When is it appropriate to have a 2nd baby shower?

Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
When is it appropriate to have a 2nd baby shower?
7
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 11:50am

This can be a little controvercial, but when is it appropriate to have another baby shower if this is not your first child?  I have a cousin who is having a second child that is the oposite gender of her other child.  However, this being said, her first child is very young and she technically should have everything from her first child that she could hopefully re-use with this child.  I received the invite in the mail and immediately heard from my sister and my mom who were both furious that my cousin is having a second shower.  They don't think she needs to be getting gifts for the shower and again when the baby is born.  I guess I just want to see what all of you think about this.  I guess I always thought that the shower was only for your first child...or in rare circumstances like if your other children are way older and you probably don't have any baby things anymore.  What do you think? I know some of you may be in this situation and are having a second shower for this child so I hope I'm not offending anyone.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2006
I personally think its ok to have a second. I had a shower for my first, and then it was 6 years before my second so we had another one. Even though this time around has been 5 years and I'm having a girl after 2 boys I am not having one. I will probably have a sprinkle or a small get together. A lot of my moms friends have actually told my mom we should have one because they r buying gifts anyway. A friend of mine from work had a sprinkle and here was the invite. I'll use our names to show u.
It said bottles, diapers, and bibs galore, heather and Pascual are having one more.
Big brother Dylan has plenty to share, so we're having a sprinkle to show that we care.
Thought that was so cute. And it was a small get together, nothing huge.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
I had a shower with my first. It was a big shower and I saved everything for my second child. Since we got rid of everything as the second child got older, we now have nothing. If I have a girl this time, I'll probably have a shower. It definitely wont be as big as the first one but having help with some of the necessities would be nice.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 12:30pm

Ooo, a meal shower.. That's a great idea!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005

Yeah, this is a sticky subject.  In general, I am not a fan of baby showers for subsequent kids unless it is a situation where the other kids are much olders and the mom and dad had given most of their stuff away.  I don't think gender should matter because that doesn't really seem fair that a second time mother having the same gender as the first isn't entitled to a shower but someone having a different gender IS. (and for those having their first - if you find out you are having a girl, don't go and buy all your big stuff like car seats, strollers, cribs in pink because if you have another and it is a boy, you won't want to put him in a bunch of pink stuff). 

I have heard that "every baby deserves to be celebrated" as a defense for showers for every kid and while I agree with the sentiment that YES, every baby does deserve to be celebrated, your baby is going to have no idea if he or she is wearing new stuff you got a shower, or used stuff from the older kids.  My two kids probably have no idea whether I had any showers while expecting them.  Not to mention it kind of suggests that if you didn't have a shower (like I didn't have one with my daughter) that she was Less celebrated than my son, or that if you have a smaller family shower, that baby is less celebrated than someone who had a shower where a hall was rented out. 

For siblings, I like the idea of sprinkles, or diaper showers or meal showers (everyone brings you a freezer meal).  And the difference to me between a shower and a sprinkle is that there is NO registry and the guest list is close friends and family, rather than your mother's first cousins that you can't recall having ever met before :-)

And all of this being said, just because someone doesn't have a shower doesn't mean people can't still send gifts!  I got gifts for my daughter after she was born. 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
I really don't get the difference between a shower and a sprinkle. Yes, I know the sprinkle is supposed to be more focused on celebrating and less focused on gift-giving while the opposite is the rule of thumb for a shower, but let's call a spade a spade: most people bring the same gift to a "sprinkle" as they would a "shower" because in either case, they will either a) completely ignore the registry and buy some pre-determined gift or b) buy off the registry which, presumably, is filled with things the parents-to-be need -- exactly as it is with a shower.

At any rate, whatever you call it, I really think ANY party involving gifts is inappropriate unless the children are at least a few years apart, the parents weren't planning on having any more children and got rid of everything, the child is of a gender not already present in the couple's brood of offspring, or the mom-to-be never got a shower for her previous child (or children). Personally, I'm having a shower. We still have several of our big-ticket items, though I did have to buy a new car seat because, as we weren't planning to have more children, I gave our infant seat to my cousin. But my son arrived prematurely the day before my shower for him was scheduled (and, by the way, a lot of people returned the gifts or used the gift cards themselves rather than sending them on to me via my family... well, either that or a lot of people were planning to attend my shower sans gifts) -- so I never got one. I'm sure some people will balk since my son is only 3 years old and since the new baby is probably a boy... but to that, I say exactly what I say to anyone who feels your cousin's shower is inappropriate: you don't have to participate.

And really, I don't mean that as snarkily as it may come across in print. I just mean that if someone wants to throw a new mom a shower whether she's pregnant with her first or 21st kid, let them. And if people want to attend the shindig and shell out for gifts, let them. Likewise, if someone invited thinks it's inappropriate and would rather give a small gift once the baby is born -- or not at all -- let them.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
I like that idea, a sprinkle! :smileyhappy:
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007

This does seem like a controversial issue, doesn't it?  I feel that babies should always be celebrated, no matter what birth order they are.  I've seen showers that are actually called "sprinkles" where the guests bring something small just as a token of congratulations, or something like a diaper shower.  If anything, sometimes money gets even more tight with the second or third child, so it's still a blessing to the parents.  If you keep having shower after shower and your kids are 1 or 2 years apart and the same sex, then I would say that's a bit tacky.   I would put a "no gifts please" comment on the invite and just have my buddies over for some happy time before the birth of the baby.