Just a bit of a vent... Grrr...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Just a bit of a vent... Grrr...
13
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 11:40am

I don't know if it's my hormones or what, but I'm really struggling with opinionated people right now.  It's getting to the point in my pregnancy where I've decided not to discuss my decisions as a parent with other people.  I realize that everyone has their own opinions and has the right to be passionate about them, but I feel like I'm constantly getting battered by wave after wave of people spewing their "passion" on me.. haha.  

I brought up the issue of circumcision with a friend of mine (bad decision) because we were talking about how difficult it is to make decisions about parenting in this day and age with so much information being thrown at you.  She asked about circumcision and I said that I've discussed it at length with DH and he's pretty adamant about having it done if we have a boy. I've played devils advocate quite a bit and have been challenging him to really look into it before we have the procedure done, and he is. When I mentioned that to her she flipped out on me.  Told me that it was no different than female mutilation that happens in some countries and proceeded to say some pretty offensive things about my DH.  Now she's starting to send me links to different websites regarding her opinions on the matter and it's really starting to get to me. 

We're not taking this decision lightly... I've discussed it with people on both sides of the fence and have been trying to educate myself. My cousin is a doctor and has seen some horrendous infections and problems from uncircumcised men. He said that he had to perform a late circumcision on a 13 year old who kept getting horrible infections and it was tramatic for the boy and for my cousin.  All of the men in my family have been circumcised, where as none of the men in her family are, so I understand that she wouldn't understand it.. I just don't understand why people get so CRAZY.  Vaccinations, co-sleeping, breastfeeding..  Y.I.K.E.S.   I've just had enough of being made to feel like I'm going to be the worst sort of mother if I make make my own decisions.  From now on, I'm going to put my foot down and not continue having conversations with people about it unless they act polite and respectful.  

Ok, rant over :smileywink:... Defintely must be the hormones.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 1:50pm
Ive had three boys and I did my research and I still feel unsure if I did the right thing in getting them circumcised. It was a really tough decision especially since I've always said I would never even get my daughters ears pierced for her because it's her body and I want her to make the choice. Here is what swayed me. My husband is uncircumcised. This made the choice harder because I didn't want my boys to see daddy and think there was something wrong with them, but my husband was insistent that his boys be circumcised. he wishes he was. Also, my uncle was circumcised as an adult and it was really a difficult thing. My father in law also had to be circumcised as an adult due to infections. I understand all of the negatives to circumcision and we've actually had a few issues with one child's circumcision, but I'm not a man and I don't have a penis so I think that my husbands thoughts on the matter count a great deal.

Sorry you had to deal with that. I don't even bring up those issues anymore with anyone. They are too controversial!

Abbie
Due march 6
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 2:51pm

I've come to the same conclusion about it.. Since I don't have a penis I'm probably going to agree with what my husband thinks is best, but I'll probably question whatever decision we reach for a long time.  I've discovered that men are really sensitive about this issue. Obviously my friend is too ;p.. haha

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 5:27pm
There have been so many debates about circumcision, and a lot of other things for that matter, but I had both of my boys circumcised and will have this child circumcised as well, if it's a boy. No matter what you choose, there will always be adversity from other people who demand their opinions are right. I had a friend of mine who always made a comment about how I choose not to cook dinner on Fridays because it's our "pizza night." Saying how it's unhealthy, we could save that money for a "good homecooked meal" etc. I finally said, "In the nicest way possible, I don't care what you think or what your opinion is." She took offense to it and we eventually stopped being friends because I distanced myself from her.

When I had my first DS, I asked our pediatrician her opinion on vaccines because I read so many different debates about it. And her response was, "my opinion is my opinion and I choose not to share that because I want you to make the decision you feel is best and I will fully support whatever decision you make." So, I chose to vaccinate my kids. Almost 6 years later, and I STILL don't know her opinion on vaccines because she's not biased either way.

