3 yrs she loved them but all the noise made her nervous and she had 5, kids and raised me..I know it is your body and you help out but it sounds as if the house is busting at the seams...if he needs constant care maybe you could rent a bigger house with him and share the expenses and rent his home out. I can hide my pregnancy as long as i wish from my faimly but i live on my own..i would be very careful because he could kick you out it is his home and his "rules" go. Get a plan in place before you tell him apply for income based housing even if there is a long wait list it might buy you some time.I wouldn't keep him out of the loop that long he might get even more upset if he figures out you have been hiding the news.