So anyway, my advice would be to talk it over with your DH and make a decision. Once you make the decision, dont look back on it or beat yourself up over it because you can honestly say you did your research and made an informed decision. :smileyhappy:
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2005
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 6:32pm
Ugh, I'm sorry! It's so annoying how over-passionate people can get...especially when they thrust their opinions on you when you don't want them! I think everyone just needs to relax and let everyone make their own decisions! LOL.

And by the way, all three of my boys have been circumsized. I can definitely see the concerns on both sides of the issue and respect what others want to do. I just barely saw a report on the news, about a study on men in Africa and how those who were circumsized were less likely to have HIV. This has changed the academy of pediatrics stance on circumcision...so they now think the benefits to circumcision outweigh the risks. So you could tell your friend that to help get off your back! LOL.

Also, I have watched all three of my boys' circumcisions. I wanted to be there for them...and I had read so many horror stories on message boards. But the procedure was not horrific at all....they gave them a shot to numb the area first. In fact, Jackson didn't even cry!!! The other two did, but they were very easy to console afterwards..they'd give them a binky dipped in sugar water and they loved that. :smileyhappy:
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 6:49pm

Phew, glad to see this is still a civil conversation!  Ha ha - our board name should be the no drama mamas.  Nothing can stir up a raging, pissy debate than circumcision, I think even more so than breastfeeding, staying at home, etc.  I think circumcision is on the decline and I wouldn't be surprised if it went away a century from now but it is still a personal choice and I don't think it should be linked to femal genital mutilation.  I saw the other day that the American Associate of Pediatricians put out a recommendation the circumcision be done whereas they were silent on the subject before.  My DS is circumcised, and because he is and DH is, if this one is a boy, he will be too but honestly, if this were my first boy, I might go the uncircumcised route, I don't know.   I haven't done any real research on it lately.  But again, glad to see this is a civilized conversation. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2012
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 7:30pm
Abbie, my experience has been the same as yours...my husband was not circumcised and had many problems growing up because of it...therefore he felt very strongly about having our boys circumcised. They've had no problems and there's been no questions or issues to date about looking different than daddy, either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 10:16pm
I hate when people do that. My boys are circumcised and if this baby is a boy he will be too. If they don't then fine. I don't judge them for their decision so don't judge me for mine.

I have a friend who is a major breastfeeding nut. I am all for breastfeeding if you choose to. I choose to pump and bottle feed breast milk. No I don't think it is more work and I don't mind the time spent on the pump. I am not pumping your boobs so why do you care? UGH!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 1:49pm

I'm glad this is a civilized conversation too :smileyhappy:..  If this had been any other board, I probably wouldn't have posted it, but this one is small and all the ladies on here are fantastic, so I felt safe in speaking up.  I would never, ever be cruel to someone because they had a different opinion on parenting than I did.  I guess I just feel in general that our society has made it ok to belittle and go on the attack when we don't agree with something, but this doesn't need to be the case.  I'm waaayyy more apt to listen to someone who disagrees with me if they're polite about it and I think that goes for the majority of people.  This pregnancy HAS made me much more sensitive than usual though. I can't handle the political commercials and commentary on TV right now, or on Facebook for that matter.  I just want to spend the rest of my pregnancy free of angst and bickering while I dance in a field of wildflowers and sing to the woodland animals.. HA! 

Thanks for listening, ladies! And for being pretty much awesome :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 1:56pm
I have been hiding posts on Facebook about politics. I just don't want to hear it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 8:06am
It's so funny that you mentioned political commercials, Facebook, etc right along with all those people who force their unwanted parenting advice on you. My husband mentioned the other day that parenthood has chilled me out on pretty much everything but that kind of thing. I don't care what the topic is -- religion, politics, parenting, manners, food preferences, sports, or anything else you can think of -- if you can't express your opinion without basically calling someone else stupid, you need to keep your opinion to yourself. I'm tired of people calling entire groups of people stupid because they don't agree, tired of people belittling others for their parenting choices, tired of everything becoming an issue of discrimination, tired of religious debate...tired of it all. The rule I live by is this: I may not agree with you, and you may not agree with me, but we're all doing the best we can with what information we have, so let's just live our lives and respect each other's decision to do that.



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